Shadows of California
by Cereza1
Summary: Dean has returned from Purgatory, alone. Now he is focused on saving the girl that he had found in that world, but someone else does the rescuing. How does their relationship operate in the real world? (***Sequel to South of Heaven***) (Rating as precaution, Updates slightly irregular, but will not be abandoned.)
1. Prologue

I'm back! Though I'll be honest, this story is going to be updated far less often than the first installment. Sorry 'bout that =\. I'm aiming for once every week or two, but once school gets into full swing that may change. No matter what, though, I will NOT be abandoning this story. I will finish it, and my updates will continue, even if there is a hiatus during exam periods. I'll do my best to give a warning about mini-hiatus'.

On to the story! This is kind of a connecting story between South of Heaven and the story that I truly want to tell. I couldn't just jump to that part, however. I needed a set up, and I needed the time line to work. This is going to be heavy on dialogue, and not quite as romance heavy as I had hoped, but I promise it is there. That third installment that is coming is where the romance is going to be the focus more. This is kinda the relationship building part.

I have really, really messed with Supernatural's timeline from when Dean returns from Purgatory onward. Fans of the show, forgive me. When it comes to BtVS, I followed canon quite closely, as you'll see. I've played with some stuff, and when that comes up I'll make a note of it. That being said, I hope that you enjoy what I've done with it.

As always, I own nothing. BtVS is Whedon, and Spn is Kripke. I just like playing with their characters. How could they make two characters that would be PERFECT together, but not be on the same show!?

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><p><strong>Prologue<strong>

Dean could do nothing but stand there and watch as the monster's sword-like claw arced through the air silently and slice cleanly through the girl's throat. Her wide green eyes stared at him, begging him to do something, to save her. There wasn't one fibre of his being that didn't want to save her, but he couldn't even move. It was as though he was being held back by something, something that didn't want him anywhere near the girl. All he could do was stand there and watch as she fell, all the while calling to him, screaming for him.

He tried to call to her, "Buffy!" It was of no use, though. His voice came out quiet and hoarse, as though he had not spoken in days.

It was hard to watch, but impossible to tear his eyes away. He saw her fall to her knees, blood rushing from the gaping wound at her throat. Her hands grasped at the gash, trying to hold the blood back, but to no avail. It wasn't until she was laying, crumpled on the dirty ground, that Dean was finally able to find the ability to move. He was at her side in mere seconds, cradling her head in his lap. He fought back tears as he tried to staunch the bleeding. He kept muttering the word "no" over and over again, fighting to keep her here. He fought to keep her alive. It was all of no use, there was far too much blood, and he knew it wouldn't be long before she was gone. It didn't matter what he did now, she was going to die in his arms. He had failed her. The life was already draining from her eyes as the blood started to seep into his clothes.

"D-Dean," Buffy stammered. Her voice was weak, and came out with a gurgling sound as the blood poured down her throat, her shaky hands reached out for him.

"I'm here, Buffy. I'm here," Dean grasped her hand in his, "God I'm so sorry."

"How could you let me die?" Her eyes looked up at him accusingly.

His words failed him.

"You left me for dead!"

She screamed at him this time. With blood still gushing from her throat Buffy dug claws into Dean's arms. She sliced at him in a vicious attack and blood started to erupt from the wounds she created. He tried to get away from her, but her grip was much too strong. Her assault was unrelenting, and soon the pool of blood surrounding them was a perfect mix of the hunter and the slayer.

"You let me die, Dean!"

ӁӁӁ

Dean woke with a start, a cold sweat breaking out over his skin and his fingers dug deeply into the mattress below him. His throat was parched as he fought to catch his breath. His eyes sought out the clock, the only light in the dark room, save for the soft illumination of the motel's neon sign. 3:07am. Long before he would have ever wanted to be awake, and not long enough after he had finally sunk into bed.

This was the new normal since Dean had returned from Purgatory. It didn't matter how well he thought he had adjusted to the real world again, it was obvious that leaving Purgatory behind wasn't going to be as simple as Dean had hoped. It had left a mark on him that he was beginning to understand would be with him the rest of his life. Every night, as soon as he closed his eyes, he was back in that place. He could hear the leaves rustle in the breeze, he could taste the musty water, he could feel the build-up of black ooze on his hands and face, and he could smell the death and decay. His brain did an immaculate job of recreating Purgatory for him, each and every night. There was only one thing worse than living through Purgatory in his dreams, again and again. One thing that could cut him deeper than his own memories of Purgatory ever could.

Every night he watched Buffy die.

It was always the same, and yet always different. Each death was different, something new would be her end. One night she'd be ripped to pieces, another night she'd be impaled. Different creatures and different attacks, but her words always remained the same. The way she looked at him always remained the same. It was a mix of pain and betrayal. She blamed him for her death.

He did, too. No matter what happened, his actions were always the same. He was always held back, completely unable to move until it was too late. Every night he would try. All he had to do was make it to her side and she'd be fine. He would do something fast and clever, and she'd be okay. Except that never happened. It was always the same.

Every night, every single night, Dean failed to save Buffy.

That was what drove him to research. Unlike in his dreams, unlike in Purgatory, there was something he could do to save her now. He could get her the hell out of that place. He didn't care what Cas said. There had to be a way, and he didn't give a damn what "plans" were in motion. He had to save her.

Dean didn't really know where to begin looking, research had never really been his strong suit, but he figured diving in head first was the way to go. If his nights were going to be sleepless anyways, they may as well be productive. He would do anything to stop his dreams from becoming reality. Dean opted to keep the nightmares and research a secret from Sammy. So far he had kept most everything about Purgatory a secret from his brother, to be honest. Secrets were nothing new in this family anyways, they were as fluent in secrets as they were in sarcasm and avoidance.

Sam had caught him a few times, waking from a nightmare or already up and researching. He had seen Sam check the laptop's browser history more than once, too. Thankfully Dean had been smart enough to clear that. Dean had become incredibly talented at hiding the books he had acquired during his research as well, and that was something that Sam had not yet figured out. Sam had asked Dean about the late-night research a few times, but he wasn't ready to talk about any of it. Not yet. Asking Sammy for help would probably make this whole thing easier, Dean often though. Sam had always been better at the research end of things, and having two sets of eyes on the problem could do nothing but help. Despite that, this was something Dean felt like he needed to do himself, though. Just him. It wasn't Sam that heard her laughter in the night. He didn't see her green eyes everywhere. He didn't see her die every single night. Sam wasn't the one that was haunted by the Slayer. Dean had to be the one that fixed this. He had to save her.

He just hoped that he wasn't too late.


	2. Night Flight

**Chapter One – Night Flight**

Kids. It had to go after kids. If there was one kind of case Dean hated the most, it was when kids were involved. No matter what they did, no matter how many they saved, there were already victims that they couldn't help. Shadows that plagued them throughout the investigation. This time the bastard had killed six kids before he and Sam even heard about the problem. They had lost two more before they put the Kappa down. Eight victims were usually enough to crush the Winchester's spirit, but it was always so much worse when it was eight kids.

Kids were supposed to be carefree. They were supposed to run and play and just be kids. They were meant to be innocent and never know about the darkness of the world. They were meant to grow up and live their lives. Now there were eight that would never get that chance, and several more that would now be afraid of every shadow, every weird noise they ever heard. They would grow up afraid. Or they'd grow up like he did, like Sam did. He didn't know which was worse.

Thoughts like these were what brought him to the bar. Sam was back at the motel, packing up what few belongings they had, destroying any evidence of the case they had been working. This was something they usually did together so that they could blow town long before anyone could question them. Be on to the next case before this one could take root in their psyche. Tonight was different; the case had hit Dean hard and he needed something strong to wash it down with. Sam didn't dare complain about Dean drinking, like he would have before. Sam had let a lot of Dean's behaviour slide since he had returned home. Being left behind tonight was almost a relief for Sam. In truth, he needed some time after that case as well, and drinking was not his way of coping with overwhelming cases.

The bar was dark, dusty, and it smelled vaguely of stale beer and smoke. A few of the lights had long burned out, and a few more were flickering on their way. There was an old television set perched on a shelf above the bar, showing nothing but snow and static. Few seats were occupied, and a majority of the patrons appeared to be middle-aged men drinking alone. The jukebox whined through the song 'Take it Easy,' barely recognizable through the static. It certainly wasn't the nicest bar Dean could find, but it would do. He saddled up to the bar and signalled the bartender over. Also an older guy, one that looked like an old biker. Not a hot chick. Damn.

"Whiskey. Neat."

The bartender nodded and tossed down a coaster before going off to retrieve the bottle. In the meantime, Dean took stock of the people in the bar. His eyes scanned for any source of threat, but found none. No one had even looked up when he walked into the bar, which suggested that there were only humans patrons. That was a relief for Dean, but he still kept his guard up. It was something his father had drilled into his head Dean's whole life: never let yourself relax. Staying on guard could be the difference between life and death at any moment, especially when alone. He nodded a thanks to the bartender as his whiskey was set in front of him, thankful for the liquid relief he was about to partake in.

The jukebox skipped twice and came to a halt, throwing the bar into a sad sort of silence. The discomfort that had been present before now hung heavy in the air as Dean shifted in his seat. The only sound now was coming from the two truckers sitting a few stools down, and even that conversation seemed absent-minded at best. Dean could hear every word the two men said, but eavesdropping was not what he was here for. This visit to the bar was all about leaving behind the nightmare that he had just lived through, and hopefully numbing the one he was sure to have the next time he closed his eyes. He took a swig from his glass, swishing the liquid through his mouth before swallowing. It was a vain hope that he could burn away the events of the last two days, but it wouldn't stop him from trying. With not much else to pay attention to, Dean found himself listening to the two men at the bar anyways. It sure beat watching the static on the television set.

From what he could hear, some small town a couple of states over had been taken over by some gangs or something. He shook his head to himself as he took another drink, it was amazing how shitty people could be to one another. Sometimes he preferred demons to humans, at least with demons you could expect to be fucked over. You knew their aim was to cause pain and destruction. With humans you never knew what their motives were, what they wanted. He may have stopped listening then if he hadn't heard the one man mention that one of the gang leaders had taken two bullets to the head and not died. That piqued his interest in the conversation real quick.

"Well I heard he had some kinda deformity and the bullets couldn't get through the scarring," the man in the red plaid vest said.

"What? That's the dumbest thing I ever heard," replied the man with the scraggly beard.

Deformity? Hard to kill? Smelled demonic to Dean, and like a potential new case. A case that could help to leave this last one behind. Maybe a case that could have a smaller dead count.

"Then how do you explain it?" The vested man asked.

"Shit I dunno. Weird crap is supposedly always goin' down in Sunnydale. I think the cops there are just full of it."

Sunnydale? His interest in a potential case was more than piqued now, it was screaming at him. If it was Sunnydale that was in danger, then this wasn't just a potential case, this was a necessary stop and a nonstop drive until they got there. First he needed some information though.

"Sorry to interrupt fellas, but did you say that gangs took over Sunnydale?"

The two men turned to face Dean as he pulled up the stool next to them and nodded their heads.

"A-yup. That's the word anyways," the bearded man replied.

"Been all over the news that people aren't supposed to go even near SunnyD until they get a handle on the mess," the vested man added. "Our routes both took massive detours. Such a pain in the ass."

Dean flashed his FBI badge from his pocket, "I've been looking into the situation. As far as you know, when did this all start?"

The men looked at the badge, thankfully not too closely as he wasn't actually sure if he had his own badge or his brothers again. It had happened more than once that the wrong badge ended up in his jacket. Regardless, Dean was grateful that it was something that had become a permanent fixture in his jacket's pocket. Asking too many questions as a G-Man was normal, people were willing to share more information. Be too inquisitive as a civilian, however, and people start to suspect that something is out of the ordinary. That was a really good way to tip off the authorities, and that was something any hunter wanted to avoid, especially a Winchester.

"Well weird stuff has always happened in that town, this is really nothin' new," the vested man supplied, taking a pull from his beer.

The bearded man chimed in, "The cops there are full of shit. It's a sleepy town. This started just this past week. It was the damnedest thing, a couple of gangs showed up all at once."

"Town's been burnin' since."

Dean nodded along, "Anything else you gentlemen can tell me?"

The man in the red vest started to shake his head and then added on, "I guess the gang leaders have some sort of deformity or somethin' that make them hard to kill."

The bearded man rolled his eyes and continued to drink his beer.

"Well thank you gentlemen. You've been a big help."

Dean pushed the stool away and headed back to his own seat. He quickly gulped back the last of his whiskey and slammed some cash down on the bar. A case like this would be enough to get them on the move normally, but Dean would usually hold off on traveling until the morning. The last case had not yet been washed away, and both of the hunters could really use some rest before taking on another one. Knowing that it was Sunnydale that was in need of help was enough to push Dean to action tonight. He was grateful that he had chosen a bar close to the motel, making for a quick return, but still found himself practically running back to the room his brother was no doubt fast asleep in. Dean wanted to waste no time, especially knowing how far they were from California. They had to get on the move now if they hoped to make it there by the next night.

"Sam!" Dean crashed into the room, flipping the lights on.

Sam, who had been peacefully sleeping jumped awake, instantly grabbing his gun from under his pillow and leaping to his feet.

"Damnit, Dean!" Sam relaxed his stance, sitting back down on the bed, "you gotta stop doin' that." He took deep breaths to slow his heart rate.

"Sorry Sammy," Dean had given his little brother shit over the years for doing the same thing. "I know we agreed to spend the night, but I got wind of a new case."

"Great. It can wait 'til morning. I'm spent, Dean, so are you. Plus I can smell the booze on your breath from here."

"It was one drink, and no it can't. Get up, we're leaving now."

Sam opened his mouth to argue, but Dean was already out the door. He cursed to himself and dragged his feet after his brother. The keys to the Impala were tossed to his hand as Dean slouched into the passenger seat.

"Great, good thing I'm wide awake now," Sam grumbled to himself as he slid into the driver's seat. "Where to?"

"California," Dean mumbled absentmindedly, eyes trained out the side window.

"That's easily a 20 hour drive, Dean!" Sam hoped that his brother didn't expect to get there overnight. South Dakota was not exactly a neighbor to California.

When Dean didn't reply, Sam realized that this drive would be in silence. Again. It was something that Sam had been getting used to, ever since Dean had been back. Sighing he turned the key, bringing the Impala to life with a roar. He pulled out of the parking lot, radio blasting some song of Dad's. Without a voice to distract him, Sam slipped easily into his own thoughts as he cruised down the dark highway, the only light to illuminate his way coming from the moon and the odd streetlight as his headlights led the way.

Ever since Dean had returned from Purgatory he had been different. Sam had expected that, but he never would have expected some of Dean's behaviour. Sam was anticipating that Dean would be tired, slowed down, and probably done with hunting after everything he would have seen. He had expected a cold Dean, one who was distant and maybe even a little cruel. Cas had warned Sam that it was likely that Dean would be broken, and nothing like he had remembered him to be. In truth, Dean had been more committed to the hunt than ever, and he had been more than ready to return to the road. Angels and all that bullshit be damned, they were back to helping people, chasing down cases all across the country. It was what they were good at, and it was what they knew best.

Sam also noted that the fatigue that would have been understandable was nowhere to be seen. Sam feared that Dean wasn't sleeping much at all, making the lack of fatigue even more concerning. There were more nights than he could count in the last months that he had woken in the middle of the night to find Dean hunched over the laptop, pages flipping past his face a mile a minute. Whatever he was doing, he didn't want Sam to know. The history was cleared before Sam could ever get close to the laptop again. For that reason Sam figured it wasn't late night porn surfing; Dean wouldn't care enough to hide that.

Sam was only right on one account. The distance was expected, he had just gotten back from an unimaginable world. They had both survived hell, but Purgatory was something different entirely. Dean wasn't tortured directly, as far as Sam knew, but he had spent an interminable amount of time fighting for his life. Dean would have been surrounded by things that wanted him dead, and Sam knew that meant that Dean would have been running and fighting for nearly every second that he was in Purgatory. Dean had only been gone a couple of months, much less time than he had spent in hell, but no one knew how much time that translated to in Purgatory. Sam had no idea what Dean had lived through while he was gone, but he knew that Dean was coping in his own way. For once the distance he felt with Dean, and the way he was coping, was not what worried Sam.

His worry came from the anguish that Sam could see just behind his brother's eyes. He couldn't place it, couldn't figure out what it was. Anger he would have anticipated, and that he could understand completely. Sam imagined that he would have been consumed by anger if the roles had been reversed, and anger was one of Dean's most basic reactions. The hurt that Dean was trying to hide was nothing that Sam had seen before, not since Lisa anyways. Why Purgatory would leave a similar mark on Dean, Sam wasn't sure. Whatever the source of the pain, Sam knew that Dean would not only not answer his question, but punctuate his 'no' with a fist. A strike to his jaw was not worth trying to satisfy his curiosity. Sam would wait.

Twelve hours of driving brought the brothers close to their target, but both knew there was no way they could continue on without some sleep. Neither had slept since before they got wind of the case in South Dakota, and it finally caught up with them somewhere in Utah. Dean had put up a fuss about stopping as soon as Sam had mentioned it. The quarrel continued as Sam pulled into the motel, signed in, and as they climbed the stairs to the room they had paid for. The argument finally ceased when Dean sat down on the bed to take off his boots and fallen asleep before he had even loosened a lace. Sam smirked smugly to himself as he curled into his own bed. He hoped that this time he wouldn't be woken by Dean hollering about having to leave right away.

ӁӁӁ

As soon as the hot water hit Dean's skin he felt instantly better. The tightness and concern of the previous few days seemed to be washed away. That shower did a better job than the whiskey could have ever done. Dean succumbed to the water, leaning his hands against the tile in front of him and letting the water run down over his face. He hated to admit it, but Sam was right. Stopping for the night was the best idea last night. Dean couldn't remember the last time he had felt that tired.

"_Yes you do, it was before you found Buffy._"

The thoughts of Purgatory were hard enough to ignore, but memories of the slayer raised the difficulty level vastly. The little blonde seemed to haunt him everywhere he went, especially now that he was on the way to her home turf. Hunters may not be allowed, but he was not letting her town be torn to shreds because she wasn't there to protect it. All she had asked of him was to make sure that Dawn was safe, but Dean knew that she cared about her town, too. All she wanted was her home to be protected. Sunnydale needed help, and they had lost enough time by stopping for the night. Dean shook himself out of his own thoughts and turned the water off before blindly grabbing for the towel that was resting just outside of the shower curtain.

With the towel firmly wrapped around his waist, Dean stepped out into the steaming room. Standing at the mirror, all Dean could make out was the dark outline of the tattoo on his chest. His eyes traced the shape, thinking about all the times that it had saved his ass. It was crazy that just a bit of ink had protected both him and Sam so completely over the years. Dean used the palm of his hand to clear a streak in the foggy mirror. He hadn't expected to find someone standing behind him.

"Gah!"

Dean spun around frantically, coming face to face with a trench coat wearing angel. He huffed and puffed, trying to regain his breath.

"Cas, man, we talked about this."

"Hello Dean, I'm sorry to have startled you, but I needed to talk to you," Cas stated, matter-of-factly.

Cas was standing just behind Dean, and Dean had no idea for how long.

"Great, could it have waited until **after** my shower?"

Cas's brow furrowed, "I did wait until you completed your shower."

Dean indicated his towel around his waist, "showers are not 'complete' until I am dressed and out of the bathroom, Cas."

"I am sorry, but we needed to speak immediately."

Dean sighed, tightening the towel around his waist. "Fine, whattya need?"

"I know what you're planning. You're going to Sunnydale."

Exasperated, Dean threw his head back and rubbed his hands down his face revealing a look of defiance.

"Ya, so?"

"Do not go to Sunnydale, Dean."

"Why not? The town is overrun with demons. They don't have a slayer anymore, if you'll remember she's kinda trapped in Purgatory 'cause you won't help her. The town needs help."

"No, not won't, I can't help her, I have told you that. You needn't worry, though. There are plans in motion. You going to Sunnydale will only interfere with what is meant to happen."

"Ya, well I'm really good at that, and we're going."

"Dean, please do not. You do not understand what is at stake here. There is nothing you can do to change what is to happen," Cas paused, his face hardening. "I asked you as a friend, and now it is an order."

"An order?" Dean looked skeptical, "well, good luck with that. Now get out."

"Dean – "

"Out!" Dean yelled loud enough to draw Sam's attention.

Sam knocked on the door, "you okay in there?"

Dean turned to the door and answered, "ya, I'm fine."

When he turned back the angel was gone, and Dean was alone. Cas didn't want them going to Sunnydale, and he couldn't help but wonder why he was so adamant that Dean and Sam would be interfering with something. He really didn't care, either. They were going to Sunnydale, because he'd be damned if her town was going to go to hell for her friends and family because she wasn't there. Dean pulled on his jeans and t-shirt and rushed out of the room.

"Get your stuff, we gotta go."

Sam was just pulling on his shirt over his head, "right now? Who were you arguing with?"

"Yes, right now. Let's go."

"No, Dean! Damnit," Sam had had enough, "you still haven't told me why we're going all the way to California. You know there are cases between here and there, so why are we bypassing them for this one?"

"We can talk about this on the road, but we gotta go, Sam."

Sam crossed his arms, strengthening his stance. Dean had been avoiding any questions that Sam had had since he returned from Purgatory, and Sam couldn't explain why this time bothered him as much as it did, but it did. They had been on hunts non-stop since he and Dean had reunited, and Sam had let that go, but this was different. There was something about this case that was getting to Dean, something that was driving him to practically run to California. Sam needed to know why.

Dean sighed, he knew he needed to explain to Sam why they needed to be in Sunnydale, but now was not the time. Unfortunately he wouldn't be able to get by without giving some information to Sam. He had been grateful that Sam hadn't asked him about the late night research he had been doing, but his luck had finally run out. Dean hoped that giving Sam at least part of the truth would get him off the hook for now.

"There's this town, Sunnydale? It's been overrun by demon gangs. They need help."

"Gangs? As in plural? Why are we going alone then? Shouldn't we be calling for back up?"

"And who should we call? Hm? Dad? Ellen? Jo? Bobby?"

Sam felt a pang straight to his heart at the mention of the hunters they had lost over the years. Each name felt like a personal attack, but Sam knew his brother was right. There was no one to call anymore. They were on their own. Again.

"We don't know anyone else, Sammy. We're all we got."

"You're right. Okay. You say it's a priority case, then I'm with ya," Sam nodded.

"Thank you. I'm driving, let's go."

Dean grabbed the keys off the night stand and threw his duffle bag over his shoulder. They had wasted enough time stopping for the night, they weren't about to lose more time arguing about the case.

"Do we have time for breakfast first? I'm starving."

Dean looked back, annoyance obvious on his face, but the growling in his stomach found him agreeing with Sam. Breakfast was definitely a priority suddenly.

ӁӁӁ

"So, what do we know about this Sunnydale? It's not in Dad's journal, but there's gotta be a reason that demon gangs came to it."

Dean took a sip of his coffee, "I dunno Sammy, maybe they just realized that it was a town not on the hunter radar." That was close to the truth, and Dean hoped that Sam wouldn't pick up on the half-truth.

Sam swallowed his bite of toast and wiped his hands, "Okay. Did you hear anything about how many demons?"

If Sam did pick up on the half-truth he didn't let on. Dean was relieved as he continued to drink his coffee.

"No," Dean shook his head, "no clue."

"Great. This sounds wonderful," Sam rolled his eyes.

Dean knew it wasn't a lot to go on, and the situation could be a lot tougher than expected, but they had to go. He would never forgive himself if something happened to her friends, or to her sister, if he could have stopped it. Hunting monsters is what they did, and this was no different. If they left now they could make it to town as the sun set. Not ideal for their own safety, but it definitely made the hunt a lot easier to carry out without prying eyes. Neither Sam nor Dean knew what they were walking into, but Dean did have an unfair advantage. He knew that Sunnydale was the hellmouth, and because of that, the situation could be a lot more dire than either of them expected. That thought was worrisome, but telling Sam that information would bring questions that he wasn't ready to answer, that he didn't know how to answer. It led to questions that would lead Sam to Buffy. That was too much to deal with quite yet.

Despite that extra knowledge that Dean had, nothing could prepare them for what they would find.

ӁӁӁ

"_Osiris, release her!"_


	3. Streets of Fire

**Chapter Two – Streets of Fire**

The Impala rolled into Sunnydale shortly after the sun had set, just like Dean had planned for. What he hadn't expected was the state that they found the town in. For having only succumbed to demons a week or so before, the town had been thrown into such a state of chaos that any passersby might assume that the town had always been like this. There was no sign of any civil townsfolk left, and Dean likened it to what cities looked like after they had been ravaged by the Croatan virus, which was a rather grim, although apt, comparison. Neither were looking forward to exiting the vehicle, and both were grateful to know that the Impala was basically an arsenal on wheels.

The hundreds of bonfires in the trash cans were the least of the town's problems. There were turned over cars littering the streets, buildings with windows smashed out, and houses burning. Dead were strewn throughout the streets, creating a grisly scene as the Impala moved forwards. The entire town appeared to be blanketed in a layer of smoke, casting it into a darkness that reminded Dean of his time in Purgatory. The streets seemed to be filled with the sounds of people screaming, both from terror and pain. The only other sound present was that of what sounded like hundreds of motorcycles tearing through the night.

Both hunters were awestruck by the pandemonium in Sunnydale. Dean found himself wondering how much of this would happen even with the slayer still living and breathing. Sam again wondered how a town this torn apart hadn't been well known in the hunter community. He knew there was no way that this town had never faced supernatural forces before, not with this magnitude of an infestation. There had to be more to it than just this case, but Sam couldn't place his finger on it. He made a mental note to do some research into the town the next time he had the chance.

The sight of a demonic form carrying a girl over it's shoulder down the street called the Winchesters into action.

"Hey ugly!" Dean yelled as soon as he was out of the car, his shotgun close by his side.

The monster turned to find where the voice had come from, locking it's eyes on Dean. Of all the monsters that the brothers had faced, they were not expected something that looked so…comical? It certainly didn't look like a scary beast hell bent on destruction, even with the horns that curled out of it's green head. It almost looked like something you'd expect to see in an old Scooby Doo re-rerun, not in the middle of the hellmouth. It was laughable, that was, until the beast bared it's fangs. Neither of them knew what to expect while fighting this thing, but they both knew that it couldn't be allowed to carry this poor girl off.

It growled before unceremoniously dropping the girl onto the pavement with a thud and lunging for the brothers. Two pumps from the shotgun slowed it down, but did not drop the beast. Sam took a shot from his handgun, which had been loaded with silver infused bullets. That seemed to do the trick as the beast fell, a smoking hole carved through it's skull. Sam ran towards the girl to check on her, and Dean pumped a couple more shotgun shots into the beast's throat, completely beheading it. Ya know, just to be safe. It was something he had taken to doing ever since Purgatory. Ever since Buffy had been ripped away by the winged bastard that they ended up needing to kill twice. If nothing else, Dean Winchester learned from his mistakes. Especially when it put others in danger.

"How's the girl?" Dean asked as the brothers regrouped at the car.

"Gone. She ran off as soon as I got close. What was that thing?"

Dean shrugged, "dead now, whatever it was. Let's see what else is kickin' around here."

"Uh, Dean? I got a better idea. Running. Now."

Dean turned to look at whatever it was that was causing Sam to panic, his eyes growing wide as soon as he realized what Sam was seeing. Coming up behind them was a gang of monsters, each armed with nailed boards and bats wrapped in barbed wire. Dean wasn't one to run from a fight, but he hadn't been expecting to run into the gang so soon, and he certainly wasn't expecting them to get the drop on him and Sam. It may be out of the ordinary for Dean, but he was quick to agree with Sam on this one. Running was smart. They were here to try to clear the town, not die because of their egos.

The brothers took off running, opting to take the alley routes, eager to lose the pack before they could get too close. They could only hope that the demons didn't know the town too well, otherwise they would have an unfair advantage against the hunters, and that was the last thing they needed. The brothers' run quickly became an obstacle course as they dodged around fires, debris, and corpses that had been left where they dropped. Several shotgun blasts were used to keep the pack behind them at bay, as well as solo monsters that tried to join in the chase. The pace didn't slow down until they were sure that the pack had either given up or lost track of them.

Huffing and puffing Sam turned to face Dean, "Alright. Now what?"

Dean, who was also struggling to catch his breath, shook his head, "I dunno, but we gotta find a way to get these sons of bitches out of here."

"Agreed. I still think we should have put the word out about this place. We could use some help."

"We can do this, Sam. Take down a leader or two and the rest of 'em should run with their tails between their legs."

Sam shot his brother a doubtful look, only to find a similar look on Dean's face. Even Dean didn't believe what he was saying, and that was something that could strike fear into Sam Winchester. He would have suggested leaving the town, declaring it lost, but there were innocents that still lived here. People that needed their help, and that's what they did. Even ignoring that fact, the determined look in Dean's eyes as he had spoken about this case told Sam that there was no way they were walking away. For whatever reason, this place was important to Dean. He may not understand it yet, but Sam had learned to trust his brother. He may not always make the right call, but he did the best he could. Sam would follow his brother to the end of the world, just as he had been doing ever since Dean had come to him at Stanford.

"Okay, we can work with that. A little stealth until we really know what we're up against. Find the ring leaders – "

"And pump them full of holes. Sounds like a plan, Sammy," Dean grinned, giving his brother a pat on the back before slipping his shotgun back into the sling on his own back.

"Works for me," Sam nodded, pulling a knife out of his holster. Stealthy was one thing, but they still needed to defend themselves.

ӁӁӁ

It had been a couple of hours that they boys had been wandering through the streets and alleys of Sunnydale. Despite the incredible number of demons they had seen, not many had seen them. Which worked out well as they were able to drop a good deal of the ones they did come across, all without being discovered. As many demons and monsters that they had found so far, not one seemed to be a pack leader. In fact, none of them seemed to be with a group at all, but rather stragglers or scavengers. Discouragement started to settle in for the two brothers until they heard the sound of motorcycles revving, and the sound of chains dragging over pavement.

"Now we're talkin'," Dean grinned, quickly dashing off towards the sound, keeping low just in case they ended up in a demon's sightlines.

It was hard to decipher where the sound was coming from as it seemed to be completely surrounding them. The sound echoed and bounced off of walls, and sometimes was completely buried by the sound of a car alarm or someone screaming. Dean found himself wishing to have his slayer companion there with him, using her acute hearing to guide them. It wasn't the first time he had missed her on a hunt, and her skills weren't the only reason. The brothers darted between alleys and streets, doing their best to find the source of the noise. The motorcycle sound was now accompanied by gruff voices, alerting the boys that they must be close to their target. Being careful to remain hidden behind a dumpster at the end of the alleyway, the brothers set their eyes on the source of the sounds that had led them here. They had come to expect the worst in the short time they had spent in Sunnydale, but they weren't sure they were ready for what they found.

In the middle of a wide open street, surrounded by bonfires, they found what could probably qualify as the ugliest biker gang they had ever seen. The faces were gnarled and vicious looking, with fragments of flesh hanging from their bones. Metal rings and hooks pierced their faces with leather bands connecting several of them. Most of them were armed with makeshift weapons, much like what they had seen the pack carrying before. Looking out into the crowd they found that there were more of them than they would have expected. Only a few were on their bikes though, just the ones that were attached to industrial sized chains. A few of them were riding circles around the mob and the rest were standing in a circle, laughing at and taunting whatever was in the center. Neither of the brothers could see, but they could only assume there was a victim in there. The chance existed that it was a demon from another gang, but chances were even better that it was a human victim. Someone that needed their help.

Sam indicated a turned over car that was closer to the gang, hoping for a better vantage point. Dean nodded in silent agreement and the two kept low as they darted towards the car. They still couldn't see what was in the center of the circle, but they could tell that whatever it was, the chains were attached to it. If it was a human victim, it did not bode well for them. Here they could finally make out what the voice had been saying. At least they had finally found a pack leader; it looked as though the demons were waiting for his order, whatever it may be.

The group shifted, seemingly to ready themselves for whatever was about to happen, and more of the unchained bikes were now circling the prey in the middle. The slight shift in position opened up a sightline in between bikes to what was standing in the middle. This time it wasn't a flash of blonde hair holding her own that caught Dean's attention. This time, the blonde had chains wrapped around each of her limbs, leaving her at the mercy of these things. Dean's nightmares flashed behind his eyes as he stood in that street. Here he was, held back from her, and he was most certainly sure he was about to see her die, just as he did each night. The distance was great, and there was no way that the brothers could cross it before the chains were pulled tight. His fear for her far outweighed his shock of seeing Buffy standing in the middle of the circle. Dean's blood ran cold.

"Gentlemen, start your engines! Bye-bye Slayer!"

The motorcycles roared to life, and just as quickly as they started, they lurched forwards, tightening the chains and ripping the small blonde slayer apart. Her limbs were sent flying in several directions, the last of her small body falling to the ground with a sickening thud.

"NO!" Dean screamed, no longer caring if any of the demons knew he was there.

It was a split second between watching Buffy be torn to pieces and Dean yelling, but it felt like a lifetime had already passed. Dean's entire body went numb, his limbs becoming dead weight. His skin prickled and he felt his heart soar up to his throat. He was vaguely aware that he was dashing closer to the carnage as he yelled. Dean didn't feel any sort of control over himself at this point; he felt like he was watching someone else's life. He wished it was someone else's life at this moment; he could feel himself being torn to shreds as well.

It wasn't only Dean's voice that screamed a blood-curdling 'no.' There had been a female's voice mixed in as well, somewhere on the other side of the slaughter. In the midst of the chaos, Dean wouldn't have been able to find the source of the voice if the demon gang hadn't turned to pay attention to it. They didn't pay any attention to Dean, or Sam who was hot on his trail, which did nothing but fuel Dean's anger further. Until he saw what the gang had turned to face. Standing just behind the leather-bound gang was Buffy. Again. She seemed lost, unsure of where she was. She was dishevelled and looked as though she had been rolling through the dirt and soot on the streets. Her black dress was torn, her hands bloodied, and her hair was frizzy. It was a far cry from the Buffy he had gotten to know, but it was definitely her, and he couldn't believe his eyes. Sam was just as confused, seeing a double of the girl they had just seen torn to shreds. Dean's full-tilt run was halted at the sight of her, his jaw hitting the ground.

"Buffy?" His voice was barely audible above the sound of motorcycles revving.

Sam furrowed his brows, "what? Who is that?"

"Another one for the fire boys! Tear it up!"

The blonde's eyes grew wide, a slightly delayed reaction, before she turned on her heels to run.

"Hey! Why don't you leave the lady alone!" Sam called out to the gang.

Dean seemed to be frozen, but Sam wasn't about to let this poor girl suffer the same fate as the first one they saw. The pack leader turned to face the brothers, his face contorting into what Sam could only assume is what would pass for a smile in the gang.

"Now who do we have here? Looks like we got two more to add to the spit!"

Dean didn't shake out of his state until he realized that there were bikes coming straight for them, and for Buffy as well. His shotgun was out of its sling immediately, with two rounds pumped into the leading bike's tire. The bike spiraled out of control, taking down the bike directly behind it. The rest of the bikes, the pack leader included, were tearing after the slayer, and so that is where Dean's attention turned to next.

Buffy had attempted to make a break for the nearest alley mouth, wanting nothing more than to get away from the pack of demons that had just destroyed her double. Her confusion was overwhelming as she didn't know what was chasing her, or how there had been two of her. Their faces were grotesque, with leather straps and metal studs sticking through different spots. Their fangs were bared, dripping with saliva and venom. Her vision was blurred, and she couldn't hear much more than the revving of engines as they closed in on her. Buffy was terrified, and all she knew was that she needed to get away.

Unfortunately for the blonde, her escape was quickly cut off by a bike circling in front of her, driving her back towards the rest of the pack. She tried to dart towards another direction, but had another biker coming straight for her, swinging a chain over his head like a lasso. There was no time to think, her instincts taking over immediately causing her to duck and roll to the side. The chain made contact with the biker that had first halted her escape, and wrapped around his throat with a sick grinding sound as the chain came into contact with itself. Both demons were ripped from their bikes, hitting the ground in a mess of limbs and chains. In any other situation, the slayer would have found herself laughing, but there was no time for that.

Dean, who had seen this encounter, did in fact laugh. He hadn't been in control of the laughter that had risen from his gut, and part of him wondered if it was a nervous reaction more than anything. The moment was short lived, however, as there were still an overwhelming number of demons circling the three of them. Dean couldn't help but be reminded of the battle at the base of the mountain in Purgatory. Completely outnumbered and surrounded. If they could win that one, with only one knife between the two of them, they could win now. There was three of them, and this time Sam and Dean were equipped to take down a small army. Which was probably best, because that is what they were facing.

There was no time for the brothers to reach the slayer, who was currently having a showdown with the pack leader, as several bikes started to circle them effectively cutting off any route of escape. They hadn't recognized the Winchester brothers to begin with, and now Sam and Dean were going to show them how much of a mistake that was. A chain from the first bike that came at them had fallen to the ground, which Dean quickly grabbed to use to their advantage. As Sam began shooting at the tires of the bikes, hoping to knock a few of them out of the game, Dean raised the chain and swung it like he had seen the bikers doing. It took a lot of work, and every ounce of strength that the hunter had, but he managed to get some momentum behind it. The chain was flung out to the side, wrapping around the horns of one of the riders. Not an ideal shot, but it was enough to be able to rip the biker free from his ride, leaving the bike to tumble to the side. To avoid a fiery crash the rest of the riders were forced to break formation, allowing the brothers to get out of the closed off circle. Dean took the opportunity to dash off to join the slayer in her fight, and Sam was hot on his heels once again.

Buffy was standing in front of the pack leader, eyes flitting around from side to side as though she couldn't focus on anything. She couldn't hear a word he was saying to her, but quickly understood the situation as the back of his hand came into contact with her face with such a force that her head snapped to the side, drawing blood from her lip. She was stunned, but still didn't respond. Dean was watching with intense curiosity as he was trying to break free from the circle of bikers that had again found them. Another fist flew towards Buffy, but her hand came up to meet the assault before it came even close to making contact with her this time. Dean remembered being held in that grip, and he knew that this demon wasn't going anywhere now. The blonde's free hand quickly flew up and struck the biker in the face, and she followed through with a spinning roundhouse kick to the pack leader's throat. The demon staggered back, and Buffy delivered a strong scissor kick, snapping the monster's head backwards, effectively snapping his neck. He was dead long before his body hit the pavement in front of her.

"She killed him!" One of the bikers surrounding the hunter's screamed out, pointing towards the slayer and the corpse, "the slayer fucking killed him!"

The bikers hadn't even flinched at the gunshots the boys had dealt out, but seeing their leader dead was apparently enough to frighten them. The bikes quickly snapped into a straight line and tore down the street, leaving the three humans standing alone in a circle of death and flames. The new found silence was nearly deafening, and Dean found himself again in a state of shock. Standing less than ten feet away from him was a girl that he had fought beside for a lifetime. A girl whose grave he had visited only a month earlier. A girl who he had just been ripped into pieces right in front of his eyes. And yet, here she was, so close he could hear her ragged breaths as she geared down from the fight. It was Buffy.

"Buffy?" He asked again, "is that really you?"

Her eyes snapped to his, but it was as though she was looking straight through him, her gaze not focusing on anything. Her brows furrowed, and as he took a step forward she shrunk back from him. Dean stopped, understanding that she was frightened.

"It's okay, we're not going to hurt you. It's me, Dean. Buffy, it's me," Dean again tried to move closer, taking much smaller steps this time.

Although he was full of questions, Sam watched silently. He didn't know how Dean knew this girl, and he didn't understand the way she was behaving, but he knew that there was no way he was going to get any answers right now. There was a missing piece or two, but that would have to wait. Rather than interfere with whatever it was his brother was doing, Sam turned to watch their surroundings. The gang may have run off, but there were others lurking in the town, and the last thing they needed right now was to be caught off guard by another set of monsters.

Buffy finally seemed to focus in on Dean, a look of understanding crossing her face. Dean grinned and took a full step towards her before realizing what she was focusing on. All she could make out was his shotgun. Her eyes grew wide with fear as she took two shuffling steps back before taking off down the alley that was behind her.

"No! Buffy!" Dean yelled after her, "fuck!"

Dean cast a quick side glance to his brother before taking off after the blonde slayer. They ran as fast as they could, but even their long strides were no match for the speed of a slayer, especially a frightened one. They had given chase only moments after she had run away, but they had lost sight of her almost immediately. Once they reached the end of the alleyway it was impossible to figure out which direction she had opted to take, and splitting up was not an option that was partial to their survival. The disappointment was evident on Dean's face as he cussed again, kicking a nearby trash can over.

"Dean, who was that?" Sam finally had an opportunity to speak.

Dean knew he couldn't pretend this was just about a case he had heard about, not anymore. He was going to have to tell him about Buffy. He knew this day would come eventually, but he had hoped it would be when he pulled her out of Purgatory, not finding her in the middle of a warzone.

"Not now, Sammy. We have to find her."

That was the answer he was expecting. It seemed to be the only answer he had been able to get out of Dean since he returned from Purgatory. The sound of gunshots and more engines revving discouraged any argument Sam may have had. Dean was right, now was not the time for this. They had to move, and they had people to protect. Information about the mysterious girl would have to wait.

ӁӁӁ

_With no trace of tact, Anya asked the obvious question, "what's wrong with her?"_

"_Nothing! She's-she's in shock," Willow's voice taking on a defensive tone._

"_Her hands are bleeding…her fingers," the worry obvious in Tara's voice._

"_Oh, she's filthy," this time a sadness was present in Anya's voice._

_The entire time they spoke, Buffy remained crouched in the corner of the alley. Her hands grasping at her head, trying to make herself as small as she could be. Her friends stared down at her, keeping their distance. It was as though she couldn't see them, couldn't hear them. If she could, Buffy showed no sign of recognition. She looked terrified._

"_Oh no," realization sunk in for Xander._

"_What?" Willow turned to Xander._

"_No…how could we – so stupid!" A quiet rage filled Xander's eyes now, his hands balled into fists at his sides._

"_Xander!" Willow exclaimed._

"_Our spell. Our resurrection spell worked like a magic charm. We brought you back to life, Buffy," his gaze shifted from the blonde to Willow, "right where we left her."_

_The realization that Xander had come to now washed over the rest of the group, the horror truly setting in. _

_Tears filled Willow's eyes as she gasped, "Oh god…"_

"_In her coffin." Xander finished, the pain obvious in his voice._

_Tara finished the revelation, "she had to…dig out of her own grave…"_

ӁӁӁ

The brothers walked back towards the Impala, passing by where the carnage had started, where they had found the chained up blonde. Dean bee-lined for the car, but Sam hung back, wanting to take a look at the remains. Upon closer inspection Sam's suspicions were confirmed. The gang hadn't torn apart a human but rather what appeared to be some sort of robot. A very well put together robot for sure, but a robot nonetheless. This town was getting weirder by the minute, and so was this supposed case. Sam had far more questions than he did answers, and it was frustrating to be left in the dark.

"Dean, that thing was a robot," Sam puffed as he caught up to his brother.

"What?" Dean asked, looking at his brother over the roof of the Impala.

Sam nodded, "Yeah. I took a look, it's an electronic, wired, being. Know anything about it?"

Dean shot him an incredulous look, "No, what makes you think I would?"

"Well you obviously knew more about this 'case' than you let on. Just trying to get all the information, Dean."

Dean shot him his famous 'drop the fucking topic, Sammy' look and opened the driver's door.

"Get in the car. Now."

Sam sighed, but obeyed his brother's order. It was funny, Sam spent most of his life doing everything he could to disobey their father, and now as an adult he found himself falling in line more often than he would have ever expected. He couldn't explain it, but when it came to Dean, it never felt like he was barking orders.

Dean didn't know what direction he was going to drive in, but he knew he had to start driving. That was Buffy, there was no doubt in his mind. He didn't know how, but she was back. She was back, and wandering around lost. She had no idea where she was, and possibly even who she was. She could defend herself, that they had seen, but he had no idea if she could handle herself if an entire gang found her like they had found that robot. His stomach turned at the idea of the same fate befalling the real Buffy. His foot pressed harder into his pedal, making the Impala groan under the strain.

ӁӁӁ

_Dawn fought back tears, "Buffy? Buffy. You...you...you're really here," The tears were free-flowing now, "You're alive, and you're home. You're home." _

_She didn't know how it had happened, she didn't know where she had come from, but her sister was home. She was here, in her arms, living and breathing. Her hair was filled with soil and grass. Her dress was torn, and she had blood on her face and hands. She had been through a lot and it would take some time for her to adjust, but none of that mattered right now. Nothing else mattered. Buffy was here, with her. She was alive and she was home._


	4. Knocking at Your Back Door

**Chapter Three – Knocking At Your Backdoor**

The brothers drove around the streets for hours, but found no sign of the petite blonde. The drive had been mostly in silence, save for the occasional question from Sam, with a grunt for a response, and the cursing from Dean. They had made a couple of stops to do a thorough search of the possible hiding spots they passed, as well as to dispatch smaller groups of demons and bikers, but nothing had been turned up. Not even a sign that she had passed through any of the places they had been searching. They were running out of places to look, leaving Dean with one last anxious play. Her house was the only place he could think to look now, so he looped through the streets, desperately hoping to remember the route to her house, an address, or at very least to recognize the house. The idea of finding her and then losing her so soon was too much. Dean accelerated again, pushing the Impala to her limit. He silently apologized to his baby, but he knew she'd understand. She'd been through worse, and she'd live. The same could not be said for Buffy.

ӁӁӁ

"_How long was I gone?"_

_Spike's voice was strained, choking back tears, "Hundred forty-seven days yesterday. Uh…hundred forty-eight today. 'Cept today doesn't count, does it? How long was it for you, where you were?" Spike's hand grasped hers softly._

_Buffy paused, at first unsure of how to answer that question, "Longer."_

ӁӁӁ

The sight of the delicate house on Revello Drive should have been a moment of immense relief, but that feeling was distinctly absent as Dean parked his car down the block from it. Finding the house was not the same as finding Buffy, and he couldn't possibly know if Buffy would be able to find her way here. At least, not in the state she was in when they had found her. Looking at the house, they noticed lights on inside, but there was no sight of the blonde nearby. Dean could only hope that she was inside, safe and sound. This part of the town appeared to be untouched by the chaos that had tainted what they had seen so far. That offered a small amount of comfort to the brothers.

Sam wouldn't say anything at the moment, but he recognized this house from a month or so ago when they had been in this town. He remembered parking in this exact spot as Dean went around the back of the house. Last time he had stayed in the car like his brother had instructed, but this time there was no way he was sitting this one out. He didn't know what they were doing here, and it may look quiet enough, but it wasn't safe out there alone. His brother was frantic, and frantic meant reckless. A reckless hunter generally ended up dead, so Sam knew that Dean needed someone to watch his back right now, even if he wouldn't ask for it.

Taking a deep breath, almost as though he was hoping to pull some courage from the air around him, Dean stepped out of the car. His gun was at the ready, his eyes scanning the surrounding area, but his focus remained on the house. He could see movement inside, and opted to stay low and stick to the shadows. He didn't know who, or what, was in the house. If it was simply her family and friends, Dean wasn't ready to explain himself to anyone. If there was any source of evil inside, Dean wouldn't hesitate to break the door down if he needed to, though he hoped that any introductions would be less abrupt and hasty than that. The two brothers stayed quiet as they made their way to the house. A quick peek in through the window revealed a group of people, all standing around someone who was sitting with her back to the window. She was wearing a white shirt now, and her hair was cleaned up and tied back, but he was sure it was her. He had found Buffy, and she had found her home.

"I, I think I ... just wanna go to sleep," Buffy spoke softly, like she was unsure of her own words.

God it felt good to hear her voice, even if it was through a pane of glass. It was the confirmation he needed that it was really her, that she was here, and that she really was okay. She had found her way home, and was with her friends and family. He recognized the group of people around her as the ones he had seen when he came to check on her sister. She would be okay here with them. He watched her leave the room, probably heading to bed as she had stated, and finally the relief he so needed washed over him.

Buffy was alive. She was alive and she was okay.

Sunnydale, however, was not. Even with the Slayer back, the demons were still trying to run this town. Dean may not have been able to save Buffy from Purgatory like he had wanted to, but he sure as hell wasn't going to force her into the fight so soon. He didn't know how long she had been back, but he was willing to hazard a guess that she was freshly brought back.

That confusion that was splashed on her face was familiar. He had gone through the same thing himself. An image flashed past his eyes of her hands. He had seen her knuckles briefly when he tried to approach her. They were cut and bloodied. He knew what she had done, now he understood. She clawed her way through her grave. He had done the same. He now understood why she had been so lost and disheveled. She had only just got back. God, if he had come out of his grave and found himself in a warzone like this, he would have been just as lost. Realization set in as he heard Cas' words play over in his head again. Cas knew she was coming back. That's why he wanted Dean nowhere near Sunnydale. Which could only mean that Cas knew more about what happened. It would seem that Dean wasn't the only one keeping secrets.

Buffy was dealing with a lot. With all this new context in Dean's head, he could understand how overwhelmed she must be feeling. Wrapping her head around being brought back from the dead was enough. She shouldn't have to worry about having to protect her town tonight. Finally Dean found something he could do to help, and it just so happened to be something he was good at. It was the least he could do. Dean stalked off back towards the Impala, carrying with him the image of Buffy sitting with her friends.

Buffy was alive. She was alive and she was okay.

Sam didn't need to see anything more than the back of the blonde's head to realize that this was the same girl they had seen earlier that night. It was the same girl that Dean had been pursuing, and he had known right where she would go. Obviously the last time they had visited this place he had been looking for her then as well. The hasty retreat they had taken that night told him that she hadn't been here that time. His brother had found the person he was supposed to check on, but not this blonde. She was here now, but Sam had no idea what that actually meant. Sam had no clue who this girl even was, but she was clearly important to Dean somehow. Even though he had gained more pieces of the puzzle, he was still missing some huge piece that would bring this whole mess into a clear image. There was no way for Dean to avoid it this time, and Sam figured that he was owed some answers. He had gone along with Dean for the entire time that he had been back, never questioning a thing. That was done now. The doors to the Impala were no sooner shut before Sam was on Dean, rapid-firing questions.

"Okay. Why are we here? Why have we been here before? Who is that girl? How do you know her? Why are you willing to risk our lives for her? Why was there a robot look-alike of her? What does she have to do with the cemetery we visited last time?"

Dean flinched at each question that Sam flung at him, mostly because he knew he was unable to continue running from them. It was time to give Sam something solid to chew on for a while, even if it wasn't the whole story. He had seen Buffy in the house and knew that Dean had been pursuing someone he knew. Maybe given some time Dean could come up with a lie, but at this point in time? He was tired. Far too tired to come up with some great fabrication that could explain away everything that had happened, not just tonight but over the last month or so.

Dean squeezed the corner of his eyes with a sigh.

"Dean?"

"I met her in Purgatory. She's the slayer."

"The slayer? As in **the** vampire slayer? 'One girl in all the world' slayer?" Sam sounded a cross between doubtful and stunned.

Dean nodded, "That's her."

"Slayers are real?"

"Very."

Sam thought a moment on that, "are the stories true?"

Dean gave a slight nod, "well they don't come with magic powers, but superpowers? Definitely. Strength. Agility. Speed. Heightened senses. She had 'em all."

"What was it like seeing her fight," Sam was slightly enamoured with the legend of the Slayer, and he couldn't help but question it as his eyes glinted like a child in a candy store.

"Incredible, Sammy. Absolutely incredible."

"I thought slayers were on the side of the good guys. How did she end up in Purgatory? How did she get out? With you?"

Dean's head was already throbbing from all the questions. That was the thing with Sam, one question would almost always spiral into ten. And those ten would take Dean deeper than he had ever wanted to go.

"She died, Sam. Somehow she ended up there instead of where she belonged. I have no clue how she's back, but she is," a pang of guilt washed over him when he thought back to his escape from Purgatory. "She was still trapped there when I got out." He purposely avoided his brother's eyes.

"You left her behind?" The confusion that laced Sam's question softened the blow, but it was still a low blow as far as Dean was concerned.

"I did **not** leave her behind!" Dean yelled, shooting his brother a withering look.

Dean's outburst signalled that question time was over. While he may not have uncovered much, Sam still felt satisfied that he got somewhere. As much as he wanted to know all about the slayer, beyond what they had read in books, now was obviously not the time. He'd let Dean vent his anger with some good old fashioned demon killing before he pushed him further.

ӁӁӁ

_Buffy's voice was low and hoarse, barely recognizable as her own, "What did you do? Do you know what you did? You're like children. Your hands smell of death. Bitches! Filthy little bitches, rattling the bones. Did you cut the throat? Did you pat its head?" She was shouting now, "the blood dried on your hands, didn't it?"_

_The panic settled in for the two witches. Tara stared wide-eyed, seemingly frozen._

_Willow reached for Tara who was muttering "Oh my god, oh my god…"_

"_You were stained. You still are. I know what you did!" Buffy continued to shout._

_Willow leapt from the bed to switch the light on. When she turned around Buffy was gone._

ӁӁӁ

Dean wiped the blood off of his face with a grin. There was something about hacking off monster heads that seemed to make him feel better. More so since he returned from Purgatory, for sure. They had been fighting demons for hours, and he finally felt like they were making a dent in the population. They had left the Summers' house shortly before the sun had risen, and they had been hacking down demons ever since. It was late in the afternoon, closing in on the evening, and Dean knew he should be tired by now. No fatigue was settling in though, and this was the closest he had felt to Purgatory since he returned. At least in the waking world. It was the best part of Purgatory, being able to unleash completely. Anything that moved, died. No shades of grey needed to exist right now, and it helped erase some of the turmoil that Dean had been covering since seeing Buffy again, but not enough.

"I think the rest of them have all split," Sam stated, also wiping some demon blood from his face.

Dean had been giving him the silent treatment ever since the blow up in the car the previous night. Sam had hoped that clearing the gangs from the town would be enough to lighten Dean's mood, but obviously his expectations had been too high. They had killed a large number of beasts, and still the rage was obvious on Dean's face. Sam must have hit an exposed nerve with his comment, which he now regretted.

"Do you want to take another spin through town, just in case?" Sam kept prodding, hoping to get even a nod in response from Dean.

"Sure."

Well, one word was better than nothing.

A few laps through the streets proved mostly peaceful, and any demon they did come across was hightailing it away from Sunnydale. The brothers both figured that it was a combination of the slayer returning to town and their efforts to beat the gangs out. No matter the cause, Sunnydale seemed to have returned to a sleepy state. The only evidence left of the chaos was the bonfires, overturned cars, and broken windows. Nothing the people couldn't handle over the next few days. Only one stop remained before the hunters could too blow town.

"We stopping by the slayer's house?"

"Her name is Buffy."

"Okay. Are we stopping by Buffy's house before we head out?"

Dean nodded, "that's the plan anyways. I promised her I'd check in on her sister last time we were here. I gotta let her know that I at least did that."

"That's why we were here last time?"

Dean leaned his head back, sighing. "Ya, that was why. Buffy chose to stay back in Purgatory, but she needed someone to check on her sister. I promised I would do so when I got home. When I peeked in the windows last time, I saw her surrounded by friends. Had a watch dog of sorts outside too. She was safe, and I didn't have to worry about it."

"She chose to stay?"

Dean nodded, "at first anyways. Last minute she wanted to leave with me. We, uh, got interrupted. She ended up having to stay after all…" Dean trailed off, the memory of her pushing him through the portal still a fresh wound.

His hand instinctively raised to where her hand had hit him in the chest, as though he could still feel the impact. He could still see the expression on her face while they stood in front of the portal while Eve held tight onto her. Buffy didn't want to stay in that place any more than he would have wanted to, but yet in that moment it was the decision she made. She had made it so that he could escape, so that he could live. The sorrow in her eyes was staggering, and it killed him to know that she had changed her mind. That she wanted to go with him. It was only a split second that he had the chance to see how she truly felt, but it felt like a lifetime. Dean couldn't explain it to Sam, and he didn't want to. He just wanted to leave it at that.

"And the cemetery we stopped at?" Sam pried.

Dean tried to remain stone faced, but was starting to fail on that front. There were too many memories circling through his mind and it was hard to ignore them.

"I wanted to confirm her story. To see that she was actually dead," Dean paused. "I guess part of me wanted to make sure that people were visiting her there. That she wasn't forgotten."

Sam understood more than he was willing to let on. He hadn't been to Jess' grave in years, and he could only hope that other people were visiting her there. Both brothers knew that a person wasn't actually tied to their grave; that they weren't actually there. They also knew that the gravesite was just as much for the living as it was for the dead. It was crazy that a cement block could offer as much comfort as it did. Sam always felt closer to Jess when he did get to stop by it. It wasn't the same, visiting Jess as it was visiting Buffy, but Sam got it. He could see the guilt in his brother's eyes. It was the same guilt that Sam had carried over the years since Jess' death. This was the distress that Sam had been able to pick up on, he finally got it. He had thought knowing the truth would make him feel better, but it didn't.

"Alright," Sam said simply, knowing that there was nothing he could say to lighten the current mood, "let's go."

ӁӁӁ

"_Uh, I do remember what I said. The promise. To protect her," Spike paused, struggling to get through what it was he wanted to say. "If I had done that, even if I didn't make it, you wouldn't have had to jump." Guilt marked his words. _

"_But I want you to know I did save you. Not when it counted, of course, but…after that. Every night after that. I'd see it all again_, _do something different. Faster or more clever, you know? Dozens of times, lots of different ways."_

_His voice softened, and it was so quiet that Buffy could barely hear him speak._

_Spike took a deep breath, "Every night I save you."_

ӁӁӁ

Pulling up to the house, parking in what the boys kind of saw as their own spot now, Dean was struck with an incredible sense of apprehension. He didn't know what he was expecting to happen, how she would react to him being here. What could he even say to her? She was back from the dead, pulled out of Purgatory, and she was home. There wasn't really a protocol for this kind of situation, and Dean had no idea how to even approach her at this point. She just got home, was he really willing to separate her from her friends right now, even for a minute? Was she ready to explain who he was? Was she ready to confront the memories of that place? Dean had thought about this moment nonstop since returning home, but the circumstances were completely different than he had been expecting. He thought he'd be seeing her as he saved her. Someone, or something, else had done the rescuing, not him. What kind of conversation lead in could he have now?

It was long dark now, and Dean sat in the Impala for an hour before he was able to even think about heading towards the house. He was afraid that Sam was going to make a big deal of things, but much to his surprise, and appreciation, Sam sat silently with him. Dean sat and waited until the last light in the house went out, casting the yard into blackness. He hoped that it would be Buffy that would answer the door, avoiding at least one awkward situation. With a deep breath, Dean found himself forcing his way across the yard. His years of training told him to take a lap around the house to make sure everything was clear of those biker gang demons before knocking on the door. No sense in dragging a fight right to her front door. Plus it gave him a little more time to work up his own courage. He had never felt this amount of nerves before. It wasn't a feeling that the Winchester enjoyed, and he had no real idea of how to cope with it. Dean walked a slower pace than normal, grateful that Sam wasn't around to take notice of that.

Coming around to the back of the house, Dean was surprised to find the slayer sitting on her back steps. Alone. Dean sucked back into the shadows of the trees to remain unseen. The slayer's senses picked up on him anyways, as her eyes snapped upwards toward where he had been standing. Buffy scanned the area carefully, but eventually stopped her search. She obviously knew someone was nearby, but she sensed it wasn't a threat. Dean was grateful for the time he had been given here, not only to prepare himself, but to watch her. It was the only peaceful moment he had ever had around her and his heart was practically singing at the thought that she was this close to him. For once he was able to see her at rest, without her senses being pushed into overdrive. In this moment she wasn't the prey, and she didn't have to be a predator. If even for a moment, she got to be Buffy. This was what Buffy was like in a world that was much less violent than Purgatory. In that moment Dean replaced his image of Buffy from Purgatory with this one.

He noticed that she looked overwhelmed, a little unsure of her surroundings, and a little disjointed. He remembered that feeling well, after being ripped out of hell. It was similar to the feeling when Cas grabbed him from limbo. Despite everything, Buffy looked much more like the woman he remembered meeting in Purgatory than she had when he had seen her earlier that night. He figured she was still adjusting to being back and started to regret his decision to approach her already, but at least she looked less lost. The last thing she needed was more to process right now, but he was here, and he couldn't leave without at least checking in. She would never forgive him if he left without a word. He wouldn't forgive himself either. He was about the step out of the shadows when a hand clamped firmly down on his shoulder. He spun around quickly to find himself face to face with Cas.

"Dean, I warned you not to do this," Cas's voice sounded like a parent who was scolding a petulant child.

"And since when do I ever listen to you? You knew I would come anyways," Dean kept his voice hushed so that Buffy wouldn't hear them.

"I expected you would make the trip, but I had hoped you would stay away from the slayer," Cas also lowered his voice.

Cas caught the look in Dean's eyes. It was one that he had never seen in the Winchester before, but he had seen it for centuries as he watched the people of Earth. Gabriel used to tease Cas relentlessly for not understanding the concept, for not recognizing it. For the first time he realized exactly what the draw was that the hunter had to the slayer. He had missed it before, but it was now as clear as day on Dean's face. If he had picked up on this sooner, he would have known that he could never halt Dean from traveling to Sunnydale. Cas felt guilt start to well up inside of him. Now he almost wished that he had alerted Dean to what the plan was regarding the slayer. Almost. Though now he understood even better why he couldn't have told him. There was too much at stake to allow Dean's prejudices to jeopardize her return. Regardless of his feelings for the slayer.

"How is she here, Cas? I thought you couldn't get her?"

"I couldn't. I am not responsible for her returning from Purgatory. There was a very powerful being that took it upon themselves to bring her back."

"Powerful being?" Dean felt his heart sink, this had demon deal written all over it.

"A witch. Her witch."

The instant rage build up was too much to bear. He remembered Buffy talking about a friend that dabbled in some Wiccan culture, but this was more than dabbling, and it was certainly more than harmless little spells. This was messing with life and death, and it was messing with some serious powers. Powers that she should have never dealt with, powers that were never meant to be understood by humans. Fucking witches.

"Willow?"

Cas nodded, "the power in her is substantial. She did what I could not, imploring Osiris to pull her back to the mortal coil. It is rare that he is willing to send spirits back."

Dean took in the new information, completely awestruck. It was a lot to take in, especially that there was a witch powerful enough to do what Cas couldn't. He didn't know this witch, and he hoped it remained that way. Anyone with that kinda power had to be absolutely terrifying.

Cas interrupted Dean's thoughts, "Are you determined to speak with her?"

"Uh, ya," Dean didn't even try to hide the attitude in his voice. "Kinda why I'm here, Cas."

"If you're going to insist on this, then I feel I must warn you."

"Warn me?"

His first thought was that she came back different. That she came back wrong. That she wasn't the Buffy he had known. He didn't know what Cas was going to say, but he braced himself anyways. There was no way that it could be good news.

"She will not know who you are," Cas stated, "she will not remember you."


	5. You Can't Put Your Arms Around A Memory

Hey guys! Sorry for the delay on this one. Between school and being sick the last week or so I haven't had a whole lot of time. I wish I could say that the next chapter won't take as long, but I can't promise that.

Thank you all for the reviews, it has been lovely to see them piling up They mean a ton to me and I love hearing that people are enjoying the story! I know, I'm cruel and terrible for the angst and twists, but don't worry, there's plenty of good coming tooooooooooo.

This is a bit of a longer chapter as a way of apologizing for the delay on it. The next one will probably take a little longer to put up, but it is coming I promise. Blame school, as they are terrible to me sometimes haha.

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><p><strong>Chapter Four – You Can't Put Your Arms Around A Memory<strong>

Dean stood dumbfounded for a moment as he struggled to comprehend the words that Cas had spoken. He gave his head a quick shake, unsure that he had heard Cas correctly. He hoped that he had mistaken what Cas had said.

"What did you just say?"

"She has no memory of you," Cas stated again.

"What? How is that – "

"When she was in transit here from Purgatory, I intercepted her. My aim had been to redirect her to heaven so that she may enjoy the afterlife that she deserved. Unfortunately I was unable to do so. She had already been tethered back to the Earth, to her physical form, and I was not strong enough to break that hold."

"What does that have to do with her memories?" Dean asked, losing patience in Cas' lengthy explanation.

"I couldn't do as I had wished, so I did the only thing I could think to do in that moment. I could see the cracks and breaks that she was suffering; I could see the harm that had been done. It was substantial, Dean. Her soul was in pieces, and so I altered her memories to aid in mending that damage. As far as she knows, she was in heaven. I erased Purgatory and all its horrors, and to do that I had to erase you as well," Cas spoke gently, though seemingly unaware of how sharp his words had been to Dean.

"Why would you do that?" Dean seethed quietly, using every ounce of restraint he could muster.

"You were right when you said that the Slayer did not belong in Purgatory. I may not have been able to help her there, and I could not prevent her from returning to the mortal world, but I was not prepared for her to suffer the horrors and agonies of that wicked world. I was able to at least fabricate memories of a good afterlife for her."

Dean felt like the rug had been pulled out from under his feet. His vision darkened and he felt the bile-like anger rising from his gut. Anger was the only response he could muster to cover the impending feeling of heartache and despair. Memories flashed through his head each with the sharpness of a nail driven through his flesh. The sound of her laugh. The way she had hugged him when they found the river. The way her nose crinkled in her sleep. How soft her skin felt as he wrapped her wound. The awe he felt watching her fight. The way his heart soared when she finally shared her name, right before it lurched into his throat as she shoved him through the portal. The loneliness that ripped through him as he watched the exit close between them, separating them for what he thought would be forever. So many thoughts passed through his mind, finally landing on what Cas had just revealed.

Here she was, maybe thirty feet away from him, and he was being told that she had no idea who he was anymore. Everything they had built was gone, just like that. She had become so much more than just his survival partner, and now it didn't mean a damn thing. As far as she would know, there was no history between them. He never dove into a pit of quicksand to save her. They never found a kindred spirit in one another. She never got him through the exit. As far as she knew, they hadn't spent a lifetime fighting for survival together. All he was now, was some hunter that had shown up in her town. Everything they worked for, everything they were, everything they could be…all vanished in front of Dean's eyes, all because of the simple words that Cas had uttered.

It did nothing to change his resolve. He still wanted to talk to her. He needed to. Even if she had no idea who he was, he needed to do this. Dean had been waiting for the moment he would talk to her again ever since he lost her in Purgatory. He couldn't walk away now, not after everything. It may not be exactly what he expected, but it was still all he wanted.

"Well thanks for the heads up. Now if you'll excuse me, I have someone to talk to."

"Dean, be careful. Do not undo the work I've done. She deserves more than that, don't you agree?"

Dean wrestled with himself. On the one hand, he wanted nothing more than for her to remember him. To finally know each other in the real world. Everything they had been through had changed him so much, and he wanted to share in that. Purgatory may have been awful, but Buffy made it bearable. How was he going to handle having all these memories, and no one to share them with? How was he supposed to know all about her, but pretend he didn't? How could he live his life, knowing what he had lost simply by her not having those memories? There was so much history between them, and all he wanted was to pick up where they left off. Thinking about what relationship they could have in the real world was one of the driving forces behind his pursuit for the exit. This was Buffy, man.

On the other hand, he had been right. Cas was right, too. She didn't deserve to end up in Purgatory. There had been a time where he had suspected that maybe she did, but that thought was long dead and buried. It didn't matter what wrong calls she had made, Buffy was one of the good guys in every sense of the word. The Slayer was the protector of the people, she was still one of the best, purest, and most caring people he had ever met, and if anyone deserved heaven it was her. She may not have actually been there, but she could at least live in a world where she thought she had. Where she knew that she had gotten the reward she had earned through her lifetime of servitude. She wouldn't have to wake up in a cold sweat, afraid to find herself back in Purgatory, like he was. She wouldn't have to remember all the horrid things they saw. She wouldn't be scarred like he was. She wouldn't suffer. Her life could be a little lighter this way, and she could leave some of the darkness behind. Didn't she deserve that?

"I just wanna talk to her, Cas. I need to hear from her that she is okay. Then we'll go," Dean's voice quieted down, "I need this. Please."

Cas sighed, "if you must, Dean, but do so quickly."

Cas was gone as quickly as he had appeared, leaving Dean alone once more. His confidence laid in ruins and any thoughts he'd had for approaching her were shaken. He cast his gaze back to the blonde who was now sitting with her head in her hands, staring out into the night with a thousand yard stare. Her exhaustion was obvious, and it was troubling to see her in such a state. He had hoped like hell that the next time he saw her it would be better than Purgatory. Sure this was better, but she looked just as downtrodden as she had been before. The pang in his heart gave him some of his motivation back. No matter what, he had to do this. Even if she had no idea who he was, he had to talk to her. He owed himself at least that much. Dean wouldn't go far enough to think that he deserved this moment, but he sure as hell needed it. Taking another deep breath, Dean walked over to the blonde.

Her head snapped up to see him, "hello?" Her small voice called towards him.

Her voice was exactly what he remembered, and he felt shivers move up his spine as she looked at him. He had known he missed her, but he didn't realize just how much until right this moment, when she was within arms-reach. It took most of his strength to hold himself back from running towards her and pulling her into his arms. It was something he had wanted to do in Purgatory more than once, but had always held back. He had to hold back again now, and it killed him. This was never supposed to be a moment of holding back. Her eyes roamed over him assessing what kind of threat he could be, trying to suss out who or what he was. Her gaze was disabling as he closed in on her, scrambling any thoughts he'd had in his head.

"Uh, hi there," panic settled in. Why hadn't he thought of a cover story for what he was doing in her backyard!? He had plenty of time, and all he had to show for it was some now incredibly weak knees and a blank mind. _"Smooth move, Winchester."_

She was standing now, obviously going on high alert, "Not to be rude or anything, but, whatcha doin' in my yard?"

"Oh! Ya, this must look weird. I uh, was just in the neighborhood and…" Dean rolled his eyes. This was not going well. "Screw it. I'm a hunter. Your town was overrun with demons and I was just making sure the area was cleared. Seems like most of them have bailed by now."

The shock on Buffy's face was easy for Dean to pick up on, but she kept herself well composed. "Oh. Uh, thank you?"

Dean shrugged, "we heard the town was left unprotected. Now that you're back, we'll be on our way. The demon's hightailed it pretty quick when they saw the Slayer back in action."

"Wait, what did you say?"

"_Shit,"_ Dean thought to himself. He wasn't supposed to know she was the Slayer, and he certainly wasn't supposed to know she had been gone. He was hoping she would buy the lie he was about to spit out, especially since it wasn't likely to be a very good one. "What, you don't think hunters know about the Slayer?"

"The one's I've met certainly didn't," Buffy crossed her arms skeptically. "Wait. I've seen you before…"

Concern washed over Dean. He was afraid that even just seeing him was enough to break the memories that Cas had built for her. Maybe Cas was right, he shouldn't have come here at all. It was stupid and it was selfish, and how could he have risked compromising –

His thoughts were cut off by the blonde continuing to speak.

"Last night. You stepped in when the biker gang tore apart, uh…"

"The robot? Ya, that was me. And my brother."

"You helped me. Thank you." She seemed to relax once she got a better sense of who he was.

"Don't mention it, just doin' our job. Also, robots? This town really does have everything, huh?"

"You have no idea," Buffy chuckled.

"Gonna tell me what the robot was about?"

"Uh, how it came to be? Definitely not," she cringed.

Buffy gave a slight shudder which did nothing but pique Dean's interest, but it was obvious that she wasn't going to share that story. Maybe one day he'd drag it out of her, but right now that was asking a lot. For the time being he would just be happy that she was willing to speak to him at all.

Buffy continued, "we probably should have destroyed it. We almost did actually, but it's proven useful more than once. She was holding my place while I was gone so that the demon world would think Sunnydale was still protected."

"It worked for a while, I guess. What changed?"

Buffy shrugged, "not a clue."

"Did you build that thing?"

"No, someone paid a nerd to make her just like me," Buffy took note of the grimace on Dean's face, "ya, the hellmouth really brings out the creeps and crazies."

"Well it's a good thing it's got its own prison guard."

Buffy smirked as a small silence hung between them. Dean could feel that she was sizing him up again, and he was grateful to take the opportunity to get a better look at her. It was the first time he had seen her without the layers of grime and blood on her, and it was an image that he wanted to take with him when he had to walk away from her. She may be on guard still, but it was nothing like in Purgatory. This was a new image of Buffy, and it felt really good to see it.

"I'm Buffy," she smiled, reaching her hand out towards him.

Dean grasped her hand, revelling in how soft her skin was, how gentle her grip was. "Dean. Uh, Winchester."

"Nice to meet ya, Dean. Now again, I don't mean to be rude, but uh…hunters? Not so much allowed in this town. Thanks for your help and all, but I'd appreciate it if you guys bailed too. Hunters and me aren't really mixy-mixy."

"Fair enough," he chuckled, "don't wanna step on the Slayer's toes."

Her smiled widened a touch more, "thanks. I appreciate you not makin' a big deal of it."

"Hey uh, you good? Like you're okay?" He hadn't come all this way to check on her, and not ask that question.

"Yeah, I'm good."

The tone of her response was so perfectly Buffy. It was a joy to hear. Even if it wasn't one hundred percent sincere. He knew her voice well enough by now to pick up on half-truths and fibs, but he figured there was no reason to call her on it. It was mostly true, of that he could tell. Something was gnawing at her, but she was alive. She was alive and whole, and Buffy. She was good.

Buffy was secretly glad that the man she was talking to hadn't picked up on the fact that she was lying. No more than an hour earlier she had beheaded some demon that had tried to send her back to where she had come from. Tried to rip her away from her friends. From Dawn. Adjusting to being home again was hard, but that didn't mean she wanted to be pulled away from her sister so soon. Whoever this Dean was, he wasn't much with the observation, and that was good for her.

She had a hard time believing that he was a hunter though. Buffy had met a handful on the hellmouth over the years, and he was nothing like them. Sid had been a disgusting pig and Cain had been a chauvinistic prick. So far this hunter seemed to have neither of these qualities. He also appeared to be considerably younger than the hunters she had found so far. Substantially better looking too. As much as Buffy would have liked to say otherwise, she was fairly certain that his incredible looks were the reason she was even willing to be talking with him right now.

Dean dug through his pocket and grabbed a scrap of paper so that he could write his number down. He scribbled it quickly, hoping that she would be able to read his chicken scratch. It was a bold move that Dean was about to make, but if he couldn't have Buffy the way he had wanted to, then he could at least keep contact with her. Especially if she ever ended up remembering who he was.

"Now don't take this the wrong way," Dean smirked, "but this is my number."

Buffy took it from him, eyes scanning the digits briefly before looking back up to Dean, "uh, what for?"

"In case the gangs come back and you want a hand. Or in case you aren't up for a battle when one finds you. Or if something comes up that throws you for a loop. For anything really."

Buffy regarded the note for a minute before fully accepting it. "Thanks, Dean."

"Call anytime, okay? Really. Now I'll get the hell out of your town," he said with a wink.

Buffy laughed and gave an appreciative nod. The sound struck him right to his core. The laugh that had plagued him for the last month no longer sounded so haunting. It was a sound he thought he'd never hear again. Now that he had, he found a tingle in his heart that he could barely recognize, as though it had restarted a muscle that had been long dormant. Her laugh was perfect.

In a moment of weakness he thought about trying to trigger her memories, trying to bring his face forward from behind whatever wall Cas had built. It was a selfish thought, and Dean quickly banished it back to the depths of his brain that it came from. He would never forgive himself if she suffered because he was careless and rash. Instead he found himself studying every inch of Buffy once more. Her face, her eyes, her lips, the way her hair bounced, her form, her voice, her laugh. He memorized it all before he walked away. Dean refused to let this be the last time he saw her, but he knew that seeing her while he was plagued with all these memories would be too hard. He would see her again, but not too terribly soon. He needed some time to cope and she needed some time to readjust. Timing was everything, and although hunters and Slayers didn't have a whole lot of it, some time needed to pass between them. For both of their sakes.

Every time he had thought about her since he had been back plenty of different memories had scrolled through his head. It didn't matter what memories he went through, it always landed on the same one. It always ended with her face just before she shoved him through the portal. It was such a mix of pain and regret that had filled her wide eyes that it was hard to forget. It was one of the images that woke him in the dead of the night, and never failed to strike right at his heartstrings. All he wanted to do now was replace it so that it could stop plaguing him. He wanted his memories to land on her smiling face just as it was now.

It was hard for Dean to walk away, but he knew he had to. There was too much he wanted to say, too much he wanted to do. Part of him feared that if he left now, she would prove to be nothing more than a figment of his imagination. Or worse, he would wake up and this would have all been a dream. He couldn't handle that, if that was the case, but if he didn't walk away now he may never leave. Remaining here was sure to cause more damage to the both of them, and that was something he couldn't let himself be responsible for. He couldn't stay here, so he had to go. There was no other option.

"Dean?" The sweet voice called after him.

He stopped, unsure if he should turn around or just keep walking. He could walk away, make a clean break. That would have been the smart move, and he knew that Cas would have wanted him to keep walking. His want to see her again won out over his instinct of self-preservation. He turned around to face her, her green eyes shining through the shadows while the moonlight highlighted her hair. It was the first time he was seeing her in this sort of light. Purgatory's night lighting was much drearier. How is it possible that someone could look this beautiful even in the dark?

"Maybe one hunter can be allowed into Sunnydale," she said with a smirk.

Dean returned the smirk and continued his walk out of the yard.

Buffy watched the man walk away until she couldn't see him anymore. Alone once again in her yard she looked back to the number he had scrawled across the scrap of paper. She couldn't explain it, but there was something about him that struck her in an odd way. She could trust him, and she didn't know why. It was just a gut feeling that she got, a vibe off of him that put her at ease. Hunters and her didn't mix, but this one was different. He didn't come across brash, and he didn't treat her like she couldn't handle her own town. This hunter had saved her town when she had been incapable of doing so, and took it in stride when she asked him to leave. His rugged good looks certainly didn't hurt his case, either, as she had noted when he first gave the scrap of paper to her. Any urge to throw the number away seemed to dwindle down to nothing, and she found herself planning where to stash it so she wouldn't lose it. Something told her that Dean Winchester's number was a good thing to have.

Dean headed back to the car slowly with his hands buried deep in his pockets. His thoughts were still racing from the conversation he had just had. It was nothing like he had dreamed of since he had been home. He had expected fireworks, he had expected a warm reception. Never in a million years would he have expected that she wouldn't know who he was. It was a warmer reception than their first encounter, but he still couldn't help but feel let down. Dean silently berated himself for feeling that way almost immediately. He just got to see Buffy, to talk to her, how could he be feeling anything but bliss? The mix of emotions was enough to give him a headache.

Just before reaching the Impala, Cas showed up in front of him.

"What do you want?" He was in no mood to deal with Cas right now.

"Dean, I'm sorry. You know it was for the best," a tone of sympathy was in Cas' voice, one that Dean was not used to hearing.

"Do I? Look, I know you're just checking in on me. I didn't ruin your work, so you can stop worrying," Dean pulled his hands out of his pocket.

"Good. I know this must be hard for you."

"You don't know anything!" Dean hollered. He recomposed himself and added, "did you know that her witch friend was going to pull her back?"

Cas nodded, "I did. This is why I was not concerned with her being left behind in Purgatory. The witch's plans were loud and clear, and it was well known she would succeed. I told you there were plans in motion."

"And it's really her, right? She's Buffy and not some zombie knock-off?"

"She is proper, Dean. Minus her altered memories, she is exactly who she was before Purgatory."

A sigh of relief escaped Dean's lips. The only thing worse than this all being a dream would be if Buffy had come back tainted or wrong. This was Buffy. This was his Buffy, just as she had been before she died. Now another fear needed to be addressed.

"Is she, the witch, is she dangerous?"

"I know of your feelings towards witches. I assure you that Ms. Rosenberg poses no threat. Her path is a formidable one, just as the Slayer's is," Cas assured him. "She is one you can trust."

"Can the same be said for you?" Dean's annoyance with the angel was becoming overpowering. He gave his head a slight shake before continuing to speak, "was that why you didn't want us coming here? So I wouldn't mess up whatever memories you built for her?"

Cas hesitated before answering Dean's question, "that was part of it. I was afraid that if you arrived before the ritual was complete that you would prevent the Slayer from returning."

"Because a witch was doing it?"

Cas nodded, "regardless of how she came back, the Slayer is meant to walk this Earth again. It was part of why I could not halt her return and deliver her to heaven. The safety of the world depends on her being alive, and I could not allow you to interfere in that. I knew that if you had discovered the plan to be the work of a witch, you would have impeded her progress."

Dean hated to admit it, but Cas was right. As much as he had wanted Buffy back, as badly as the world needed her, as much as he needed her, he would have never allowed her to be brought back by witchcraft. This new information did nothing to quell his anger though. Cas should have told him that she was coming back.

"Wait, safety of the world? What does that mean?"

It was too late. Again, Cas was gone as soon as he had appeared. Man he had to stop doing that. Shaking his head he climbed into the car, dreading facing Sam's questions. Dean was grateful to find Sam sleeping in the seat. Dean had had enough difficult conversations for the day, and one more was less than appealing.

ӁӁӁ

Sam couldn't believe what Dean had told him when they had stopped for the night. He hadn't realized how big of a puzzle piece the Slayer was going to be, and how much would fall into place after discovering that. His head had been swimming since Dean admitted to meeting the Slayer in Purgatory, but to learn that she was pulled out by a witch was a lot to deal with. They had met a lot of witches in their time, but most of them were into hex bags and curses. He had never heard of one who had risked themselves to save someone else. A witch with the kind of power to bring someone back from the dead had to have some serious juice, unlike any they had met before. That thought alone was terrifying. The fact that Dean hadn't insisted on taking her down was the most surprising part of that story. If he didn't know better, he'd think that Dean was starting to understand that there were shades of grey in this world. It was more likely that there was something else at play here, some connection that Sam hadn't found yet.

If that wasn't enough, Cas had known about all this too. He had made it so that this Buffy had no idea she had landed in Purgatory. Sam couldn't help but feel a level of anger as Dean relayed that information. If Cas could have done that for this girl, why couldn't he have done that for his brother? After everything they had done for Cas, after everything they had been through together, Sam figured that Cas would want to help Dean too. Dean didn't deserve those memories any more than the Slayer did. Hunters were just as good as the Slayer, and they made the active choice to protect people. So why couldn't Dean have been granted the same mercy?

Dean hadn't opened up about Purgatory, hadn't shared any grisly stories, but he knew they were there. He had seen Dean suffering since they were reunited. He woke up in cold sweats, he had nightmares, and he was always watching the shadows, never letting his guard down for a second. Dean didn't think he'd noticed, but Sam saw the way he had been barricading the doors at night when he thought Sam had fallen asleep. There was nothing Sam could do to lessen the load, and he hated it. Dean had done so much for him over the years, and he felt like he was unable to ever compare, to ever pay his brother back.

Thinking back to those nights, Sam remembered all the times he had woken up and found Dean attached to the laptop screen. When Dean had told Sam that he'd had every intention of pulling Buffy out of Purgatory, with or without Cas' help, it all made sense. All his late night research was in hopes of finding a way to get her out. He worked tirelessly to find a way to save this girl. A feeling of guilt came over him. If he had been more persistent he could have found out about this sooner. He could have done more. He could have helped. Sam didn't know much about the Slayer, but he knew that it was because of her that Dean made it out of Purgatory. That was enough for him, and as far as he was concerned he owed Buffy a lifetime worth of debts, ones that he could never repay. It was because of her that he had his brother back, and Sam would be forever grateful to her for that.

There was one more sizeable hole in the big picture that was nagging at Sam. It was something much more personal, and it left Sam at a loss for an explanation. There had been something in Dean's eyes while he talked about Buffy that struck Sam. He hadn't seen that look since they walked away from Lisa and Ben at the hospital. A pain, or a longing maybe? Whatever it was, it was enough to cause his brother to shut down again. The drive away from Sunnydale had been in silence, and his brother hadn't said a word since stopping at the motel for the night. Dean looked as though he was mourning a loss, but a loss of what Sam couldn't quite figure out. There was more to this story, of that he was sure, but tonight was not the night to pry. It was obvious that Dean needed some time.

ӁӁӁ

_Buffy cut Spike off, her voice clear and firm, "I was happy."_

_Spike looked at her, a mix of confusion and sadness crossing his face. She continued, not looking at him once._

"_Wherever I was…I was happy. At peace. I knew that everyone I cared about was all right. I knew it. Time, didn't mean anything. Nothing had form, but I was still me, you know? And I was warm. And I was loved. And I was finished. Complete. I don't understand about theology or dimensions, or any of it, really - but I think I was in heaven," she swallowed hard, "and now I'm not. I was torn out of there. Pulled out…by my friends. Everything here is hard, and bright, and violent. Everything I feel, everything I touch…this is Hell. Just getting through the next moment, and the one after that ...knowing what I've lost…" _

_Spike had listened intently. Each admission hitting him like a slap. He didn't know of Willow's plan, but he felt partly responsible. Like he should have known. Like he should have done something. Knowing she was suffering was more than he could bear. _

_Buffy rose from her seated position and walked towards the edge of the shadow. Just before she crossed into the sun she paused. _

_Without looking back she stated, "They can never know. Never."_

_And with that she was gone, leaving Spike in a wake of despair and confusion._


	6. Love on the Telephone

Hello loves! I know it's been a two week break, sorry about that. Midterms are upon me, so school has been nuts. I hope this chapter somewhat makes up for it? Thank you for continuing to read and review, it means a ton to me!

I'm so glad you're enjoying the set up and the interactions! I spend a lot of time working on the dialogue and thoughts so that it feels like the actual characters. It's probably going to an equally long break for the next chapter, and I am sorry about that too. =( Huzzah university life...

Hope you guys enjoy the chapter!

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><p><strong>Chapter Five – Love On The Telephone<strong>

Buffy stared at the phone held in her hand as she had for the past twenty minutes. She had kept Dean Winchester's number safely tucked in her nightstand since the night he gave it to her, hidden deep within a long abandoned novel that she still swore she would finish one day. No matter how many times she had pulled the little slip of paper out, she had never gotten past this part. She had dialed the digits a countless number of times, always with the intent of finally placing the call, but chickened out every single time. The ridiculousness of the whole situation was not lost on Buffy. She didn't know why she felt like she should call this person, she didn't even know him. Not beyond his name and profession anyways. Why she thought this stranger would care about her problems was beyond her, and why he would care if she called or not was also beyond her.

At the same time, something was telling her that she should call him. There was a feeling stirring in her gut that was telling her that he wanted her to. That he would listen to her, and she wouldn't have to put on an act with him. This was someone who understood the world she lived in, and all the messed up shit that came with it. Spike had been there to listen sure, but it wasn't the same. She felt like no matter how much he tried, Spike would never understand what she was feeling. He would never be able to sympathize with the trials she was facing now. Buffy really didn't know what about this stranger made her think that he would, but she just had to trust her instincts. Even if they did tend to steer her wrong when it came to people of the male variety...

Just thinking about the mess she had come back to made her anxiety build up to the boiling point again. She was broke. Her basement was flooded. The roof needed new shingles. Her power was close to being shut off. In the first week home a demon had already broken into her house and tried to kill her. Giles was back, thank god, but he seemed to be keeping his distance, which gave her the sense that he wasn't planning on staying. That or he was unsure of her after she had come back from the dead. Even with that distance between them, whatever its cause, he never seemed to take his eyes off of her. It was as though he was afraid she would disappear if he blinked for too long.

This world was hard, and it served as a stark reminder of what she had lost. Heaven, or wherever she had been, had let her finally rest. She was happy and she was safe. There was nothing complicated about her life there. No battles or trials to face. She was complete. Here she didn't have any of those luxuries, and it seemed that everywhere she turned there was another fire to put out. Sometimes literally. To make it all seem worse, the only one that she had been able to talk to about this was Spike. She couldn't tell her friends, she knew it would break their hearts and that didn't make it any easier for her. Buffy was used to bearing burdens by herself, but this one seemed to be so much heavier than those in the past.

The thought of calling this Dean guy returned to her head. What harm could it do to call him, anyways? He did say to call, and he insisted that she should call whenever, and for any reason. Maybe just having the ability to talk to someone who didn't expect her to be strong all the time would help. She didn't have to bare her soul to him or anything, but it would be nice to talk to someone who didn't look at her like she may break at any second.

She finally let the call connect. Listening to the ringing of the phone quickened her heartbeat. In all the time she had spent trying to convince herself to allow the call to connect she hadn't figured out what she wanted to say. She couldn't exactly dive in with "so ya, I died half a year ago, and now life is really hard, and gee, I just want someone to talk to." Sure he knew that she had died, but she didn't need to harp on it, and no one liked a whiner. To be honest, she still wasn't even entirely sure why she was calling.

"Oh god, what am I doing," Buffy breathed.

The phone kept ringing, prolonging her suffering. Why couldn't he just answer, put her out of her misery? Or let the call drop so she could hang up knowing she had at least tried. She supposed she could just hang up herself, but that felt like a cop out. She finally made the move to call, she was committed now.

Suddenly a voice came through the phone.

"This is Dean's other, other cell so you must know what to do."

A combination of relief and disappointment flooded Buffy's mind. Apparently she had wanted to talk to Dean more than she had realized, but at the same time she had been spared what was sure to be a mortifying phone call.

"Uh, hey Dean. It's Buffy. The Slayer. From Sunnydale," Buffy rolled her eyes, hoping he wouldn't think she was a total spaz even though that's definitely what she sounded like. "You uh, said to call. Sorry I missed you. Hope everything's okay."

Buffy hung up, realizing that she didn't even say goodbye before hanging up. She didn't leave her number either, so she had to hope that her number wasn't a private one. Her message had been a total mess too. If that was how spastic her message sounded, she could only imagine what a whole conversation would have sounded like. Sometimes she really did wonder if her mouth was connected to her brain at all.

It had been a week since they had met, he probably didn't even remember who she was anyways. She wasn't anything special and guys that looked like that, that lived the hunter lifestyle, were bound to have a girl in each town. They would all be nameless and faceless once he left, of this she was sure. He'd probably never call her back. It was ridiculous to call him anyways. Or so she told herself.

ӁӁӁ

_Buffy stormed out of the poker room, staggering as she went. Her jacket was half hanging off of her arms, but she didn't care. She didn't know if she was madder at Spike or herself, but either way it was time to go._

_Spike was quick to follow, catching her on her shoulder causing her to spin around._

"_What's wrong, luv?"_

_Buffy had her jacket on one arm now, completely abandoning any hope for retrieving the second sleeve for the time being. She was in a hopeless mess, which wasn't anything new._

"_What's wrong?! You were gonna help me! You, you were gonna beat heads and, and, and fix my life! But you're completely lame! Tonight sucks!" Her jacket fell off completely now, hanging limply from her hand. "And, and look at me! Look at, look at stupid Buffy! Too dumb for college, and, and, and freak Buffy, too strong for construction work. And, and my job at the magic shop? I was bored to tears even before the hour that wouldn't end! And the only person I can even stand to be around is a-a neutered vampire who cheats at kitten poker."_

_She had finally managed to pull her jacket on and stood there with accusing eyes staring at Spike._

"_Oh, you saw the cheating, did you?"_

"_Also? I think you're drunk," her words slurring as she spoke._

_Buffy stomped out of the bar, hoping like hell she would manage to stay on her feet._

ӁӁӁ

Dean flopped back on the bed, arms splayed out above his head. They had been driving for nearly two days straight, and it was beyond nice to stop moving and be on a stationary surface for a while. His exhaustion was agonising, and his eyes felt like they had been splashed with acid they burned so badly. There wasn't any particular place they were trying to go, they just needed to put as much distance between that last case and them. The cops had started to take too much interest in the brothers, and they were not prepared to be under scrutiny. Sam had reminded him that they weren't sure if they were still on the 'most wanted' list, but finding out firsthand was not something that sounded terribly enjoyable to either of them. It was best to make themselves scarce, and that meant getting at least one state over, and fast. Of course that meant driving until they were practically asleep behind the wheel. Thank god they had found a motel when they did, even a dump like this one. Only hunters would find a dilapidated motel and be thankful.

He had heard his other, other cell phone ringing while driving. That cell had a completely different ringtone from any other cell the brothers ever had so that they would always know it was ringing. Normally he would drop everything to answer that call, knowing that it was Bobby or someone from the roadhouse, or even Dad. Dean knew it wasn't any of them, it couldn't be. Not anymore. As long as Sam was with him in the Impala, anyone else could wait.

"Aren't you gonna check the voicemail that was left?" Sam asked as came out of the washroom, towel drying his hair.

Dean shook his head, not bothering to sit up or even open his eyes. Being sunk into the mattress was far more important to him than dealing with any sort of conversation, at least for the time being. He was more than ready for a night of rest, or as close to a night of rest as a hunter got, anyways. His curiosity as to who had this number wasn't even piqued enough to warrant checking the phone. Whatever case was being called about could wait.

"Didn't you give that number to the Slayer? Buffy?"

Dean's eyes flew open. He had totally forgotten that was the number he had given her. How could he have forgotten that? Dean silently berated himself for being so stupid as he shot up from the bed and grabbing his jacket off of the floor. He fumbled with pockets until he managed to find and retrieve the cell phone. His fingers flew over the keys waiting to hear whatever message that was waiting for him.

"_Uh, hey Dean. It's Buffy. The Slayer. From Sunnydale. You uh, said to call. Sorry I missed you. Hope everything's okay."_

Fuck. He had missed her call! He had kept his phones nearly glued to his hand ever since they left Sunnydale, hoping to catch her phone call, a text message, even a voicemail. She finally calls, and not only did he miss the call, but he hadn't even planned on checking the voicemail. Hunters were trained to always answer their phones in case it was someone who needed their help, and he had fucked it up. What if she had been in trouble? Damnit.

"You gonna call her back? Or just stare at the phone?"

"Uh, I'm gonna go out. Get some air. Fuel up the Impala. Back in an hour or so," Dean slipped his jacket on and headed out of the room.

Both brothers knew he was going to make the phone call in private, Sam didn't need to call him out on it. Instead Sam sat down at his laptop and scrolled through news stories, looking for another case to pick up. Dean barely made it out of the room before placing the call.

The ringing seemed to go on forever, and Dean was starting to wonder if she was going to answer the phone at all. He leaned against the railing outside of the motel room door, listening carefully for any sign that she had picked up the call. Maybe it wasn't even her number, she could have borrowed someone else's phone. What if she had called needing help, and something had happened because he didn't answer his phone? All the panicked thoughts rolling through his head were overwhelming, and he found himself bouncing on his heels waiting for the tiresome ringing to stop.

Finally a voice picked up on the other end to put him out of his misery.

"Hello?"

Relief washed over him, and he found himself smiling at the sound of her voice.

"Hey Buffy. It's Dean. Sorry I missed your call, my brother and I have been driving all night."

"Oh, no worries. I'm actually more surprised that you called me back."

"Of course I did, why wouldn't I? So what's up?"

"Oh, I was just calling to…call I guess."

"You sure?"

The words _'look at stupid Buffy! Too dumb for college, and, and, and freak Buffy, too strong for construction work'_ replayed in her head. She already knew that her answer was going to be a lie. She had spent the day in a mess of a hangover because she had spent the night getting drunk with a vampire. Immediately after which she was so sick that she was pretty sure she turned right inside out, and that feeling had not yet gone away. That was not a story she was looking forward to sharing with anyone. It was mortifying that she could have acted so stupid, so reckless. This guy didn't want to hear her sob story anyways. Tears welled in her eyes, and she hoped that her voice would come out stronger than she felt right now.

"Yeah! Everything's great. Peachy with a side of keen."

_Peachy with a side of keen_. He had heard her say that before, when she was hiding her wound from him. She was lying to him now, too. He couldn't tell her how he knew that, but he didn't want her to feel like she needed to hide from him. She didn't know it, but they had been through a lot together. He wasn't going to let her pretend she was fine. Not with him. Not after everything.

"What's wrong?"

"I just said –"

"Ya, I heard what you said, but if I ain't buyin' it then you shouldn't be sellin' it."

Buffy sighed, "it's just been hard, readjusting to life here. Turns out that even while I was dead my life was able to fall to pieces." She laughed sarcastically as she finished her sentence.

He figured she meant more than what she was letting on, but he didn't want to pry too much. He knew that trust needed to be built. He just hated that it was the second time that he had to earn her trust.

Dean gave a knowing nod even though she couldn't see it, "I feel ya. You'll get it sorted out soon enough. In the meantime, is there anything I can do to help? I know I'm just a stinkin' hunter, but I do have some skills," Dean smirked as he spoke.

Buffy gave it some thought before answering, "know anything about re-shingling a roof?"

Dean laughed, "no, no I do not. Sorry."

"Damn. Saw that one coming though," she laughed back.

"If there's anything else though. Maybe some demons that need to be ganked?"

"Ganked?" She had never heard that term before.

"Ya know, killed. Slayed. How is the town anyways? Still throwing all kinda shit at ya?"

"It's been pretty quiet on that front, actually. Sort of. I don't know if that's good or not, but I'll take the breathing time."

"Sounds like you could use it," Dean said, a slight concern to his voice.

Buffy was ready to change the topic away from herself, "so what about you? How's things?"

"Doin' alright. Just wrapped up a case in Nevada."

"Ooh, what kinda case?" Her interest perked up. She felt much more comfortable discussing monsters and such than she did herself. She understood monster hunting a lot more than she understood life right now.

Dean thought over the case Sam and him and just wrapped up. It was a simple straight forward haunting, nothing too crazy. It did involve some good old fashioned breaking and entering, but that was nothing new. There was nothing remarkable about it, nothing noteworthy. He finally got the chance to discuss his cases with someone other than his brother, and it was one that wasn't really worth sharing. Typical.

"Nothing too exciting. Just a haunting. Didn't even have to burn any bones for this one," he said optimistically.

"What kinda lives do we live where an upside in our day is **not** having to burn bones" Buffy sighed whimsically.

She wasn't exactly sure what burning bones had to do with a haunting, but she wasn't about to admit that to a hunter. No matter what, she figured a day without burning bones was a good day. She imagined that the smell must be putrid, and she was sure she'd never get it out of her hair. A look of disgust crossed her face as she thought about the process of doing such a task. Yup, she was more than positive that was something she'd never do. There was always another way, and if the occasion ever came up, she would find that other way. Burning schools was one thing, but burning bones? Yuck.

"The same kinda life that makes a haunting case boring," Dean agreed on her sentiment.

"Seriously," Buffy gave a small laugh. "Anyways, why was the ghost stuck here?"

"Girl's boyfriend killed her. Buried her body in the backyard below where her kids swing set was set up."

"Sounds like a real great guy," Buffy scrunched her nose.

"Oh it gets better. He told the kid that his mom abandoned him, pretty much brainwashed the poor kid. He kept her locket, too. Some sort of a trophy or something. The locket and the kid were both enough to hold her here."

"Geez, I woulda stuck around too in that case. Did you get to help the kid?"

"Ya, we helped the cops prove that the boyfriend killed his mom. The kid was sent to live with his aunt, and the boyfriend is in jail. The mom finally crossed over, no bone burning required."

"Sounds like a happy ending. Makes it all worth it."

Dean grunted in agreement. He took a deep breath, "hey, I'm really glad you called."

Buffy smiled, "me too."

She found that she meant that statement more than she thought she would.

"Don't be a stranger, okay? You can call whenever. I promise I'll even answer next time."

"You shouldn't be a stranger either. Not like I have anything else to do with my time," Buffy gave a half-hearted laugh.

Dean chuckled, "sounds good. And Buffy?"

"Mhm?"

"You can call for any reason, I meant that. It doesn't have to be something supernatural related, okay? Whatever you need."

"Thanks, Dean. I'm gonna take you up on that."

"_Buffy?"_ Dean heard another girls voice come through the phone.

"Hey Dean, I gotta go. Sister's callin' for me."

"Okay. We'll talk soon."

"For sure, take care Dean. Happy hunting!"

She rolled her eyes. "_Happy hunting_?" How could she manage to embarrass herself this much even over the phone? Buffy was glad that he couldn't see her as she had now turned about five shades of red. She was such an immense dork.

Of course Dawn noticed her red face when she came out of her room. Naturally. Damnit.

Dean hung up the phone and remained leaned against the railing for a moment longer. His heart was racing and his knees were a little weaker than he would have liked to admit. She was just a voice on the phone and it was enough to knock him on his ass. That girl was something special, man, and he knew he was in trouble with her. That recently kick-started muscle in his heart ached knowing that she was so far away still. Despite how great it felt to talk to her, he couldn't help but feel a tinge of despair. This wasn't what he had thought would be their relationship now that they were both back home.

Dean took a deep breath before pulling himself off of the railing. He crossed back across the walkway and into the motel room to find Sam sitting by the window. The curtain was suspiciously swaying though there was no breeze in the room, and Dean could see Sam's chest rising and falling at an accelerated rate.

"Did you get a hold of her?"

"Don't be shitty. How much did you hear?"

Sam put on an innocent face, "I don't know what you mean, Dean."

"Yeah, right."

Sam's eyes glistened with mischief as he did his best to hold that innocent expression. Dean couldn't help but laugh at the situation they found themselves in. It was like high school all over again when Sam would listen in on phone calls that Dean took from the girls from school. It was typical younger brother behaviour, and it felt like one of the few typical things they'd ever had back then. Now, for a moment it felt like they were just normal brothers on a normal road trip. Just for a moment.

ӁӁӁ

Buffy couldn't figure it out, but every time she spoke with Dean on the phone she felt at ease. It wasn't weird or full of awkward silences, and she never felt like it was an inconvenience to him that she had called. It was as though they had been talking for years, and not just the couple of weeks that it really had been. When he first entered her backyard she never would have expected to be talking to him every couple of days. Hell, she never expected to hear from him again at all. Now here they were, talking on the phone most days, as if it had been something they had always done. There was a comfort when she talked to him, like wearing your old favorite sweater or sipping hot chocolate on a cold day. This comfort found was more than just because she could talk to him about the mess her life was in. It was more than just understanding what it was like to fight against the supernatural. It was more than just having someone new to talk to. It had something to do with him, even if she couldn't identify the exact reason why.

She felt the most at ease while she was talking with Dean, and it wasn't long before it became her favorite part of her day. Of course, that wasn't saying too much considering most of her days consisted of attempting home repairs, putting on a brave smile for her friends, and killing undead things. It was pretty easy to rank higher than her daily tasks, but even still, her phone calls would have won out against most anything else. She looked forward to their conversations, and couldn't wait until it was the next time they were able to talk. It was the only part of the day where she felt peaceful. Dean didn't judge her. He didn't treat her like she may break at any moment. She didn't have to pretend with him. It was the only part of her day where she didn't have to be 'on.' It was like she could be 'just Buffy,' not the Buffy the Slayer, or Buffy the big sister, or Buffy the leader. Just Buffy. It felt really good.

It was nice to have something that was all hers, too. Something she didn't have to share or explain to anyone else. It wasn't that she was hiding him from her friends, not exactly anyways. She just didn't want to have to give details about it all quite yet, especially when she wasn't even sure what those details really were. She knew what her friends would think, what they would say. They always meant the best, but they would be nothing but skeptical about Dean. They would think it was fishy how he showed up in her life, and with her track record she couldn't exactly blame them either. She just didn't want it ruined yet. She'd tell them one day, she knew she'd have to, but for now this was the one part of her life that was private. Everything else about a Slayer's life had to be an open book, mostly for safety reasons, but this was one thing that didn't have to be. This was something for Buffy Summers, just the girl. He was like her safe place to land, so to speak. Buffy hadn't even programed his number into her phone; it became a number that she had memorized. He was just for her.

There was something in Dean's voice that told her that he felt the similar about the conversations. There seemed to be some sort of comfort in these little phone calls for him, too. It didn't seem to matter if it was ten minutes or an hour, they both seemed to feel lighter afterwards. She got the sense that, other than his brother, Dean didn't really have anyone to talk to in his life. She wondered how long it had been since he had talked to someone other than Sam who understood this life, someone who knew what lurked in the shadows. How long had it been since someone took an interest in what he had to say? Had really listened to him? She got the sense that Dean tended to be a closed book. Maybe she was crazy, but Buffy felt like he looked forward to these phone calls just as much as she did.

There was never really a specific reason for the phone calls, and they didn't really seem to ever be planned, despite how much she looked forward to them. Buffy would find herself absent mindedly dialing his number when she was alone, after the house had fallen quiet. Sometimes a pang of loneliness would drive her to call, or killing some monster would make her think of him, but generally it had become just a force of habit in a way. Like her day wasn't quite complete until she had checked in with Dean. It was a natural part of the day, like patrolling or checking on Dawn. Except this wasn't a responsibility. It was a joy. Even when she didn't call him, he would call her. It seemed like neither of them wanted to miss a day.

No matter how comfortable Buffy felt talking with Dean, she would still have to keep him at an arms-length away, kinda like her friends in a way. He was someone that couldn't know the truth. Could never know that she had ended up in heaven, and not the hell that everyone seemed to think she had been trapped in. She could never let him know just how lost and broken she truly was. She wished she could let that wall down, and if it was going to be with anyone she'd rather it be Dean, but she couldn't let it. Her friends had worked so hard to do this for her that she could never hurt them by revealing the truth. The weight of the secret was a lot to take, but Buffy would do so. For them. They loved her, and they thought they were doing right by her. She could never tell them that they had ripped her out of heaven. That this world was the hell they thought they saved her from.

No one could ever know.

While Buffy felt a compulsion to call Dean without really knowing why she did, Dean felt very differently about the phone calls.

Dean spent each day counting down until he could call her again. Dean would call Buffy every day if he could, but he didn't want it to become suspicious. He didn't want the built memories to come crumbling down, and he was afraid that he would be the cause of that. So instead, Dean had to invent reasons to call her sometimes. He was so grateful that Buffy had taken to calling him sooner than he would call her. Every time her name showed up on his phone's screen his joy was overwhelming and he could feel his heart beating up into his throat. Buffy calling him every day was different than him calling her every day. He couldn't be blamed if the memories crumbled because she kept calling him. Or so he liked to tell himself, but even Dean knew that the logic on that one was pretty shaky.

It wasn't the same as talking to the Buffy he knew in Purgatory, and he honestly didn't know how to feel about it all. In Purgatory Buffy was closed off, cold. She was so worried about her self-preservation that she felt like she had to keep her distance. Even towards the end, when the protective walls had started to fall, he could still sense a distance. She had been so prepared to lose him that she didn't want to get too close. He had looked forward to those walls being gone when they got back to the world. Now, she was the Buffy that she was before Purgatory, the Buffy he had been wanting to meet. The only problem was, she didn't know who he was. All their history, all their memories, stories, everything that had built their relationship was gone. And only he knew that.

It may not be what Dean had hoped for, but he enjoyed every minute that they talked on the phone. Even if the relationship was not what he wanted, he would still cherish it. Dean wished that the memory of him still existed, but he could work with this new situation. He would simply have to build up that relationship again. In a world as twisted and dark as Purgatory he had been able to gain her trust, so he was sure that he could do it again. Maybe they didn't share those memories anymore, but that was all that had changed. They were still kindred spirits. They still had lived similar lives. They still understood each other better than anyone else ever could. Dean just had to rebuild what Cas had torn away when he erased Purgatory.

Dean wasn't going to waste this opportunity. How often did someone get a second chance to win someone over?


	7. Torn and Frayed

I know I said there would be a long wait, but I'm uploading this instead of studying. Hooray for hiding from responsibility! I have been so terribly stressed the last week and this kinda helped alleviate some of that, so hopefully you enjoy it as much as I did.

Thank you all for your kind words and reviews! It seriously makes every shitty day better to see that you are enjoying the story! I am so grateful to each and every one of you!

I hope I still have my regular followers for this, and I hope that the sporadic updates aren't too terribly frustrating. Thank you to those who have stuck with me! This time there definitely won't be another update until after I finish my midterms. See ya then loves!

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><p><strong>Chapter Six – Torn and Frayed<strong>

Buffy exhaled deeply as she walked through the cemetery, almost sure she would be able to see her breath. She pulled her sweater closer to her form as she felt the chill of the night caress her skin. It was cooler than she would have expected, and it was nothing more than a sign that summer was over and that fall had taken root. California was never what you could call "cold," but right now she would be hard pressed to call it "warm" either. Her patrol had been rather uneventful so far, as evidenced by her inner monologue about the weather, and she was bored. It had been about a week since Hallowe'en and the creatures seemed to still be keeping a low profile. She had been out each night for weeks before Hallowe'en, and for the week or so after, and hadn't seen more than one or two vampires the entire time. Part of her thought that maybe it was because they were hiding after those vampires came out on Hallowe'en, which was apparently a big no-no. Part of her hoped that it was because they knew she was home, but that was unlikely. It was more likely that there was some new player in town, or some different evil coming. That was the hellmouth for ya, never a dull moment.

Even still, Buffy would have thought something was ready to step up and tumble with her right now. Ever since she had been home she had found herself needing the fight. Needing the hunt. This was her solace. This was the only way she kept going. She had died to protect her sister, but it was still because of the Slayer life that she had died. It was the Slayer's life that had caused her to be brought back to life, because she was still needed here. Her friends still needed her. Now, after all the agony it had caused her over the years, after spending all her time wishing she wasn't a Slayer, it was her life as the Slayer that was keeping her grounded. When she was fighting, all those feelings of being lost, like she didn't belong here, all those feelings of being disconnected seemed to fall away. Everything fell away until all that was left was the job in front of her, the job she had been designed to do. Slaying made sense. She knew what was expected of her here, and she knew how to do this job. Buffy didn't have to doubt any part of this. It was kinda funny, this life was saving her after it had damned her. Who would have thought?

Her boredom started to sink in, and she found herself lazily meandering between the rows of tombstones. It was dangerous to let her guard down, that much she knew. No matter what, she would remain vigilant. She kept her eyes carefully scanning between the tombstones, looking for movement or for fresh soil. She kept her ears trained for any sound that might tip her off to some beastie that needed to be slayed. The only sound she ended up hearing was that of her cellphone's muffled ringing from her pocket.

She fumbled with the phone, trying to silence it to keep her location concealed from anything that may be lurking in the cemetery with her, even if the evidence was overwhelming that she was, in fact, alone. Her face broke out into a wide smile when she saw the number splashed across the screen.

"Dean! How are ya?" Buffy continued her saunter through the grounds.

"Hey Buffy. I'm uh, I'm alright, how 'bout you?"

"Good!"

Her answer had become as common as breathing for her by now. It didn't matter if it was true or if it was a cover for whatever was really going on in her head. All that mattered was that she delivered the line on time and in the right tone. That way no one would question it. No one would even pay attention to it. It had been like that since she came back, even with Dean. He may be the one person that didn't need to hear that everything was okay, but her answer happened without even thinking. Most days he had called her on it, to which she would give him the truth about what was going on. She would tell him about which bill she had received the last notice for, what note came home with Dawn from school that day, or whatever else was going wrong. Buffy held her breath, waiting for him to call 'bullshit,' but tonight something was different. He had remained quiet after she spoke. She thought about what Dean had said, about the tone in his voice as he had spoken.

She furrowed her brow, "what's up? You have 'something' voice. I'm sure if I could see you, you'd have 'something' face too."

Dean laughed wryly, "what does that mean?"

"You called for a reason Dean, and it's because something is buggin' you. I can hear the difference between a happy call and a distraction call."

Dean was stunned by what she had said. How was it that she could pick up on the difference in his voice? As far as she knew, they had only been talking for a couple of weeks, and she could already read him. He supposed he shouldn't have been that surprised, even in Purgatory Buffy had been able to pick apart anything he said, every nuance in his expressions. Dean figured it was a Slayer thing, but he wasn't sure. Maybe she simply understood him better than he had realized. Or maybe Cas hadn't completely erased the connection the two hunters had. Whatever the reason, she was completely right. As much as he loved calling her just to talk to her, to hear her voice, there was a reason he called this time. The comfort that he found in their phone calls was sorely needed right now.

"Sammy and I just wrapped up a case. It uh, hit me a little harder than I'd have liked," Dean spoke quietly, as though he didn't want anyone else to hear what he was saying. Like he didn't want anyone to hear his vulnerability.

"What happened?" Buffy knew that feeling all too well, and it was hard to let those cases go.

Dean took a deep breath. It was one thing admitting that there was something bothering him, it was another entirely to actually talk about it. Before, when they were in Purgatory, he wouldn't have hesitated in the least. The reminder that things were different now was constantly present in their phone calls. It was like a freshly opened wound that kept getting poked and prodded. Actually, he wasn't entirely sure which scenario felt worse.

The thought entered Dean's mind to shrug it off, tell Buffy not to worry about it. Tell her he would be fine. Tell her that just talking to her would improve the situation. It wasn't a complete lie; just hearing Buffy's voice had helped to put him at ease. Dean shot a glance back to the motel room that Sam and he and found for the night. The light had just turned off, meaning that Sammy was finally sinking into bed. It was a relief to know that his brother was at least trying to get some rest, and as much as Dean would like to be doing the same, he knew there was no chance for him.

Instead, Dean was seated inside the Impala, listening to the rain hit the windshield, on the phone with the only person other than Sam that Dean would ever want to talk to about this last case. The idea of changing the subject left his mind as quickly as it had entered. Simply hearing Buffy's voice had already done wonders, but he needed more than that if he hoped to get any sort of rest tonight.

"We caught a case in Wyoming. Bunch of high school girls had gone missing and parts of them were being found in the gutters throughout town," Dean started.

Buffy grimaced at the description, "sounds terrible. I hate cases where parts of people are found. It's never a good sign."

"Definitely not. Which is why we were on it as soon as we saw the case pop up. We spent a week trying to find whatever creature was using this town as it's hunting grounds. We went after leads for days trying to get ahead of it, spent hours in research mode trying to find anything that fit the MO," Dean explained. He paused before continuing, "There ended up being seventeen victims, nine of which happened while we were in town," Dean's voice trailed off as it cracked.

"Oh god, Dean. I'm so sorry."

Buffy knew how it felt to lose people. She knew what it was like to feel like the deaths should have been prevented. That she should have done more, been better, made it there faster. To know that she should have stopped it. She knew what it was like to wear the blame. Buffy had to live in a town where every single obituary with 'strange circumstances' was her fault in one way or another. She lived in a town where death piled up all around her, and she wasn't even sure she was making a difference. Buffy lived in a town of guilt.

When Dean had first told her that he took cases all across the country she had envied him. He never had to stay and deal with the aftermath. He didn't have to see the parents grieving, the friends weeping. He didn't have to see the fear and uncertainty on the faces of the townsfolk. He didn't see memorials being erected all over town, or empty caskets being buried when the remains had been unfound. He didn't have to pass the tombstone each night, read their names over and over again. Dean didn't know the victims personally. Each name Buffy read, she could put a face to. Mark from math class. Elaine from the bank. Oliver, the guy that bought her coffee on campus. Dean dealt with people that would be nameless and faceless long before he caught wind of another case. He didn't have to stay and put the victims down and then kill them a second time, when they rose from the grave. He didn't get reminded every single day of his failures.

Dean got to blow town, and not have to face the failed cases like she did. Now she realized how terrible her envy had been, how wrong she had been. Just because he didn't have to stay and see it, didn't mean it didn't mark him. Dean was just as devastated by the losses of life as she always was. Those names, those faces, they stayed in his mind haunting him, just like she had ghosts too. He got to carry those people with him just as much as she did. She could hear it in his voice now as he spoke, the weight of his words settled hard on her. If anyone could understand the pain he was feeling because of a case's casualties, it was her.

Dean was barely able to choke out the words, "it was human."

"What was?"

"The monster we were hunting. It was a human."

Buffy felt the weight of that statement practically knock the air out of her lungs. She had dealt with her fair share of cases where it ended up just being some horrible person that was behind the chaos. It was unbearable to see what some people did to each other. There was nothing he could do if the killer was human. Being a Slayer, being a hunter, it wasn't a license to kill. No matter how much the human was like a monster, Dean had to walk away. Walking away was so much harder than not being able to find the monster at all. She flashed back to high school, when the cheerleaders were being hunted and used to build the 'perfect girl' for some kid's dead brother. She flashed back to Marcie, tortured by the kids at school, taking her own revenge. She flashed back to all the pain and chaos the Mayor had caused. It was a lot to handle all at once. She found herself sitting down on the edge of a tombstone, suddenly needing a minute to rest.

"The sick son of a bitch was hunting girls because he couldn't get a date. Seventeen girls before we found him. And we couldn't even fucking touch him! Cops said the evidence wasn't solid enough. They let the bastard go," the pain and anger was clear in Dean's voice.

"Dean you did what you could. It's never easy, but it's just a part of this life that we had to accept."

That was nowhere near as comforting as she wanted it to be, but she had no idea what else to say. Sure, Buffy could assure him that it wasn't his fault, but he wouldn't hear her. She could tell him to stop beating himself up, but she knew that it wouldn't make a difference. What else could she say? Dean had never shown this type of emotion to her, and it caught her off guard. Buffy had no idea what to do. Her need to fix the problem was defeated by her loss of words.

"Ya well, this life really sucks," Dean growled.

"Sometimes it's all you have, though," her voice was small and delicate, the complete opposite of Dean's growl.

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing, just sometimes, as dark as it is, it can be light, too," she tried to shrug it off.

"Buffy? That's not some general statement. What's the matter?"

Trying to convince him that it was, indeed, just a general statement was an idea that crossed her mind. She could tell Dean that it was something Giles had taught her, or that it was some 'darkest before dawn' bullshit. With anyone else, Buffy probably would have gone that route, but with Dean it would never work. He would pick it apart immediately.

"Just uh, patrolling…slaying…It's the only thing that really makes sense," Buffy started swinging her feet as she spoke. "It's simple. Easy. Everything else is just so hard, and complicated. It's been harder since I came back because…" Buffy stopped herself before she said too much, knowing full well that she may have already crossed over that line.

"Because what? Talk to me here, Buff," Dean hoped that she felt comfortable enough to talk to him. They had been talking for only a few weeks now, but he could hear the agony in her voice. He wanted to do something to help. Anything. "I just showed a pretty raw side of me here, your turn."

He tried to joke a bit with it, mostly to try and hide his own embarrassment for how he had started to fall apart. After everything, Dean knew he could talk to Buffy about whatever was happening, but that was in Purgatory. That was when they had history. It was different now, and confiding in her didn't feel as easy as it used to. If he was being honest, he was mostly trying to hide his concern for her. Dean had been waiting for this moment. For his chance to hear her admit it; he had the chance to help.

"Please?" He pleaded.

While Dean waited to hear what she had to say, Buffy stopped to think about telling Dean the truth. The only one she had told the truth to so far was Spike. None of her friends could ever know what they had done; what they had cost her. Buffy had hoped that saying it out loud, even if it was to a set of dead ears, would give her some sort of peace. It hadn't. Buffy had had no intention of ever telling Dean the truth, she had already decided that her act would be kept up for him too. The problem with that was that she had learned soon, for whatever reason, she couldn't lie to Dean. He always seemed to know when she wasn't telling the truth, and he called her on it every single time. Buffy might have been annoyed if it wasn't kind of nice to have someone understand her, even when she was trying to hide. As much as she felt like keeping the truth to herself, Buffy was tired. She was tired of lying. She was tired of the fake smile. She was just so tired.

"Because I was in heaven," Buffy spat the words out quickly, like ripping off a band-aid. "I was in heaven, and now I'm not. I'm here. I'm here and I have to live every single day knowing what I had. What I lost."

The sound of pain in Buffy's voice shot straight through to Dean's heart. He knew from experience that returning from the dead was difficult. It was hard to readjust to the world after being six feet under, and a lot of emotions came with that. Dean remembered how disconnected he felt for the first year that he was back. How lost he felt. He never admitted it to Sam, but it took months before he had felt like he was truly back. He had felt like a ghost, wandering through the world, not really here but not really gone either. If anyone was going to understand the feelings that Buffy had been dealing with, it was Dean.

It wasn't just the feelings of being disconnected and being lost that she was dealing with, though. Buffy thought she had been ripped out of paradise. She had to deal with feeling like she had lost her chance at true happiness, and she had to turn her back on heaven. Coming back from Hell was a goddamn gift for Dean. He couldn't imagine trying to make his life work again if had come back to the darkness, if he had been removed from heaven. How could anyone live in this world, in the chaos and violence, after being at peace? It was astounding to Dean that she was coping as well as she was. That she had been able to keep up the act as long as she had.

Except she wasn't actually at peace. It was all fabricated. It was all lies built in her memory to block out the horrors that she had seen. It was to repair the damage that Purgatory had done. Cas had done this to her. Cas wanted the Slayer to have the afterlife she had deserved, not the one she got. He was unable to stop Buffy from being brought back, and he had been unable to save her from Purgatory; this was all he could do. Dean knew that Cas had meant well. He always meant well, but it was misguided once again. Buffy was suffering now, and it was because she thought she had been ripped out of heaven. The devastation that Dean felt when he heard Buffy's pain was nothing compared to the rage he had building in his gut towards Cas. How could he have done this to her? Didn't he know what it would do? How could he think that losing heaven was better than living through Purgatory? Buffy was strong, she was resilient. She could have coped with those cracks and breaks, couldn't she?

Dean cleared his throat, finding it suddenly dry. All the thoughts running through his head, and he couldn't verbalize even one of them. He had to select what he was going to say carefully, so he didn't interfere with the memories that had been built. The only thing worse than thinking you had been removed from heaven, was finding out that someone had made you feel that way. That someone you trusted had been helping to keep that a secret. If there was a time to undo Cas' work, now was not it. Right now, he needed to do anything but that.

"Heaven?" Dean croaked at last.

Buffy fought to breathe. Her hands had started to shake and her chest felt heavy. She still wasn't sure she wanted to tell Dean the truth, but it was too late now. Those words were out there and there was no taking them back. She was scared to keep talking, but she was even more afraid to stop now. It was finally going to be out in the open, and not just to dead ears. Someone would finally understand. She wouldn't be alone on her own personal battlefield anymore. With her eyes squeezed tightly shut, Buffy gained control of her breathing and slowed the shaking of her body.

Her voice came out small again, "yeah. I made it to heaven, or at least I think I did. Wherever I was it was safe and warm. It was good and calm. It was everything I could have ever hoped for. I was done finally, and that was my reward…but now I'm here."

"God, Buffy…" Dean struggled to find any words he could string together right now.

"I wish I could be grateful for being back, but it's just too hard. Knowing that it was my friends that did this, who ripped me out…"

"They couldn't have known," Dean rolled his eyes, frustrated that that was the best he could come up with.

Buffy's lip quivered, "I know. They thought they were saving me, and I keep telling myself that. I could never resent them, but it doesn't make it any easier."

All Dean wanted to do was yell and scream that they had saved her. That they had pulled her back from the only place that rivaled Hell in the torture it bestowed on people. Dean had been to both Hell and Purgatory, and he honestly couldn't decide which fate had been worse. Her friends deserved to be awarded for saving Buffy; they were bloody saints. As far as Dean was concerned, each and every one of them deserved a place in heaven. Even the witch.

"I can't imagine what you're going through."

"No one can. I wish I could put it into words, but I don't know how," her voice started to tremble as she spoke, "honestly I feel like I'm dying all over again. Every moment. Every day. I feel like I'm dead inside."

Dean could feel his heart cracking with every word that Buffy spoke. He would have never imagined how much she was suffering because of what she thought she lost. He had never completely agreed with Cas; decision, but he had never realized just what had been done. Dean was now regretting not doing more to convince Cas otherwise. No matter how terrible Purgatory had been, could it be worse than what she was feeling now? Could the horrors of that place be worse than feeling like you were still dead?

"I feel like I'm hardly here, Dean," she was sobbing freely now, "like a part of me is missing. Like I left something behind when I... when I came back."

Dean took notice of what she had said. Like something was missing. He knew there was something missing, there was actually a lot missing. There were memories and experiences that no longer existed for her. There were gaps and black spots in her mind. He wanted to hope that maybe he was that something left behind, but that was a pretty big assumption. God, he just wanted to tell her that she was right. Dean wasn't sure it would offer any sort of comfort, but maybe knowing that she wasn't crazy would be able to help her.

"I may not know what it's like completely, but I do know what it's like to come back from an afterlife."

"What?" the small voice sniffled through the other end of the phone.

Dean took a deep breath, "I took a trip to Hell a few years back. I had to claw my way through my grave too. It's not the same, I know that but-"

"You were in Hell?" Buffy asked, her voice straining again. "How is that…you couldn't have deserved that…"

"I was. I made a deal with a demon to save my brother."

"A deal?"

Dean nodded, "my soul for his life. I'd do it again if Sam needs me to."

A panic swept through her system and she felt like a set of claws had dug into her heart. The tombstone on which she sat no longer offered the support she needed, and so she sunk down to the ground, barely able to keep herself from collapsing.

Buffy's voice was shrill, "no! You can't go. Don't you say that!"

"Hey, hey, I'm not going anywhere. It's okay." he soothed.

Buffy let out a breath. She hadn't expected that amount of panic, and she felt almost silly expressing it, but she couldn't have helped herself. Talking to Dean was the only part of her day where she felt even remotely alive. He was her only relief, and she couldn't imagine her life without him right now. She couldn't say it was exactly healthy, only being able to confide in someone who was just a voice on the phone, but she figured it was better than finding release in the bottom of a flask. More than she could understand, more than she could express, Buffy needed him.

"What was it like, where you were?" Dean asked, trying to get on a calmer topic.

Buffy paused a moment before answering, "it was better than anything I could have ever hoped for. There was no fear, no pain. It was quiet and comfortable. I didn't have to worry about anything. I didn't have to fight. I could be just me. I don't remember everything, but I think that my Mom was there. I knew everyone I loved was safe and taken care of. It was the relief that we all wish for at the end of this messed up life..." Buffy's voice trailed off. She stumbled over her words as she started to speak again, "what... what was Hell like?"

Dean didn't know how to answer that. He didn't want to answer that.

"Worse," was all he could muster.

"Oh..."

"It was dark, and violent. It was chains and torture, not the fire and brimstone you hear about. It was lonely and brutal, and every day I wished for a death that would never come," Dean choked on his words as he spoke. "When I came back I was more than relieved to be free of that place, to have been saved."

They had both died. It took Buffy a second to wrap her head around this new information. The thought of Dean being dead was somehow unsettling to her, like it just didn't quite make sense. A Slayer coming back to life was farfetched enough as it was, but a human? Hunter or not, Dean was still human. Still, it was comforting to know that someone else had made that journey back from the dead. Her gut instinct had been right about him; he did understand and he did care.

Dean continued, "Look, I don't know what it's like to be pulled from somewhere good, but I do know that feeling you're talking about."

The whole time Dean had spoken Buffy had kept quiet. It was hard to envision the world that Dean described, and it made her feel guilty for complaining about the cards she had been dealt. She at least went somewhere good and safe. She hadn't seen the horrors that Dean had, that her friends thought she had. Then again, it sounded a lot like what she felt like she was living in now.

"Which?"

"Like a part of you was left behind. I felt like a part of my soul have been ripped out and it was lying on the killing room floor down there. I felt – "

"Fractured?" She interjected.

"Mhm. Kinda like I was split into pieces, and not all of them had made it back."

"Like you were you, but not the you that you were before?" Buffy reasoned in her own 'Buffy-speak.'

"Yeah, somethin' like that," he smirked.

These were the things he never told Sam. He had never told Cas either, but he had his suspicions that Cas knew the mess he had been in. If Dean had had it his way, he would have never told anyone about that part. Things were different now, though. Now he hoped that it would do some good for her to know that someone got it. Not just someone, but he did. He understood her right now. He could be there for her.

"And about not really being here," he continued. "For a long time I felt like a ghost here. It was hard to connect to this world; to find a way to live here again. It's like being a foreigner in your own world."

"In your own skin…"

Buffy was doing everything she could to keep herself together right now. She couldn't have imagined how good it would feel to hear that someone could understand what she was going through right now. That someone else had been where she was. Dean had made it through the same misery she now found herself in. It felt like there may finally be a light at the end of the tunnel, and not just another train.

"There's just so much to sort through in your own head," Dean continued.

"Trying to figure out what's real. What isn't. Memory flashes from when you were…dead."

"It was excruciating, ya know, to know what I had gone through in hell. I had wished I couldn't feel a damn thing," Dean admitted. That he had said before, but it was just as hard to say this time as it had been when he told Sam.

"Honestly, all I want is to be able to feel. I just want to feel alive. Or even just like me again."

Dean fought to find something to say, some words to offer her. There was nothing he could do to make this any better right now, and it was killing him. His whole life, Dean had been the one to fix things; that was what he did. Now when it really mattered, he was useless. The worst part was knowing that he was keeping something from her. Dean didn't know if her knowing the truth would help at all, but that didn't stop him from feeling like he should be at least trying it. He did take solace in the fact that he seemed to be helping, even a little bit. Beyond showing her that he understood, he was building that trust again, just like he had in Purgatory. Their similar circumstances had brought them together in that world, and now they were doing the same thing. Dean would have preferred it be some other sort of circumstance, like both wanting a dog as a child or loving the same song, but he'd take this over nothing any day.

Dean swallowed hard before speaking, "I wish there was something I could do Buff. Something I could say to make any of this better."

"It's okay. There's not a lot you can say. I'll be okay."

"Yeah?" Dean asked, skeptically.

Buffy shrugged, "I'll have to be, won't I? There's no other option." Buffy sighed, "Slayers don't have options."

Dean silently vowed to find a way to fix this. In a situation as hopeless as Purgatory, she had been able to help him. She saved him. He never would have made it out of there without her. Dean wasn't ready to admit this to himself, let alone anyone else, but deep down he knew that he would have given up without her. Purgatory would have been enough to break him, to break his spirit. After that happened, he knew that he wouldn't have survived much longer. That little blonde had been his fucking saviour. She was his guiding light, and if he didn't know better he may have thought that God himself had placed her in his path. God is a douchebag though, so he knew that wasn't the case. Dean didn't know who or what he had to thank for finding Buffy, but he would thank this unknown force every damn day of whatever remained of his life.

Now it was his turn to make a difference in a seemingly hopeless situation. No matter what, there had to be a way to make this better. He didn't care what it would take, he couldn't let her go on like this. She deserved so much more than this misery. She deserved to be happy and to feel whole. She deserved the heaven that she was made to think she had found. He couldn't undo the pain and heartbreak that she had dealt with so far, but he would do everything he could to have that despair stop here. Dean refused to believe that was all he could do, but it was at least a start. He was going to make her future better. Brighter.


	8. Hole In My Soul

Hey all! Once again I am running away from responsibility, because who needs to study for midterms...=D Before we dive into the chapter, I just had a few things to say first.

1. This is the first chapter that really happens around the same time that Spike and Buffy started their...thing. You'll notice that I don't mention any romance at all between them, but I also don't make it obvious they haven't. Instead of sleeping with him, Buffy mentions that she's been drinking with Spike a lot. Really, it's up to you, the reader, if they're hooking up or not. It makes no real difference to the plot. Personally I feel as though they are not sleeping together, mostly because Dean is helping her to cope and feel human in the same way that Spike was doing. I am a die-hard Spuffy fan, but for this story I feel like it makes sense to leave that out. Again, up to you though!

2. Your reviews have not gone unnoticed. I really wish there was a way to reply to reviews other than PMing people. Sigh. I appreciate all the love I've gotten from you guys, and it's the motivation to get these chapters done even when I'm knee-deep in textbooks.

Backgammon - I feel ya! Having Dean all demony has been really cool, but a stark contrast to the character that I'm writing! HE CALLED THE IMPALA JUST A CAR AND I NEARLY DIED. At least things are getting back to normal now!

HolyCowsAndFlyingPigs - Great username, by the way. Really aces aha. I'm glad the slower pace is working for people! I was nervous that people would feel like it was too drawn out, but I really did want to make it feel more realistic. Especially since Buffy has learned more than once to take her time with diving in with boys and such. Don't worry, there's some ass-kicking coming, and once this installment is done, the third part is ALL ass-kicking and romance =D I promise. Awe thank you my dear! I guess the more you love a character the more you drag 'em through the mud, eh? Like these shows need more drama...but I thought it was a fun twist. Thank you so much for your words! It means literally the world to me!

Jada - Awe I'm so glad you're enjoying it! There are plans for her memories, and I think you'll all like what I'm doing with it. Buffy was in Purgatory much longer than Dean, but time passed differently there for sure. I kinda figured that it made sense to be similar to Hell in a way. Buffy would have been there about 5 months (if you take Spike's word on her being gone for 147 days), so I figured that translated into a whole shit ton of years, haha. Dean was there for only two months or so, so he was there less than half the time Buffy was. He mentions the "lifetime" because it was quite a long time, but also because it felt like so much longer thanks to the exhaustion and the constant battles. That was kinda my thing. I didn't comment too much because I didn't want to lock myself into a timeline too soon, and I wanted to give you guys the ability to decide for yourselves a bit =)

Alright, with all that out of the way, on to the chapter!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Seven – Hole In My Soul<strong>

"Wait, wait. Say that again?" Dean was laughing wholeheartedly.

Buffy was choking back tears as she laughed, "oh you heard me. An-and Xander! God, he almost had to become his Queen!"

Another fit of laughter struck the two of them. The image of Buffy doing show tunes was already too much, but picturing that shaggy haired boy becoming a Queen? That took the image far into the realm of ridiculous. Buffy, who had lived through it, knew that it wasn't quite as light and fun as she had made it sound, but laughing was the only way she could cope with the whole ordeal right now. If he had picked up on her using laughter as a cover, he didn't let on at all. Which suited her just fine. There had been enough doom and gloom lately, and she figured that a little laughter would be a nice change of pace.

Dean had been worried that their last phone call had left Buffy in a darker place than she had already been. A lot had been said on both sides. They had both revealed a lot about where they were coming from, and he wasn't entirely sure that he had helped in any way. With everything that had been let out into the open, Dean had felt better than he had in a long time. Buffy, on the other hand, was hard to read. It was a real concern that admitting to him that she had been ripped out of heaven would have pulled her further into the darkness. Instead of giving her some sort of relief it could have made it all the more real for her. The laughter he was hearing from her now was nothing but relief. She wasn't 'all better' like she wanted to pretend, that Dean knew, but she wasn't wearing her secret like armour anymore. At least not with him.

He never thought he'd be happy that a demon blew through a town, but if a few songs and dance were enough to lessen her burden, then so be it. That being said, Dean would definitely prefer never coming in contact with a demon of that nature. The thought was shudder inducing. If there was anything that Dean didn't do it was dance. Or sing show tunes, and it didn't seem like Sunnydale had been belting out any Zeppelin or Blue Oyster Cult. The last thing that Dean wanted to see, and maybe this was higher on the list than his own singing and dancing, was his lumberjack brother dancing around him. Yeah, he could go his whole life without seeing that and not feel like he was missing out on anything. Plus Dean was sure that this demon wasn't as benign as it was sounding at this point; something was definitely up.

"Okay. I'm a little lost here, so let's see if I got this right. A demon came through town, summoned by some necklace or something, and made everyone sing and dance whatever it was they were thinking? Like a truth serum in musical form?"

"Yup, that's what happened. A few dance routines, songs about mustard and secrets," Buffy replied.

"And that's it? It just wanted to see your town singin' and dancin'? No ulterior motives?" Dean pressed.

"Well, it started out kinda fun. I mean, Giles and Will were both worried at the first glimpse of it all, but it all seemed pretty harmless. Soon there were people dying of what seemed like spontaneous combustion. That was kinda a downer."

"Aaaand the few ruin it for the many. Isn't that always the way?" Dean joked. "How'd that happen?"

Bingo. There it was. All his years in the hunting business had taught Dean well enough by now that demon's didn't do harmless. They didn't know how. Burning people to death after pulling the truth out of them? Pretty shitty, even for a demon.

"Well, it'd get a little intense. The dancing would take over and next thing you know, they couldn't stop, even once the smoke started to rise. Fire would consume them."

"_There was no pain. No fear, no doubt, till they pulled me out of Heaven. So that's my refrain, I live in Hell 'cause I've been expelled from Heaven. I think I was in Heaven. So give me something to sing about. Please give me something..."_

Her confession had been playing in her head like a broken record ever since it happened. She never wanted to hurt her friends, they had only ever wanted what was best for her. Except that they did what was best for them, not necessarily for her. Buffy knew her friends thought they were saving her, but that was a cold comfort when she thought back to all that she had lost. Telling her friends had never been part of her plan, but that demon had found that secret and ripped it right out of her. It took pleasure in the pain it caused her friends, that it caused her, and then it almost killed her. She could still remember how hot her feet had become; how close she had come to burning.

"So what'd you sing, Buffy?" Dean's voice came out smooth, almost in a flirty tone. "Did the demon help you reveal your love for me?" Buffy could practically hear the wink in his voice.

"Oh ya know, about theories and saving Dawn."

"Not me then?" Dean said in mock sadness.

"Sorry Dean, I guess it was more focused on drawing attention to misery than tainting joy," Buffy shrugged.

"Well I guess that's okay then," Dean smirked.

He wasn't sure, but it sure sounded like Buffy just told him that he was the good in her life. Or at least one part of it. Dean would take that as a check in the "win" column any day. He was part of what made her happy, and right now that's all he wanted.

Buffy's voice pierced through his thoughts, coming out smaller than it had before, "it knew about heaven."

Dean's eyes went wide immediately, her words wiping away any of the residual warm feelings he'd had. A quick panic washed over him as he thought about what she had said. Buffy had said that the demon focused on misery, and what could have been more miserable than finding out you had never made it to heaven? That you had spent what felt like a lifetime fighting for your life in Purgatory? That someone you had come to trust was part of the charade that made you believe you had been torn out of heaven? Did this demon see all of this? Were the lies broken down now? Did she know he lied?

He swallowed hard before speaking, trying to wet his dry throat, "knew about it?"

"Or at least that I was lying about it, about being there. Now my friends know too. It made me admit that I was in heaven."

Despite the remorse that lingered behind her words, Dean felt a great relief as she explained. He was surprised at how much relief he felt when she said what her secret had actually been. For someone who had been so against what Cas had chosen to do, Dean was not prepared to allow those fabricated memories to be cracked. Not by some demon, and not if it could cause her more pain.

"So you're friends know the truth then? At least you don't have to lie anymore," Dean suggested.

"You should have seen their faces, Dean. Willow was destroyed. I never wanted them to hurt like that," Buffy winced at the thought of the devastation that had crossed Willow's face, all of her friend's faces.

Dean's relief shifted to a dull ache. Cas had done this to her. It was the only thought he could focus on because it was the only part that he could do anything about. Not only had Cas caused a lot of Buffy's suffering, but now her friends were affected by what Cas had done. Her friends had saved her when no one else could, and now they were left feeling like they had fucked up. It probably broke their hearts to feel like they had ruined paradise for Buffy. They deserved to know that they had truly rescued her. They deserved to know the good they did, and Buffy should know what they had actually done. She should know that they really did save her from a fate worse than death.

ӁӁӁ

"You called me, Dean?" Cas asked, standing mere feet away from Dean.

"Ya I called you! I've been calling you for a week now," Dean tried, and failed, to keep his voice calm.

"I am sorry. I have been busy, there has been much to do. What is it that you need?"

"You need to fix this," Dean's voice shook with anger.

"I do not know what you refer to. Fix what?" Cas inquired, genuinely confused as to what he was doing here.

"Buffy! Those memories you gave her have done her no favours. She's cracking, man," Dean didn't know if he wanted to plead or to demand Cas to do something. "You're punishing her friends, too. They don't deserve that. They deserve the truth, and you know it."

"Do you think her remembering the horrible things she lived through would be any better? To know that after all the good she did in the world, she had been denied sanctuary?"

Dean had thought about that ever since he had heard Buffy say out loud that she had been in heaven. What pain was worse? Being ripped from heaven, or knowing that you had never made it there at all? There was no easy answer; each side had merit. It was thoughts like those that had disturbed his sleep almost as much as Buffy's laugh had done before. In all those nights he had come to one conclusion.

"It's not our choice to make, Cas. You didn't just mess with her mind, but her life, man."

Cas looked as though he was considering what Dean had said, "that may be true, but I didn't exactly have time to ask her opinion on the matter. Her transport was much quicker than I had anticipated, and I had to act before she returned to her physical body. I did the best I could. I could see what she had lived through in Purgatory, and was it not you who said that she deserved better than that?"

Dean opened his mouth to say something, but was quickly cut off by Cas continuing to speak.

"She was there for a lot longer than you, and she was alone, Dean. You have no idea what she faced, you were only present for a fraction of her time there. The damage done by Purgatory was unimaginable. She would not have resembled the Buffy that had existed before if I had left those memories intact. Those fabricated memories are holding her together. It is all that is holding her together."

Dean's anger was no longer driving his motivation, and he found himself quieted down now. He took a deep breath, "was it that bad?"

"Being alone nearly broke her, Dean. The battles she faced, the horrors she witnessed, it was all too much. She may be in pain now, but it is substantially better than what she would be dealing with otherwise. I am sorry, but this is the best I could do for her. I will not lower those walls," Cas narrowed his eyes as he spoke.

Cas had hoped that that would be the end of the disagreement, but there was still a fire behind Dean's eyes that he had yet to ebb. Though his argument had fallen silent, that fire showed no sign of diminishing and Cas knew the determination that was sure to be born from that. Cas sighed before he reached his hand out towards Dean. As Cas' finger set on his forehead, a sharp pain shot through Dean's skull. Suddenly images started to flash through his mind, first coming in scattered but then a coherent picture began to form.

_A blonde surrounded by darkness. Buffy. Her arm was hanging limply to her side. She crashed through the twisted forest, darting between trees, nothing but a flash of blonde hair to betray her location. She was checking back over her shoulder as she ran, and there was a fear on her face that Dean had never seen before. A small brunette followed her, sauntering behind her with a playful grin on her face. Eve. As fast as Buffy could run, Eve was faster. She was practically floating through the woods now, closing in on Buffy without losing her breath. Suddenly Buffy was lifted from the ground, high above all the trees, where Eve unceremoniously dropped her straight down to the ground. The blonde hit the Earth with a fierce force, and did not move again._

_A flash._

_Night time had fallen, and Buffy was cowered in a corner of a cave with a small fire burning. Her knees were hugged up to her chest and there were lines through the grime on her cheeks; evidence that she had been crying. Every so often her head would start to slip downwards towards her knees, but she would realize that she was falling asleep and snap her head back up. Her eyes would grow wide and dart around to survey the scene around her. This Buffy did not resemble the woman he had fought with. She was small and frail. Her exhaustion was worn on her face as clearly as her fear. She continued to fight sleep until something broke through the cave's small opening. A large dark mass rushed at her, catching her off guard. Her scream was enough to break glass as everything went dark._

_A flash._

_Buffy was standing against a tree, her chest heaving as she struggled to catch her breath. She was doing her best to remain still. A shadow lurched past her and Buffy stifled any sound that had wanted to escape her lips. The shadow passed by again and seemed to stalk off in a different direction. Her shoulders slumped in relief as she slid down the tree gingerly to a seated position in the soil. Dean's vision followed her gaze down to her knee, where he could see the bone protruding through her flesh. She winced as she removed a thorn from the gaping wound and tossed it aside. Her head leaned back against the tree as she fought against the sobs that threatened to break to the surface. From behind the tree a claw shoved through the trunk, piercing through the blonde's stomach. A scream roared past her lips._

_A flash._

_It was dark. Still. A wave of flames splashed out from the center of the darkness in tendrils lighting numerous torches that lined the stone walls. Eve stood in the middle, looking intently across the space from her. Buffy was there, her hands chained to the cave's wall. She rattled her chains as she pulled on them, desperately trying to break free. With a flick of her hand, Eve halted Buffy's movements and pulled her gaze back to the brunette. With another flick of her hand Eve clawed at Buffy's flesh, ripping a few ribs free from their sockets. Buffy screamed in agony, sinking deeper into the chains. Dean could see the deep and bloody gashes in her wrists where the shackles had dug in. She had been here a long time. Eve cackled as blood erupted through Buffy's lips. The brunette's hand tightened again, doing unseen damage to the blonde as she cried out in pain. _

_A flash._

"What the hell was that!?" Dean gasped, coming back to the present time and struggled to stay on his feet.

Cas looked at him somberly, "a look at what your Slayer faced once you were no longer in Purgatory."

"Oh god…Cas…Eve…" Dean's words were failing him.

"Hunted her relentlessly. That is, until the witch pulled her out. This was only a glimpse of what she went through. There were a countless number of memories similar to these. Now do you understand my choice?"

Dean stayed silent. A million thoughts running through his head. He couldn't imagine what other horrors Buffy had seen. How much torture she had withstood. Dean knew what Hell was like, and he had felt firsthand the anger that Eve had harboured. He understand now just how bad Purgatory had been for the blonde Slayer. No matter how torn Buffy had been since she returned home, it was better than the alternative. He saw that now. She was strong, resourceful, a survivor, but no one could cope with what that world had done to her. Cas was right to step in, but that didn't help Buffy now. It certainly didn't help to quiet his own uncertainty or remorse.

"There's gotta be something we can do to help her. Please," Dean implored.

"I have done all I can. This is what is best."

"Can't you return the memories from before…"

"I will not alter a thing!" Cas bellowed before he disappeared from sight.

"Damnit!" Dean slammed his hands down on the trunk of his car.

"Maybe he's right, Dean," Sam came around the corner of the Impala.

Dean was startled by the sudden voice that pierced the silence and darkness around him. He had thought he'd been alone with Cas, and he had no idea how long Sam had been standing there.

"How much of that did you hear," Dean practically growled, avoiding eye contact.

"Enough," Sam searched his brother's face for any hint that he should abandon his current course of conversation. "I think he's right."

Dean's gaze flew to meet his brothers, "what!?"

"I don't know what happened in Purgatory. Not with you and not with her, but I know what it's done to you. You've been a mess since you got back, as much as you try to ignore it." Sam shrugged his shoulders, "if she can live without whatever nightmares you've been stuck with, it's probably for the best." Sam paused before he continued, "I'd do the same for you, if I could."

ӁӁӁ

'_Goodbye to everything that I knew.  
>You were the one I loved,<br>The one thing that I tried to hold on to.  
>And it hurts to want<br>Everything and nothing at the same time.  
>I want what's yours and I,<br>Want what's mine...  
>I want you,<br>But I'm not giving in this time...'_

ӁӁӁ

"C'mon, c'mon, pick up," Dean anxiously pleaded with the ringing phone.

It had been well over a week since he had heard from Buffy last. She hadn't called him, and she hadn't picked up when he called her. Every time Dean could see Buffy at the mercy of Eve he had dialed his phone, as if hearing her voice would be enough to make him believe that those horrors were far behind her. It was as though he hoped talking to her would be enough to rid him of his guilt. It wasn't. It didn't matter though, she hadn't answered her phone yet, which made it even harder. When she didn't answer he started calling every chance he got. Normally his calls would be made only when Sam wasn't paying attention, but it got to the point that he didn't care if Sam was watching.

To begin with he had been repeatedly greeted by a very nice, albeit very annoying female voice letting him know that "the customer you are calling is currently unavailable at this time." He would patiently wait for the beep, leave a hopeful message for her, and hang up until the next time. Then each time he'd called since, that same overly cheery voice would tell him that "the mailbox you have reached is full." Dean's heart sank every single time. He hoped that she was just busy, that life was hectic for her right now. It was the only good explanation that he could think of. The other possibility was that something had happened. The idea that she could be…no, it was too much. She had to answer her phone.

"The mailbox you have reach is full. Goodbye."

"Damnit!" Dean threw his phone down on the seat next to him, startling Sam awake.

"What's happening!?" Sam looked around frantically.

"Nothing. Go back to sleep," Dean's tone of voice was flat, but there was a frustration lurking below it that Sam could hear.

"Still not answering?"

The growl that Dean replied with was enough to give Sam his answer. He had been watching his brother dial his phone several times a day for well over a week, but never being on the phone long. The first few days he left a message, each message becoming more frantic than the last. Now it was just a hang up, which told Sam that the voicemail was now full. That was never a good sign.

"I'm sure she's fine, Dean."

Silence rang back as Sam's answer.

"You wanna switch for a bit? You look like you could use some sleep," Sam offered.

Silence rang back again.

"Okay, well I'm just gonna go back to sleep then..."

Dean huffed back at him, which was more of answer than he had gotten since they had left Muncie, and substantially more since he had noticed that Dean had been reaching the voicemail every phone call he made. Giving up, Sam slumped back against the window. There was no sense in trying to talk to Dean when he was like this, and he may as well get some sleep before they reached the next hunt town. Sam had just started to doze back off when the phone started vibrating against the seat. He went to hand it to Dean, but Dean was fast to scoop the phone up.

"Buffy!?" Dean's voice was full of worry.

"Yeah, it's me," Buffy sounded distant and apologetic.

Dean let out a breath that he hadn't realized he had been holding since he picked up the phone. A voice meant she was alive. He didn't know anything more about it all, but she was alive. Right now that was all that mattered. Anything else they could deal with.

"Is everything okay? Are you okay?"

"Everything is fine. I'm fine. I am so sorry I haven't called you back. Things have been…ya know, chaotic doesn't seem to cover it."

Dean didn't even need to hear the strain her voice to know that there was something more to this story. She was struggling to hold it together right now, but she was quickly losing that battle. Dean could hear the hitch in her voice and he was already pulling over long before the word 'chaotic' came out of her mouth. Dean slid out of the car and took a few paces away from it, leaving Sam on his own.

"What's going on, Buffy?"

Buffy didn't even know where to begin. The "funny" amnesia? Giles leaving? Tara leaving? Willow turning Amy back from a rat? Willow getting out of control? Willow nearly killing Dawn? Nearly losing Dawn to social services? Turning invisible? The nerd herd? The bender she had been on with Spike the last few nights? So much had happened since their last phone call. When she thought back over the events that had happened it made her head spin.

No wonder it had been so long since she had picked up the phone. Everything would have been so much easier if she'd had Dean to talk to, but there just wasn't time for it. _Part of being the slayer is never getting time for yourself_, she thought bitterly. She had only been visible again for a few hours now. Dawn was still in a sling and pissed at her. Willow was still in withdrawal. Her head still ached from the last flask that she and Spike had finished. It was just too much.

"Buff?"

She shook out of her thoughts, "Sorry. Uh. I don't even know where to begin…"

"That bad?"

Buffy sighed, "well, I guess social services have caught wind that I'm totally screwing up as 'mom of the house.' Doesn't help that when they came to do a follow-up on the house Dawn was still in her sling."

Dean straightened his posture immediately, "what happened? Is Dawn okay?"

"Yeah, she's good. A fractured arm, nothing serious," Buffy figured a little lie was better than a total lie.

Dean sighed with relief, "you're the best thing for Dawn. Social services will see that. Don't worry too much, okay?"

"Really trying. Really failing. Kinda in this alone right now, and it's pretty overwhelming."

"Alone? What about your friends? Uh, Xander, Willow, Giles, uh…Tara?" Dean paused before bitterly adding, "Spike?"

"Well, Xander is still buried in wedding world. Giles left, again. So did Tara. Spike is…well Spike. His version of help is a flask and poker." Buffy was starting to feel overwhelmed again, and even the thought of that flask made her head throb. "There's been a lot of turmoil lately."

Dean refused to admit that Spike's version of help was incredibly similar to his own. There was no way he had anything in common with a bloodsucker. Not even the look in the vamp's eyes when he mentioned Buffy. No way.

"Sounds like. Okay. What about Willow? The way you've talked about her I figured she'd be all over this Dawn situation," Dean continued to kick at the dirt at his feet, keeping his eyes on the Impala as he spoke.

"Willow?" _Oh god this was a mess, _she thought to herself. "She's uh…kind of…a bigger mess than me, actually."

"Geez, what's going on over there, Summers? Is she okay?"

Every time she had talked to Dean about Willow she could hear a strange tone in his voice. She wasn't sure what the exact source of it was, but she started to get the idea that it wasn't because Willow was gay. Buffy had this feeling that Dean had an issue with Willow practicing magic. She didn't really know why he had an issue with magic and witchcraft, and it was never anything he had admitted outright. People who didn't accept the existence of the supernatural world tended to be afraid of witches, but she had never met another hunter that carried a disdain for them. She had started to wonder if there had been a bad encounter with a witch in his life. Whatever the reason it was a sore spot that she didn't want to continuously hit on it. She didn't want to fight about it either. She'd defend Willow to the end of the Earth, definitely, but only if Dean made a disrespectful comment.

"She will be. She's working on it."

"What happened?"

"Just some…stuff."

"Magic stuff?"

_Damnit._ "Yeah. She got a little...carried away," Buffy was reluctant to share this with anyone, even Dean. "It got scary for a bit, but she's pulled herself back together now."

Buffy tried to put a positive spin on it, but she knew that there was no positive spin this time. Things were a mess and she had no ideas on how to fix it. It felt like there was nothing she could do. That feeling of helplessness seemed to be a pretty common occurrence lately, and she disliked it greatly.

"What's a little carried away?" Dean asked.

Buffy tried to explain, but it was nearly impossible to do so in a concise way. To tell the story she had to tell him about the fights that Willow and Tara had been having. She'd have to recount the spell gone wrong being the final straw. The story of Amy the Rat, now not so much a rat, would have to be explained. That was definitely not a good way to ease someone into being okay with witchcraft. If that wasn't all enough, the climax of the story would be the mess that Amy brought onto Willow. The partying was one thing, but the magic dealer was a whole new level of messed up. That was what caused Dawn's accident. Problem with magic or not, Buffy got the feeling that putting Dawn in danger would be a huge issue for Dean. It was a whole "protective older sibling" thing.

She spat the lengthy story out, trying to leave out the worst parts. The guilt was overwhelming as she let Dean in on Willow's most humiliating story. Willow would find it hard to forgive her for telling anyone this story, but Buffy couldn't help it. She had no one to talk to about it all, and that was all she had wanted. She could never explain how much she blamed herself for her friend's breakdown. Buffy spoke as quickly as she could, afraid that if she slowed down Dean would jump in with a cheeky comment. Much to her surprise he had stayed quiet, even after she finished recounting the horrible ordeal.

"My best friend was drowning, in nearly every sense of the word…and I didn't even notice. How awful is that? What a great protector I am…" Buffy said, a slight hitch in her words.

There was concern etched on Dean's face throughout the phone call. Sam couldn't make out what was being said, but it was definitely nothing good. Dean had been quiet for quite some time, but the expressions on his face told a bigger story than any words Sam may have been able to hear. Something big had gone down, and it was obviously big enough to shake even Dean. He watched silently as Dean slipped his phone back into his pocket and stormed back to the car. Not a word was spoken as he fired up the engine and tore off the shoulder of the highway. A fast U-Turn was pulled and they were heading back in the direction they had come.

"Dean?"

"Goin' to Sunnydale."

That was all Dean was ready to tell Sam. Buffy had told him a lot about Willow, about what she had been into since she had been brought back from the dead. Her powers had done nothing but grow over the years, but it was at a whole new level now by the sounds of it. She was into some stuff that made other witches, and even other creatures, nervous. Buffy had been hesitant to admit it, but it made her uneasy too. It was all overwhelming, and it was terrifying. Cas had assured him that Willow was not a threat, but with this new information, Dean couldn't help but doubt Cas' judgement on the matter. Cas did sometimes fail to comprehend situations for what they really were. Dean didn't know what he thought he was going to accomplish, tearing into town like this, but that didn't matter. He had to be there. Even if he couldn't help, he needed to be there. She needed him to be there.

ӁӁӁ

The brothers were closing in on Sunnydale by the next morning. They must have been about four hours out when Dean's other, other cell phone started ringing. Sam reached for it, but Dean's hand darted out faster and snatched it up before Sam could even place his fingers on the cell. Obviously he hoped it was Buffy again.

"Buffy?"

"Dean?"

Dean's brow furrowed as confusion crossed his face, "Garth?"

"Yeah, it's Garth! How are ya, Dean?" Garth smiled through the phone.

"Uh, good. Why are you calling me?"

"There's a big case that's come up. You need to head to New Mexico," Garth stated with a level of authority in his voice that Dean was not used to hearing.

Sam gave Dean a weird look, and Dean pulled the phone away from his face.

"It's Garth. Says he's got a case we gotta check out," Dean returned to the phone, "sorry man, we're busy. And since when do we take cases from you?"

"I uh, kinda took over for Bobby. I've been keepin' up with all the hunters he knew."

"Took over for – what the hell?"

Garth sighed, "someone had to do it, Dean."

"Are you fucking kidding me? You can't just -"

Sam grabbed the phone from Dean before his anger boiled over, "hey, it's Sam. What's going on?"

Garth smiled through the phone, "Sam! It's good to hear your voice." The authority returned to Garth's voice, "I have a confirmed sighting of a Suvolte demon in New Mexico. It's been jumping town to town and it's left behind a string of about 20 dead so far."

Sam looked over at Dean, remembering the look on his face when he announced they were going to Sunnydale. "No one else can check it out?"

"Do you know anyone else that can handle a Suvolte?" Garth questioned.

Sam paused before answering, "I'm on it."

Sam hung up and tossed the phone back down on the seat.

"You're on it?" Dean practically growled.

"Yes. Me. Drop me off in the next town. I'll bus it to the location and we can meet up after."

"What's the case?"

"Suvolte. Guess it's got a dead count of about 20 so far."

Dean slammed on the brakes, bringing the Impala to an abrupt stop and nearly sending Sam through the windshield as it spat gravel and dust up behind it. It was a good thing that there had been no one behind them.

"A what!? And you think you're going alone?"

Sam shrugged, "you were pretty adamant that you were needed in Cali. I can handle this. You go do whatever it is that you need to do."

Dean spun the car around again and headed back in the direction they had come from, spitting up even more gravel as he spun his tires.

"Dean?"

His expression was sullen, but that didn't change Dean's decision. "You're not taking on a Suvolte alone."

Sam opened his mouth to argue, but was shut up by a quick glance from Dean.

"We'll clean it up, and head to SunnyD in a couple-a days."


	9. Chasing Shadows

Hey loves. I didn't sleep last night, so this happened. Hope you enjoy the insomnia induced writing ^_^ I am halfway through my semester, which means in about 8 weeks I'll be able to start work on the follow-up story to this installment. How exciting is that!?

Is that ending a cliffhanger? I suppose it is...sorry 'bout that =/

My Feathered Scales - Oh my goodness! I can't believe someone marathoned something of mine! Is it weird that I feel like that's a huge achievement for me? Like, I feel all warm and fuzzy, haha. You are such a doll! Thank you so much for that HUGE compliment. My goodness, you just made my entire week. No crying! I promise that I'm dragging them through the mud for good reason and so much good is coming sometime in the sort of near future that this will all be worth it. Deal? =D

Sweetie420 - Awe thank you so much my dear! I promise you I will keep updating, just not on a regular schedule of any kind haha! I have so much planned for this story and then following stories that I hope to keep writing for quite some time =D

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><p><strong>Chapter Eight – Chasing Shadows<strong>

"_I-I need to know about the spell. The one that…that brought me back. I, I'd ask Willow, but..." _

_Buffy was trying to hide the concern in her voice, but she couldn't hide the concern etched on her face. Tara had been surprised when Buffy had called her, fearing that Willow had gone too far or had gotten herself hurt. While she was relieved that Willow was okay, the distress she found Buffy in was enough to break her heart._

"_You think it's you?" Tara asked._

"_I don't know. I feel…different. There are things... I-I think, maybe, I came back wrong," Buffy choked on her words, realizing how hard it was to admit it out loud._

_Tara tried to speak firmly, but found herself stuttering as she spoke. She hadn't stuttered in years, but she had found herself falling back to her old ways. Ever since she left Willow. "No, Buffy, that's n-not - no. You didn't…"_

"_Can you check out the spell? Just see if there's something that…Could you just check? Please?" Buffy begged her, her eyes wide._

_Tara nodded in agreement. She wasn't even sure where to begin, but she could see that Buffy was desperate, and she needed to help._

ӁӁӁ

"It was here alright," Sam traced the footprint in the mud with his fingers.

Dean nodded in agreement, "yeah, but when?"

"The print looks kinda fresh, the edges are still soft," Sam continued his analysis of the muddy print.

"I dunno, Sammy. Looks old to me. It's probably onto the next town by now."

Sam look up to his brother with a sympathetic expression. If that was true then both brothers knew what that meant. It meant that they were too late. It meant that there was already a list of new victims that they had been unable to reach in time. It meant that they had failed. Again.

"Fuck," Dean ran his fingers through his hair, "I'm getting really tired of always being one town behind this bastard."

"I know, Dean. I'm getting sick of it too, but we'll catch up," Sam said, standing up and dusting the grime off of his hands.

"When? How many more bodies are going to pile up before we find it?"

This was the fifth town that the Winchesters had come to looking for the Suvolte demon that Garth had sent them to take down. So far they hadn't been helpful at all. All they had done was arrive to the location too late. There were victims piling up, and they felt like they were carrying each of those victims with them now. This footprint was the first bit of evidence other than a victim that they had found, and even that gave them nothing to go on other than another sign that it was, indeed, here. There was no rhyme or reason as to who the demon killed, or what direction it traveled in. There was no real way to track something that had no thought process.

"Dean?"

"So now we're stuck waiting until the next death is reported before we can even find a direction to go in," Dean stated, ignoring Sam's interjection.

"Dean…"

"An-and then what? We drive night and day until we get to **that** town, where we'll probably find a victim list and a missing demon all over again," Dean's rant continued.

"Dean!"

"What!?"

Dean looked at his brother, silently demanding a good reason for him to have interrupted him. Venting may not help him get any closer to this demon, but it sure as hell was making him feel better. He found that Sam wasn't paying any attention to him, but rather looking intensely towards the alley that was to their side. Dean followed Sam's gaze to see a strange shadowy shape partially hidden by the dumpster.

"Well why didn't you say something?" Dean hissed.

Sam shot him an incredulous look before speaking quietly, "is it the Suvolte?"

Dean shook his head, "I can't tell from here. C'mon."

Sam followed closely behind Dean as they dashed across the street, closing in on the alley's mouth. Dean shot his brother a glance and they both pulled their handguns out and hopped into the alley, guns both pointed at the shadowy figure they had seen.

"Oh my god," Sam gasped, shoving his gun back into its holster.

Both brothers knelt down next to the person that they had found leaning against the dumpster, struggling to keep himself on his feet. There was blood pouring from the claw marks on the man's sides, as well as a large bite mark that spanned from his shoulder to his throat. The man gurgled, trying to speak, but no sound would come out as blood spewed from his mouth. He sunk to the ground as the two brothers struggled to stabilize him.

"Sam, we gotta go!"

"What? No, we gotta call for help!"

"This is a Suvolte attack, Sam. It's close. We can't lose it again," Dean tried to reason with his brother.

Sam shook his head, "we'll find this bastard, but we don't abandon victims."

Dean paused a minute before he took off running down the alley way. He didn't disagree with Sam about how to treat victims, but he also knew that any chance to catch this damn demon before he took off again needed to be utilized. They couldn't lose it again. Dean couldn't keep losing this demon. He knew Sam would stay behind, and that was fine. That was good. Sam was right, they didn't abandon victims. Dean knew he could handle this, and a partner would only slow him down. It was time to end this fucking hunt so they could stop adding people to their list of victims. So another demon could be wiped off of this Earth. So he could finally make it to Sunnydale.

He hadn't had much of a chance to call Buffy since Garth had sent them on this chase, and for that Dean felt guilty. The Slayer had been dealing with a lot the last time they spoke, so much so that Dean was ready to drive all the way to see her. All he wanted to do was help her somehow. He still didn't know what he had expected to do for her once he got there, he just knew he had to try. Dean wasn't even entirely sure how long it had been since the two of them talked at this time, which told him that it had been far too long. What made matters worse was that Buffy hadn't called him, either. Somehow Dean knew that his hope that things were going well, and she didn't feel the need to call him, was in vain. He just hoped that things hadn't become too much worse in the meantime. No matter what, he vowed to call her at his first opportunity. Even if it was just to hear her voice.

Right now, however, he needed to focus on finding the Suvolte and putting it down before anything else could happen. As always, no matter how important the other things were, hunts always came first. Dean kept his gun low and out of sight while he ran through the alley, following the blood trail from where the poor bastard had stumbled away from the attack. In the case of Suvolte attacks, survivors didn't happen, so he had to wonder what had allowed that guy to get away from the demon. Dean couldn't think of a single situation that would allow someone to escape. These demons were ruthless and relentless in their attacks, and there wasn't much that outranked them on the food chain, so it probably wasn't another predator that had interrupted the attack.

The further that Dean went, the more impressed he became with the bloodied man they had found. He may have been barely clinging to life, but he had run a good distance if this blood trail was to be believed. Either that, or the Suvolte was dripping blood as he stalked off in the opposite direction. Either way Dean figured that he would eventually come up on the demon. Or at very least the initial attack spot which could give them some vital information. All the time they had spent on this case, and they still had no idea how the demon moved around or where it liked to make it's attacks. It wouldn't be as pleasing to Dean to find that information, but if he couldn't find the bastard then he'd take anything he could get.

Dean was about four blocks over from where he and Sam had seen the survivor when he finally found a pool of blood. The building walls were splattered with a large volume of blood, and the trail did not continue past this point. Obviously this was where the man had been attacked. It may not be the demon, but it was a good place to start. Dean tried to ignore the welling up feeling of defeat, at least long enough to investigate the scene. Now he was wishing that Sam had followed him; Sam was always better at this part than Dean was.

"Alright, you left me something to go on. Just gotta find it," Dean muttered as he holstered his gun.

Dean knelt down at the pool of blood, his finger touching it briefly. It was tacky, but still slightly wet. It was confirmed completely now that this attack was recent. Maybe if they had come from this direction to check out the print they could have stopped it. _Damnit. _Dean cast his gaze in each direction, hoping to suss out where the demon may have come from, or even where the guy had come from. There was a door next to the dumpster, propped open by a piece of cardboard slid in between the door and the lock. Next to the door was a small pile of cigarette butts, as well as a trash bag that had burst on the ground.

"That answers that question," Dean said, noticing the smear of blood on the door.

"What's that?" Sam asked, joining his brother.

Dean looked over at his brother, blood soaked through his jacket.

"Is he…"

Sam shrugged morosely, "I doubt he'll survive. I waited until I heard the sirens getting close. Figured I should be gone before they got there."

"Good. That you stayed I mean. At least he wasn't alone."

That was Dean's way of apologizing without actually apologizing; that was something Sam had learned over the years. Dean hadn't wanted to leave that guy any more than Sam did, but he was focused on getting this job done. Sam took stock of the location that they were in, immediately understanding that his brother had found where the attack had started.

"Looks like the Suvolte caught the guy as he came out for a smoke and to take out the trash," Sam noted.

Dean nodded, "that's what I figured too. Now if we can figure out where the demon came from we might be able to better pinpoint it next time."

Sam looked around for something that might give them a clue. They weren't far from a fork in the alley, and there were several more doors that lined the alley. He cast his eyes up to the roofs, but they were substantially higher than he had ever seen a Suvolte climb or jump. A downwards glance landed his eyes on a manhole cover. The sewers were likely, but the hole was still covered. Suvolte demons were not known for their intelligence; it wouldn't have thought to replace the lid. That seemed as unlikely as the roof option.

Sam couldn't help but wonder what the demon was even doing this close to the downtown area. Every other stop they had made to hunt for it, all the signs of the Suvolte had been in the woods. Up until now Sam had been sure that the demon liked to hide in the woods, using the shadows and trees as cover. It probably felt comfortable with animals and away from people, rather than close to civilization. They had been, after all, indigenous to the jungles in South America. Here, the forests and wooded areas around small towns were the closest thing to what they were used to. The Suvolte tended to avoid cities, and the busier parts of small towns, so again Sam marvelled at the strangeness of the situation. If he hadn't have seen the victim first hand he may have figured it was a different type of monster, but there was no mistaking a Suvolte attack. They were on the right track, so he kept focused on the task at hand.

"Maybe further down the alley?" Sam asked aloud, even though he was mainly speaking to himself.

Sam wandered down the alley towards the fork. He looked in each direction, but nothing jumped out at him as a possible direction for the demon to have come. It was doubtful that the demon had been wandering the streets searching for it's prey. It may not be intelligent, but it did know better than to tear through the streets.

With his search turning up empty, Sam headed back to his brother. Just behind the dumpster something caught his eye. There was a sewer grate embedded in the bottom two feet of the building and about a foot out from the building in the ground. He may have paid no attention to it if it wasn't for the bars that crossed through the opening. They were bent to the sides and coated with a strange grey-ish black liquid.

"Hey Dean?"

Dean poked his head out from behind the dumpster, "yeah?"

"I think I found it. It is using the sewers after all," Sam pointed to the grate that was hidden behind the dumpster.

Dean came around and stood with his brother, his eyes gleaming at the prospect of finally making some progress on the case.

"Well done, Sammy. Let's go," Dean dropped down through the bent bars.

Sam hesitated slightly. It wasn't for sure that the demon had moved on, and it was likely that they were going to be dropping in on it's lair. The Suvolte demon would always have the advantage against them, but in a small and confined space it would be even dicier for them. Despite his hesitation, Sam knew this was what they had to do. There was no way he was letting this thing get away again if they could catch it now. There was even less chance that he'd let Dean take it on alone. Sam dropped in after his brother.

The brothers both landed with a resounding thud and splash as their boots hit the concrete and the puddles that inhabited the tunnels.

"Ugh, what is that smell?" Dean exclaimed, his face pulled in disgust.

"More than sewer smell, that's for sure," Sam made a similar face as he glanced around. "I think it's him."

Dean looked in the direction that Sam was pointing to find a crumpled body in the corner behind them. The body was well decomposed, but it was obvious that it had once been human, and by the looks of it, food as well.

"That thing was definitely here."

Sam nodded, "recently to attack the guy up top, but long enough to have dumped this guy here. It must stay within a comfort zone or something."

"So if it's still in this town, then it's probably nearby?" Dean asked, eager to get his hands on the demon.

"It seems likely anyways. We should take a look around. Even if it isn't still here, we may find some clues as to how it chooses where it lurks."

This was more information than they had been able to compile in five towns. Sam was thrilled at uncovering this much, and he was eager to find more. Anything that could help them.

"Do you hear that?" Dean paused, eyeing the passageways around them.

Sam too paused to listen, "What is that, a sucking sound?"

"It's definitely not a dripping or running water sound."

"Check it out?" Sam questioned, already knowing the answer.

Dean nodded. Hearing strange noises usually meant that something weird was happening nearby. Weird usually meant supernatural, and right now he was hoping that supernatural meant Suvolte. Finding the source of the noises, however, was going to prove much more difficult than Dean would have liked. The concrete walls of the tunnels that surrounded them created an echo. This echo drew the brother's attention in all directions, and there wasn't enough time for them to investigate the sprawling maze. Somehow they needed to pinpoint the source of the sounds, and Dean knew it needed to be soon.

His time in Purgatory had taught him a lot, but right now it was a lesson he had learned from watching the Slayer that was going to aid them here. Dean shut his eyes and slowed his breathing down. It was quite possible that this only worked for those with Slayer powers, but Dean thought it was worth a try. He knew that Sam must be looking at him quizzically, but there wasn't time to care. He just hoped that he could get a direction to move in. Much to his surprise, it had become much easier to find the direction the noise was coming from. Dean's eyes flew open again, and without a word he headed off towards the tunnel behind them. Sam was hot on his heels, his gun at the ready. They didn't have to run far, as they came around the first corner and came up behind the demon. It didn't notice them as it was too absorbed by the prey that it was eating. The poor girl looked like she hadn't stood a chance.

Without hesitation Sam fired his entire clip into the back of the demon, Dean did the same as soon as Sam's gun fell silent. He was ready to smile in relief that the hunt was over, that was until the demon stood, turning to face the two brothers. They could see straight through the wound tracts, but it looked as though it wasn't even phased by the bullets. Alarm washed over both of them as they fumbled to reload their guns.

The demon was fast though. Faster than the brothers could have expected. It emitted a whining growl before it lurched at them, it's claws slashing through Dean's shirt. He was able to move back just in time so that his shirt was the only casualty in that attack. Sam shot off another two rounds in hopes that he would be able to drive the beast away from their current location. In the brief reprieve that Sam allowed him, Dean was able to reload his gun as well and drive it back even further. The Suvolte howled, but still was not deterred. Dean took this opportunity to dodge and roll past the demon to split it's attention. With a Winchester on either side it was impossible for the demon to take down both of them in one attack, and they may be able to get the upper hand. That was proven to be a fantasy and nothing more, however, as the Suvolte did exactly what Dean hoped it wouldn't.

It ignored Dean and leapt towards Sam. It's strong jaw clamped down on Sam's shoulder with a sickening crunch.

"No, Sam!" Dean yelled as he unloaded the rest of his clip into the back of the demon's head.

The bullets did nothing to halt the vicious attack as Sam struggled to break free. Dean grabbed his blade from his holster and ran at the demon, plunging it deep into it's neck. The Suvolte's armour was much too strong to allow the blade to make it far, but he hoped that he would be able to take it away from Sam. It did exactly what he had hoped, as the demon let go of Sam to howl in pain once more. Dean withdrew the blade and plunged it as deeply as he could again into it's neck. The Suvolte emitted the same whining growl that was a constant indicator of what it truly was: a monster. Both of the brothers readied themselves for another attack, their previous confidence that they could end this long gone. Much to their surprise the Suvolte looked up to the ceiling and then burst through the manhole cover that was above them. It was gone in an instant.

Dean dashed to his brother, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I think so. Could be worse," Sam winced as he spoke. "It's gone, isn't it?"

Dean nodded, "probably off to the next town now. If we go now we might be able to tail it."

Sam buried the pain down and followed his brother out of the tunnels. They had known how vicious and brutal these demons were, but now it was truly driven home.

ӁӁӁ

"_I-I've double checked everything. There's nothing wrong with you." Tara assured Buffy._

"_Are you sure?" Buffy asked, confused by what Tara was telling her._

"_I am. Shifting you out of…f-f-from where you were, funneling your essence back into your body, i-it, it may have altered you on a basic molecular level. But it's all just surfacey physical stuff," Tara tried to be reassuring, but felt like her stutter had hindered that._

"_I didn't come back wrong?"_

_Tara shook her head, "No, you're the same Buffy. I mean…there was something un-unexpected…"_

"_What? There's a thing? What's the thing?"_

_Tara shook her head, "I'm sure it's nothing to worry about, but there is something…different. There's a p-p-part of you that's…fractured? I can see it when I look at you, but I can't see wha-what's fractured."_

"_So…I am wrong?" Buffy's shoulders sunk._

_Tara was alarmed, "no!" Tara shook her head again, "n-no, you're Buffy, I promise. Maybe the spell Willow used blocked the funneling process from you? So you wouldn't re-remember that part?"_

_Buffy took a deep breath, fighting back a sob, "maybe?"_

_Tara gave a small smile, "I'll keep looking into it, okay?"_

ӁӁӁ

"How was your birthday?" Dean cradled his phone in his shoulder as pulled the gas nozzle from its hook.

He had wanted to call her on her birthday, but never got the chance. He had wanted to call her plenty of times before and after that as well, but what he wanted and what he got to do were very different things. Price of the life, and all that jazz. The hunt that they had taken on had taken much more time up than they had expected. He figured that the day after her birthday was good enough, and should still get him the brownie points for remembering.

Buffy laughed, "oh ya know, best Buffy bash ever. Full of curses, blood, and near death experiences."

Did she feel like telling him the whole truth? Not really. She didn't want anyone else to know that Dawn had been so miserable that she went to a demon for help. That no one in her house had even noticed how much pain Dawn was in. She didn't want him to know that they had been trapped in the house all night with a demon that had been able to travel through the walls. It was bad enough that she knew she was screwing up as the big sister, but she didn't need Dean to know that too. Dean was an older sibling too, there was a chance that he'd understand completely, but truth be told...she was embarrassed. Buffy knew she should have done better.

So she laughed. She laughed to hide how awful the whole situation had been.

"Geez, you sure know how to have a good time, Slayer," Dean joined in the laughter.

"Still better than my other birthdays, and worlds better than my shifts at the Double-Hell Palace," Buffy sighed as she dropped her stupid hat on the table next to her front door.

"Well you could always start charging people for saving their lives, no more greasy burger shifts that way," Dean was only half-joking.

"Have you been talking to Anya behind my back?" Buffy smirked.

"Who?"

Buffy chuckled, "nevermind. So since you know my birthday, when's yours?"

"Actually, it's in a few days," Dean winced as he returned the gas nozzle to the hook.

He hated his birthday, and over the years it had become just another day. When he was a kid he had always looked forward to his birthday, and every year he was let down. Any hope for a gift, cake, or even just a card had always been in vain. Most years his dad didn't even remember what day it was. By the time Dean had gotten to junior high school he had stopped hoping for much of anything, and by the time he got to high school he had started to forget the day himself. If Buffy hadn't asked about it, he probably would have once again passed it by without even realizing.

"Get out! And you didn't tell me!?" Buffy exclaimed.

"It's nothing really. Just another day that I'm grateful for living to."

That's all his birthday was now, anyways. A marker that he had survived another year. Macabre way to look at it? Probably. Realistic? Definitely. It had been a long time since Dean had cared though. Who did he have to celebrate with anyways? What good was a birthday when all it did was remind you that your days were numbered?

"Oh..."

Buffy was disappointed. She had found herself wishing that Dean could have made it for her birthday, even if it was for an hour. The hope that maybe he'd be able to make it into town for his own had lifted her spirits, but that wasn't going to happen either. He was much too far away to make it here by then. She was going to miss his birthday too. It had meant a lot to her to be able to celebrate something like that together, even if she wasn't sure why, but she would have to let it go. At least for this year.

Dean broke her thoughts by speaking again, "how are things on the hellmouth front?"

"It's actually been kinda quiet around here. I should probably be worried about that, but I'm too busy enjoying it for once."

"Quiet? What's that like? We've been on case after case for weeks now."

She didn't know that Dean had been about four hours from Sunnydale before this rash of cases started. Dean thought about telling her, but didn't want her to think that he was checking in on her. He especially didn't want to disappoint her, if that was the reaction she would give. He would be disappointed enough for the both of them.

The Suvolte demon case had proven to be more difficult than anyone had hoped for. Sam's gaping bite wound had only just started to heal in the last couple of days, and both of them had been sleeping in shifts in the car as they traveled. It had been weeks since they had slept in a real bed, and it was beginning to wear on them both. Dean was getting tired of this chase. He was tired of finding victims and not the demon. It kept pulling them further and further from California. The last sighting had dragged them all the way out to Ohio.

"Rather you than me," she teased.

"Gee thanks. Actually that's why I was calling."

Buffy frowned and feigned offense, "what you didn't actually care about my birthday?"

Dean chuckled, "of course I did! What kinda guy do you take me for?"

"Do you really want me to answer that?" She teased.

"Hey now, play nice," Dean smirked.

"Alright, what did ya call for?"

Dean wanted to tell her that he called because he wanted to hear her voice. He wanted to tell her that he called because he missed her. He wanted to tell her that he called because he had been so close to getting to see her again. He wanted to tell her he called because she meant more to him than he could ever wish to express.

Dean didn't get to tell her those things, though.

Instead Dean had to invent a reason, just like he had ever since that first phone call. He was still far too afraid that he would be the cause of the fall of the walls Cas built. So he'd keep those thoughts to himself. For now, at least. Dean would still hope that they could rebuild the relationship they'd had before.

For right now, though, he'd share a story from the stop in Cleveland that he and his brother were just leaving.

"Remember that argument we had about vamps and how to kill them?"

Buffy rolled her eyes, "how could I ever forget?"

Dean had insisted that decapitation was the only way to go and they left behind a corpse. He had laughed at the idea that they could be staked and turned to dust, claiming that it was only a myth. It didn't matter what Buffy had said, Dean refused to believe anything else. It was infuriating. She may not have been in the game quite as long as he had, but she did think herself as something of an expert on vampire killing.

"Well, Sam and I ran into a few like what you described," Dean fiddled with his keys, killing time before he had to start driving again.

"Really? Where?"

"Uh, Cleveland. Found a couple nests of 'em actually. Imagine my surprise when one burst into dust when I took it's head off."

"Did ya try staking a few?"

Dean laughed, "actually yes. You're right. Totally fun. Little dusty…"

"Right!?" Buffy paused, "Hey Dean?"

"Mhm?"

She remained silent for a moment before answering, "it's really good to hear your voice."

Buffy had wanted to say more, but she couldn't put her thoughts into words. How did you explain to someone how much they meant to you, when even you didn't understand it? She was pretty sure he'd think she was nuts if she were to tell him that he was the best part of her day. She had spent no more than fifteen minutes with him once, and that was months ago now. How crazy did it sound that she missed him just as much as she missed Giles? For now, she'd have to be satisfied with saying she was happy to hear from him.

He could hear the sadness in her voice, despite how cheery she had tried to remain throughout the conversation. She was overwhelmed, that much was obvious. Dean wasn't sure if their conversations helped her in anyway, like it did him, but he hoped that it did. He hoped that was what she meant with her comment. He was relieved that she had said what he had been thinking the entire time. Talking to Buffy, hearing her voice, it was like coming home to Dean. Dean, the boy who never really had a home, felt like he had finally found one, even if it was just in phone calls.

Dean smiled, "you too, Buff."

Though his response felt like it wasn't enough. He wished he could put into words what he wanted to say, but that was all that would come out. It would have to do. He just hoped she understood the feelings behind it. He hoped she understood that these phone calls were everything to him.

ӁӁӁ

Buffy sighed as another grubby customer stepped up to her counter.

"Welcome to the Double Meat Palace, how may I help..." she looked up to realize who she was speaking to, "you…."

"Hey."

"Huh?"


	10. Call On Me

Oh my goodness. I finished my Business Statistics midterm about 2 hours ago, and the amount of weight lifted off of my shoulders is UNREAL. I mean, I still have another paper kicking my ass, but for now - man I feel better. Which is why you get this! It's a little longer than my usual chapters, mostly to thank you all for sticking around through the sporadic updates. Plus I figured you'd enjoy this ^_^

My Feathered Scales - I'm sorry about the cliffhanger! Really! Hopefully made ya come back though ;-) I only made you wait a week, too!

HolyCowsAndFlyingPigs - So you're saying I should use a cave soon? Check! Haha. I'm glad you've enjoyed the banter, because there is going to be a ton of it in the next installment, and of course still some in this fic. Awe I'm so glad you enjoyed it! I hope this chapter makes up for the cliffhanger!

Sweetie420 - You're such a doll! I hope this chapter delivers just as well!

LoneButterfly05 - Well hello there! This is a new username to see. Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to leave a comment! It means a ton! Ya, I feel ya about the Scoobies. I had some stuff that bothered me too, especially now looking back. I haven't changed much of that just because I didn't wanna alter the canon stuff for BtVS much. I am, however, going to play with it a little in the next installment in the series, make it make more sense and stuff. The plan is most definitely for Buffy and Dean to end up together...though I can't say much about her memories and what happens with them, that'd ruin too much! Haha.

Alex - Haha! Trust me, I have a lot of the same issues with the Scoobies in the last two seasons. I may not alter what happened, but I do plan on addressing it better in the next installment of the series, that I promise! Dean is going to play a HUGE role in a lot of Buffy feeling better and readjusting, and even dealing with some issues that her friends kinda let fall by the wayside. I have so much fun planned, I can't wait to write it all out and share it!

Alright, with that out of the way, on to the chapter! Hope it meets expectations!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Nine – Call On Me<strong>

"Dean?"

"Well hello to you too, Buffy," Dean said, a smug grin plastered on his face.

"Hello. Hi. What?" She stammered, a dumbfounded expression stuck on her face.

"I had hoped to catch you at home, but I couldn't help but come in when I saw you were working," Dean started laughing, clapping his hands together, "I had to see that hat!"

"My hat…has a cow. You're here. And my hat has a cow…" Buffy took a deep breath.

"It's not that bad, really," Dean stifled another laugh, earning a glare from Buffy, "okay it's pretty bad."

"You. Here. What? Why"

This was another one of those moments where Buffy was pretty sure her brain wasn't connected to her mouth at all. Could she be any more of a spaz? She had managed to spit some words out, but it would have been nice if she could've strung them together coherently.

Dean tried to be serious, doing his best not to laugh at how cute flustered Buffy was. "Look, something's come up, something big."

Buffy gawked at him, not showing any sign of comprehension.

"We don't have much time. You understand?" Dean asked.

Buffy started to nod, causing the cow on her hat to bounce, earning another laugh from Dean. "Not a word you've said so far."

"I'll explain everything later, but this isn't the place. Sam and I have been following a demon for a couple of weeks now. We've finally managed to catch up to it here," Dean cast a glance around to make sure no one had heard what he had said.

A blank expression was all he received from Buffy.

Dean laughed slightly, "Alright. Let's try this. We need your help."

A voice came from behind her, "Helloooo, Buffy? People are waiting."

"Will you help us?" Dean asked.

Buffy shot a glance over to her manager who was tapping her foot expectantly at her and then glanced back to Dean. It wouldn't have mattered who was asking for her help, her duty as the Slayer always came first. The look in Dean's eyes, however, pleading for her help made her choice even easier. Buffy took off her hat and left it on the counter so that she could follow Dean. She ignored every plea from her manager as she walked. Buffy knew that she would regret this decision later, when the next bill came in and she had no way of paying it, but right now that didn't matter. What mattered was that there was something that needed to be put down, and Dean needed her help.

Dean was here, and he needed her. Nothing else could matter right now.

Self-conscious of the Double Meat smell coming off her skin, Buffy tried to keep a distance between herself and Dean as she followed him. He was finally here, and all she wanted to do was be close to him, but even she could smell the work smell wafting off of her. Why couldn't he have come before she got to work? Where Buffy was following Dean, she wasn't sure, but follow she did. Dean led her around back to where the Impala was parked. There was a man there waiting for them, leaned against the car. His arms were crossed and he tried to remain casual looking, but his eyes were scanning the alley carefully. It had to be a hunter. Buffy figured this must be Sam.

"Sam!" Dean gave him a wave, "this is Buffy. The Slayer."

"Hey, good to meet you," Sam held his hand out for her.

Buffy shook his hand, "Hi Sam. I've heard a lot about you, but somehow not that you're a giant."

Dean laughed, realizing that Sam was more than a full foot taller than the blonde. Knowing that she was easily twice as strong as Sam made the image ever funnier. Neither Sam nor Buffy found the situation quite as funny as Dean, but that didn't put a damper on his amusement in the least.

"He's not that giant, you're just mini," Dean teased.

That earned him a subtle scowl from Buffy, which did nothing but make Dean smirk.

Sam gave a chuckle, "so my brother says that we could use your help."

"That's what he told me. So what are we takin' down?" She said with a grin.

"A Suvolte demon. Rare, lethal, and nearly extinct," Sam said, getting down to business.

"Yeah, not nearly enough. We've been following it through towns for a couple of weeks, but it's been two steps ahead of us," Dean added on, with a hint of frustration in his voice.

Sam nodded in agreement, "it's here now, for sure. It's got a high body count, it moves fast, never stays anywhere very long, and it's already taken a good chunk outta me, so we gotta move on it fast."

Dean sighed, "preferably before it starts laying eggs. Things are like bunnies the way they breed." He shuddered, "we don't need more of these things."

Buffy nodded her head, "gotcha. Evil tribbles. Must be put down. I won't let you lose it again. Any ideas on where to start?"

"Tribbles? A Star Trek reference, really?" Dean raised an eyebrow, his eyes glinting as he smirked.

"Got a bit of a nerd-herd problem still," Buffy looked embarrassed. "Guess they're startin' to rub off on me."

Dean liked the look of the blush that tinted her cheeks, but he knew better than to mention it. Instead, he'd just enjoy the moment. She was cute when she was blushing.

Sam tried to stay on topic, "we don't know too much about this creature. There hasn't been a lot of evidence left to go on."

"Well, hit me with whatcha got," Buffy didn't need much information to go on, but something to give her a heads up as to what she was walking into would be nice.

"The closest we got to it was when we found a victim that had gotten free. That never happens, we couldn't figure that one out. We found the demon shortly after with another victim," Sam explained.

"So maybe it attacked while they were together and took the one it wanted the most?" Buffy offered.

Sam thought about that, "that actually makes sense. It went for the female. Maybe it likes something about females over males?"

Buffy nodded, "seems plausible. Anything else?"

"It likes forests, wooded areas. Stays away from people best it can. Though, a couple of the towns we tracked it to didn't really have that. There it tended to stick to alleyways and sewer tunnels to move around," Sam supplied.

"Well, we've got both of those here." Buffy thought a moment, "there's a few tunnel entrances that are backed against some woods though."

"Sounds like that could be a good place to start then," Sam's head bobbed as he thought it through. "Dean?"

Dean snapped to attention, "yeah, what?"

"You with us there?" Buffy smirked, waving her hand in front of his eyes.

A light blush spread across Dean's face as he realized he had been caught. He hadn't listened to a thing that Buffy and Sam had been saying. He knew it was important stuff, and he knew that he probably could have contributed at some point, but his attention was elsewhere. Buffy was standing less than two feet from him, and he couldn't believe it. He was ready to pinch himself to make sure this was really happening.

The last time he was here was when she had first come back, and he hadn't seen her since. The phone calls had been amazing, but it wasn't the same as being here with her. Dean found himself as struck by her beauty now as he was in Purgatory. Even if she didn't really know who he was, being here like this made the dull ache he had become accustomed to become much less noticeable. He just wanted to revel in her laughter while he could. He just wanted to enjoy being here with her.

Shame it was because of a hunt that he was finally able to be here. Fucking Suvolte.

"Sorry, yeah. Guess I'm a little more tired than I thought. What's the plan?" Dean tried to cover, but based on the look that Sam shot him, he failed miserably.

"Got a few locations to check out. Unless you have some insight to narrow it down," Sam stifled a chuckle.

"Uh, I dunno. I'd say far from people, but the last few stops the thing was hunting in the downtown area. Probably wants an intricate system to work in, to hide in," Dean tried to add to the conversation, but again found his focus elsewhere.

Was that helpful at all? Did he put words into real sentences? He wasn't even sure. It was entirely possible that he just spat out a bunch of words that made no sense together. Dean might have been embarrassed if he had been paying close enough attention.

Buffy shrugged, "doesn't really narrow it down, but I got a pretty good idea of where to start."

"Alright, then let's get a move on," Dean asserted.

The boys moved to get into the car until Buffy shook her head.

"We're close to the first spot, and there isn't any parking anywhere we're going. Not safe parking anyways."

The brothers exchanged a glance, obviously having some silent battle between the two of them. Buffy had a feeling that it was a battle between listening to her and not wanting to abandon the car. She wasn't entirely sure who was on which side, or even who was winning. Eventually they both agreed to go with what Buffy had said, regardless of how they really felt about it.

"Alright, we'll arm up first and then head off."

The two brothers pulled a couple of shot guns out of the trunk, along with a hand gun and a machete. They regarded the axes as well as a couple of swords, but decided against the extra weight that was sure to slow them down. As they had their faces buried in the trunk, the two heard a giggle come up from behind them.

"What?" Dean looked at her.

"Nothing!" She laughed again, "I just forget that hunters use all those guns and stuff."

She remembered the weapons that Cain had showed up with, and the shotgun she had subsequently bent in half. She used to give Riley a hard time for all the hardware The Initiative used to do what she did barehanded. Even once he was done with The Initiative, Riley still used equipment for every patrol or battle they encountered. She never meant to be condescending, but it definitely struck her as humorous, and she couldn't help but laugh.

"Hey, not all of us have superpowers ya know?" Dean chuckled.

"Superpowers are pretty sweet, I won't lie," she smiled.

Dean smiled, though it stung a bit to hear her say that. She had said that exact statement before when she caught him staring at her. He hated that he remembered that and she had no idea. He hated that those words meant something to him, and nothing to her. The dull ache returned with a vengeance now.

"Uh, quick question before we get moving," Sam said, shooting Buffy a quick glance.

"Yeah?"

"Okay two. One, what is that smell? Two, what's with the orange suit?"

Buffy pouted as Dean howled with laughter.

ӁӁӁ

The streets were bustling with people as the hunters and Slayer moved through the crowd. As they made their way through the groups of people they could hear girls giggling and guys hollering after their friends. Every so often someone would shove past them, and keep running, but that was all the attention that was paid to the three hunters. Grateful for that, they were careful to keep their weapons concealed beneath jackets and sweaters as they walked, not wanting to draw any extra attention to themselves. Buffy was pretty sure that her pants did enough of that all on their own anyways.

"So what makes this a likely spot to find this thing?" Dean asked, his eyes scanning the area for any hint of the demon.

"I know you said it doesn't like crowds, but I can't even count the number of times the baddies used this as their hunting ground. Lotta access to victims, and not only does the back alley have sewer access, but the basement does too," she pointed to the brick building.

"The Bronze?" Sam questioned.

"Mhm. Best night club in town," she beamed before her face fell, "okay, it's the only one."

"And it's a target?" Dean asked, now watching the kids that were running around a little more carefully.

Buffy nodded, "I've seen this place destroyed a countless number of times. Hell that door was replaced a few weeks ago after I kicked it in."

The brothers both looked at the thick steel door before returning their gaze to the Slayer, obviously stunned by that information. Even Dean, who had seen her fight firsthand, found himself impressed.

"Well, let's do this before any of these kids become Suvolte food," Dean was ready to get this over with.

"Agreed. C'mon, we'll start in the alley. We can follow the tunnel to the basement, cross 'em both off the list."

"Or find the bastard," Sam followed closely behind Buffy and Dean, also ready to end this hunt.

"Hopefully," Buffy agreed.

Part way down the alley the three of them came to a grate similar to the ones that Sam and Dean had been investigating the last while. Buffy cast a glance to them to confirm that she had been on the right track, when they gave a nod of approval she grinned.

"The bars aren't bent," Sam pointed out.

"Is that usually what you guys find?" Buffy asked.

"So far, yeah. Maybe it hasn't used this entrance yet though," Dean suggested.

"Worth a look anyways," Sam agreed. "Oh, but it's locked," Sam indicated the industrial sized padlock that closed the grating tight.

A final glance was shot around to make sure there were no witnesses before Buffy grabbed onto the lock and pulled down on it. The metal fell away in pieces almost like it was plastic and not solid steel. Sam was amazed that the legend of the Slayer's strength seemed to be completely true. He remembered doubting it as he read about it, but now he wondered if it had been understated in the records. She had destroyed a large steel door, and now he had just witnessed her practically disintegrating a metal padlock. This girl was seriously impressive. Before he could comment, the small girl had slipped through the grating and he could hear the sound of her landing down below. The brothers exchanged a quick look before also dropping down below.

"These tunnels connect all through Sunnydale. Anywhere you need to go, you can get to through here. The system is huge," Buffy explained as the boys gained their footing.

"Making it a perfect playground for monsters," Sam added, to which Buffy nodded in agreement.

"So, a lot of sewer travelling then?" Dean looked a little dismayed.

Buffy shook her head, "I wouldn't suggest it. Even a seasoned hunter like you would be surprised by what these sewers house. We don't wanna travel through them, we could be here all night at that rate. I was thinkin' we'd just hit the entrances that the demon is likely to use."

"Sounds good to me. I'm rather fond of wide open spaces," Sam stated, knowing full well that Dean felt the same.

Buffy gave him a knowing glance. She had seen him favouring his shoulder and she remembered Dean saying that Sam had taken a hit. She figured that they had learned to dislike close spaces the hard way. She had learned that herself time and time again.

"Alright, so we'll lead. Which direction are we headin'?" Dean asked, pulling his shotgun out to the ready position.

Buffy shook her head, "I don't think so. I know the sewers fairly well, but me giving directions is never a good idea. I'll lead. What kinda attack should I be expecting?"

"Teeth," Sam said simply.

"Great. Fantastic," Buffy exhaled a deep breath before heading off towards the tunnel that would eventually loop them to the basement of The Bronze.

"Listen for a whining growl sound. It's generally what you'll hear when it's close," Sam kept his voice hushed.

"Or a slurping sound. Then it's eating," Dean added, also hushed but with a twinkle in his eyes.

Buffy pulled a face, "gross."

The three hunters moved through the sewers silently, not wanting to give away their position to anything that might be near them. It wasn't just the Suvolte Demon that used the sewers to move around. As Buffy had said, there were plenty of things down here. They could have spent all night in the tunnels and never run out of beasties to kill. They could make a decent dent in the monster population, sure, but more would only come to take their place anyways. Plus, that wasn't what they were here for. That Suvolte needed to go down.

Sam whispered up to Buffy, "I'm not hearing anything. What about you?"

Buffy shook her head, "I can sense some vamps nearby, but nothing big. Looks like this one might be a bust."

Dean caught the expression on her face. She was beating herself up about it, and he knew it. He had seen that look in Purgatory enough times to know exactly what she was thinking.

"Hey, don't worry. We'll find it. What's the next stop?"

Buffy tried to lighten her expression but failed. She thought a moment or two before speaking again, "well…I guess we could try one of the cemetery entrances? I dunno how much that matches the demon's MO, but it's close and worth a try."

"Okay, let's get a move on," Sam said encouragingly.

The three of them started to move until Buffy came to a dead stop, her hand raised up to signal her stop.

"What is it?" Sam asked.

"Some vamps are close," Buffy turned with a grin on her face, "wanna have some fun?"

Dean returned her grin, putting his shotgun back in his sling. He produced a wooden stake from the inside of his jacket before turning to look at Sam.

"Oh this is gonna be fun, Sammy."

Buffy tossed Sam the machete, "here."

Sam nodded his thanks and the three stalked forwards awaiting the attack that was sure to come. They had made it all of fifteen feet before a group of five vampires came into their path.

"Well what do we have here, boys?" The one in the front of the group hissed.

"Uh, Devon, that's the Slayer," one of the other vampires answered, fear apparent in his voice.

"I know who the hell it is!"

"Oh good, then we can skip the introductions and go straight to the part where I turn you to dust!" Buffy quipped as she drove her stake into the first vampire's chest.

Dean took that as his cue and dashed around Buffy, delivering a strong blow to one of the vampires jaw. Sam, who had been pulling up the rear and had more ground to cover was in the fray just as quick as Dean. Dean, who had seen the Slayer fight a countless number of times wasted no time in taking down the vampire he had taken on. Sam, however, was struggling to keep his focus on the task at hand. Instead he found himself completely enamoured by the way a Slayer fought. Any fight Sam or Dean had ever been in had been brutal, undignified, and messy. Buffy, on the other hand, looked like she was floating. She was graceful and devastating in her attacks. He couldn't help but be impressed; he had never seen anything like it.

Buffy staked her final two vampires as Sam swung his machete, taking off the last one's head. The three of them stood there, piles of dust surrounding them.

"Well, that was fun," Buffy smiled as she watched the two boys catch their breath.

"Man, turning them to dust is way more fun than dealing with the vamps we usually find," Dean grinned, "we ready to go?"

Buffy nodded and headed on towards the door that would lead them to The Bronze.

"They don't even lock it?" Sam asked, incredulously.

"I know, very careless. No wonder stuff's always going down here," Buffy agreed, a hint of amusement in her voice.

The boys followed Buffy through the dark and cramped basement of the nightclub, eyes still scanning for any sort of threat that may make a move from the shadows. Their footsteps echoed through the space as they climbed the steel steps.

"Okay, just follow me. We're gonna just head straight for the exit, no need to linger here," Buffy instructed, her hand paused on the door handle.

Sam and Dean both nodded, eager to continue their hunt. As soon as the blonde opened the door the club music filled their ears. The bass rattled the steps they were standing on, and as soon as they stepped into the club an overwhelming strange feeling took them over. A quick glance to Buffy told them that she felt it too. She tried to say something to them but they couldn't hear her over the music and the people throughout the packed club.

Buffy grabbed onto Dean's shoulder and whispered into his ear, "vamps use this as a hunting ground. There's tons of them here, but we gotta get a move on if we wanna find your demon before it leaves again."

Her breath hitting his neck sent shivers down his spine, and it took all of his self-control to stop himself from grabbing her and kissing her. It was all he wanted in the moment, but right now was not the time, and he certainly didn't want their first kiss to be in some teeny-bopper night club with his brother watching them.

Instead Dean chose to nod in agreement and signal to his brother to keep moving. The three of them made their way through the crowded dance floor, trying their best to avoid drawing attention from the undead patrons. As much as they would have all liked to take down the vultures, Buffy had been right, now wasn't the time. Dean, who normally would have been in sensory overload because of all the writhing bodies of the girls on the floor, kept his attention trained on the blonde Slayer. He couldn't help but notice a slight sway in her hips as she moved between the mobs of dancers. Was that on purpose?

Buffy glanced over her shoulder and locked eyes with Dean, a mischievous grin playing at the corners of her lips. She signalled for him to lean down so she could say something, which he happily obliged. Dean would take any chance to be that close to her again.

"Don't worry, I promise there'll be time for a dance later," she said with a wink.

Dean was speechless at her words, and stammered to find something to say in return. How was it possible that he, Dean Winchester, was speechless because of a girl? Buffy slid her hand into Dean's and pulled him off towards the exit. If Sam noticed the gesture, he wisely decided to keep his looks and thoughts to himself. Dean, who had at first been caught off guard by the sudden feeling of contact with her, continued to allow her to lead. Any excuse to touch her was alright in his books. He gave a light squeeze to her hand as they passed through the club's exit, and he was glad he had since that was when she let go. He already missed the feeling of her hand in his. He couldn't believe how sappy she had him feeling.

"I know I said I wanted to check out the cemetery sewer entrance, but I think there's a more likely entrance near the university," Buffy turned to face the boys.

"Whatever you think, Buffy. You know this town better than we do," Sam encouraged.

"We still gonna check out the cemetery?" Dean asked.

"It's on the way, so we may as well," Buffy shrugged.

The three of them were off again, this time in search of the cemetery. There wasn't much conversation, the mood didn't feel as light as it had before. Buffy was feeling kind of bummed that she hadn't got the results she wanted by starting at The Bronze. Sam kept his eyes scanning the area around them, peering down any dark streets or alleys that they passed, hoping to see something. Dean, while he did his best to also survey the area, had his eyes on Buffy most of the way. He was thrilled when he realized that she had been sneaking glances his way as well.

The history the two of them had may not mean a damn thing anymore, but maybe a new chemistry could be sparked. In one of her stolen glances their eyes met, and instead of blushing and turning away like most girls would do, Buffy held the gaze, a suggestive look in her eyes. Dean was only able to smile back, completely awestruck by this seemingly small and innocent moment. Was it possible that he had finally met a girl just as brazen as he? Was it possible that she was feeling the same way he was?

"Geez, how many cemeteries does this town have?" Sam interrupted the moment, apparently unaware it was even happening, "we've passed seven already, just in this area."

Dean didn't break his eye contact with Buffy as he spoke, "it's a hellmouth, does that really surprise you?"

Buffy broke the gaze finally to look at Sam, "there's a lot here. Most of them full of empty caskets now," the disappointment in her voice was obvious. "The one we want is at the end of the block. There on the hill," she pointed upward towards the next wrought iron gate.

When they reached the fencing, both of the guys headed towards the open gate until Buffy shook her head.

"Better to go in the back over here," she continued walking around, "the entrance to the tunnels are behind the mausoleums on the east side here."

A quick hop of the fence brought the three of them in front of a large brushy area behind the mausoleums. Buffy reached out for the machete that she had left with Sam for the trip, which he handed over as he brought his handgun out of his holster. Buffy made quick work of the brush to locate the opening to the sewer tunnels.

"Looks like no one's used this one in a while," Buffy commented. "My guess is it's unlikely that the Suvolte was using it."

"Probably not worth checking out?" Dean asked.

Buffy shook her head glumly, "probably not. There's plenty of tunnel entrances around here, but if it was using them we would have found it along the way here. The spot I wanna check next tends to draw all kinds of baddies. It wasn't at The Bronze, so my bet is it's gonna be there."

ӁӁӁ

"Alright, dense woods? Check. No people? Check. Sewer access? Check. Looks like the right kinda place," Dean noted as he passed his flashlight beam around the sewer entrance.

Buffy had led the boys to the sewer tunnel entrance located near the university. It wasn't because it was near the university that it was off interest, though. She hadn't told them the whole truth, because it was a long story to try to explain and they were under a time crunch. It was the entrance that used to be connected to The Initiative before the government had deemed it an utter failure and pulled the plug. It may not be active anymore, but the same feeling resonated from this place, as though it still held a charge from all the monsters that had been held captive here. It wasn't just the beasties that sensed it either; Buffy had seen plenty of people get the wiggins around this place. If that Suvolte was hiding anywhere in this town, Buffy would bet it would be drawn here.

The bent open grating that they found seemed to agree with that sentiment. Behind them, where the woods butted up against the clearing they were currently standing in, was more evidence of a large beast being in the vicinity. There were trees bent, several snapped and splintered along the way, and some with splashes of blood staining through the bark and on the leaves. Now there was no doubt in her mind that they were in the right place, she only hoped that it hadn't moved on already.

"So what, split up? You guys in the sewers and I take the woods?"

"Why split up?" Dean asked, double checking his shotgun.

"Well we haven't exactly had much luck with the sewers, figure we should check out both. We're running out of time before daybreak, and we'll have to put the hunt on hold then."

Sam shook his head, "not a good idea. Suvolte demons are vicious. We should stick together."

Buffy couldn't tell if he was more concerned about her, or himself and his brother. "I'm not as fragile as I look, I can handle myself. Don't worry about me."

Dean shook his head, "no, Sam's right. My guess is we'll find it in the sewers anyways. Seems to take all it's victims into the sewers to feed anyways. Even if it's not down there now, it will be by the time day hits."

"Okay, I'm with ya," She nodded, brandishing the machete once again.

"You take point again, we'll be right behind ya," Sam said, ready to go.

Buffy sighed, "ya know, some girls spend their Friday nights at the bar or the movies, or even on a date. Buffy spends it delving into the sewers carrying a machete. Perfect."

Sam chuckled, "I feel ya. I used to spend my Friday nights buried in my text books, and yet here I am."

"Gotta love the life," Dean agreed cynically.

"Let's do this," Buffy said as she slid down into the tunnels once more.

This portion of the tunnels was much more sprawling than the section near The Bronze, and it left them a lot of different directions to choose from. The brothers had already figured that sticking together was the right idea, but now they were doubly grateful that they had Buffy with them. She knew these tunnels well, and the last thing they would have wanted to do was to get lost in the sewer tunnels with the Suvolte demon lurking about. The tunnel system had them so turned around that they long stopped trying to keep track and instead just followed Buffy.

They had wound through the sewers for an hour or so before they started to hear what sounded like the whining growl the brothers had become accustomed to hearing.

"It's close," Sam said, casting a glance to the left side of the fork in the sewer.

Buffy nodded, "it has someone."

"How can you tell?" Sam asked, looking back at her.

"I can hear someone crying," Buffy said solemnly.

That was all Dean needed to hear. He quickly stalked off in the direction they could hear the bastard. It had been eluding him for weeks, and it had killed more than enough people by now. To say he was ready to put it down was an understatement. It was time to end this. Buffy darted after him with Sam pulling up the rear. They barreled into the next fork in the sewers just in time to see a dark figure rush around a corner. Dean, not prepared to let this thing get away again, dashed after it.

"Dean!" Sam called out.

Dean didn't stop running, and he didn't look back. He could hear Buffy hot on his heels, and he knew that she would stick close. They may have never gone on a true hunt while in Purgatory, but they certainly had gone through these paces before. He knew what to expect of the Slayer, and in this moment he was grateful beyond words that he could count on her. He just hoped she felt the same towards him, there was no time to doubt one another now.

The corner that they saw the demon round led them to a small crossroads within the tunnels, but the demon was nowhere in sight. The only thing that they were able to see immediately was a small crumpled form on the ground.

"Damnit!" Dean yelled out, the frustration coming off of him in waves. Buffy placed a hand on his shoulder in an effort to calm him down.

Sam headed straight towards the crumpled form on the ground. Once he was closer it was clear to see that this was the demon's latest meal. A quick touch from Sam confirmed that she was dead, and recently so as she was still warm.

"I think this is who you could hear crying, Buffy," Sam said, regrettably.

Buffy nodded, obviously unhappy to have a confirmed casualty in her town. It was easy to see it on her face that she took it personally. That she felt like she had failed to protect this girl. Hell, a small town like this, it was possible that she even knew this girl. Sam felt bad that they hadn't made it in time to save her.

"C'mon, we gotta keep moving," Dean was determined now.

"We can't lose it now," Buffy agreed.

A whining growl drew their attention straight forwards. They wasted no time in racing off towards the sound. This time they managed to catch up to the Suvolte in a bend in the tunnel. They hadn't expected to find it so soon, and it was able to swing it's claws out towards them long before they had their own attack ready to go.

Buffy rolled below the claw and came up behind it, using the brief opportunity to slash into the back of the thing's leg with her machete, severing several tendons and ligaments. The beast howled in pain, spinning around to face the Slayer. The Winchester's took the chance to fire off two shots into the beasts back. It howled again, and leapt over the Slayer. The claw on it's leg caught her knee, delivering a deep gash to it as it retreated into the darkness. Dean blew past Buffy trying to stay hot on the demon's trail while Buffy was slower to get to her feet. She caught a look from Sam, obviously worried about the hit she took, and after she gave a reassuring nod the two of them ran to catch up to Dean.

As soon as they caught a glimpse of Dean, Buffy realized that he had fallen behind the Suvolte, and they were in danger of losing it again.

"Dean, bend down!" Buffy called out to the hunter, dropping the machete on the ground with a clatter.

Dean, knowing exactly what she was ready to do, stopped and bent over. He hated letting the demon get too far ahead of him, but the Slayer was about to close that gap real fast. Buffy placed her hands on Dean's back and flipped over him. Landing on her feet she took off running after the demon, not stopping to look back to see where the hunters were. Anyone watching her would have been completely unable to guess that she had recently taken a blow to her knee.

"Let's go!" Dean called back to Sam, grabbing the machete from his brother.

The brothers took off to catch up to the Slayer, but struggled to do so. She was fast, and she had a good lead on them. They could hear her shoe steps echoing through the tunnels, as well as the growl that denoted the demon. Soon the sounds of shoes were accompanied by the sounds of blows landing and outcries of pain, both human and demon. Dean shot a glance to Sam before pushing himself faster. Neither brother knew they could run as fast as they were right now to catch up. Finally they were able to catch up to the small blonde just in time to see her snap the demon's neck with a sickening crack.

With wide eyes Sam stuttered on his words, "wow, okay. Guess she didn't need back up after all…"

Dean had a grin plastered on his face and his eyes had lit up. It had been a long time since he had seen her in action, and it was amazing to see her move without being held back by devastating injuries. Even after seeing her fight in Purgatory for so long, it was still a sight to behold. God she was amazing.

"I think I got demon blood on my uniform," Buffy pouted as she turned to face the Winchesters.


	11. Two Different Worlds

Hello all! I would just like to say that I absolutely KILLED my midterm last weekend, and man did it feel good! Picture happy dances and celebrations and that was my mood haha. Have another slightly longer chapter, because who doesn't love Dean and Buffy spending time together!

Don't kill me for it coming to an end. There will be more. Promise.

Replies to reviews are at the bottom!

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><p><strong>Chapter Ten – Two Different Worlds<strong>

The sun was just started to rise as the three hunters piled into a booth of the corner diner. Buffy was sure she was going to have to explain to Dawn why she had been out all night, and she felt awful for not even calling. Thinking about it she realized that she was going to have a lot of explaining to do when she got home, and not just about being out all night. Telling the household that she walked out on the job wasn't going to be fun, and it was sure to cause nothing but stress. On top of that, she was going to have to explain why she had walked out in the first place. Which meant either telling them about Dean, or coming up with a lie.

That, however, was a problem for "Future Buffy." Right now, food was a major priority. Slaying always worked up an appetite, and it was nice to eat something that didn't come out of the 'Meat Palace. Hell, it was nice to eat food period. There hadn't been much of that around her house lately.

"Ya know, I thought that was going to be a much bigger battle," Sam marveled, sipping at his coffee.

Buffy shrugged, "I'm all for easy fights."

"Easy? Those demons take down whole armies in South America. I don't think 'easy' and 'Suvolte' go together," Sam was still blown away by the Slayer's strength and skill.

Growing up, Sam had always been taken by the legend of the Slayer, but had always thought it was just that, a legend. As much as he wanted the stories to be true, there was very little evidence of it within his dad's knowledge or hunter circles. Maybe they just didn't like the idea of a girl doing their job better than they could ever hope?

Either way, the Slayer was very much real, and she was more impressive than he could have ever hoped for. She could fight, that much was obvious, but it wasn't just that. She was cunning. She knew her place in the battle, and could suss out where she needed to be long before the opportunity arose. Her moves were smooth, calculated, and devastating, as though the fight had been choreographed. The Slayer was built for this life, and it showed in every movement she made. Slayers were all this, and beautiful to boot? To say Sam was impressed was an understatement. He was completely awestruck.

That, however, wasn't what had drawn Sam's attention. They thought he hadn't noticed, but it was Sam's job to notice the subtle hints and clues that go on around him. Buffy and his brother had been stealing glances at one another, making excuses to touch each other, and he had never seen Dean so silent while talking about a hunt. He could see the way that Dean had looked at the small blonde, like she was the only one in the room. Just as clearly he could see the way that Buffy felt nervous around Dean. This was one of the missing pieces to the puzzle of Purgatory, and it made many of Dean's stories and secrets make sense now. It was obvious to see what this girl meant to his brother, and it made Sam feel lighter just knowing that there was someone that could make his brother feel this way. Both of them had long written off the idea of finding a real love in this life. Dean needed this.

Dean laughed, "why do you think I called in a ringer?"

Buffy grinned happily at Dean as she munched on her toast. Her free hand found its way slowly over to Dean's knee, where she rested it just out of sight of Sam's eyes. Dean's eyes roamed over to hers, acknowledging her advance. He smiled as he placed his own hand on top of hers, gripping it gently. He was pretty sure he saw a light blush tint her cheeks as she returned to the conversation.

"Plus he knows not to hunt in my town," she teased, bumping him with her shoulder.

"Oh?" Sam looked quizzically at Dean, a touch of amusement in his voice.

Dean looked kinda sheepish, "ya, remember that story Cain used to tell? About the shotgun bending?" When Sam nodded he pointed at Buffy, "hunters have been kinda banned ever since."

Sam laughed whole-heartedly at that statement, "oh man. That was you! He had everyone convinced that some psycho demon chick had done that - that he had barely survived."

"So we're gonna be spreading that around like wildfire. Too good not to share," Dean joined in the laughter.

"Wait, how did you know it was because of Cain?" Buffy was confused.

Dean mentally kicked himself. He had to remember that she didn't know he knew everything he did. Dean knew Buffy better than she could ever know, and he had been particularly careful when they spoke on the phone. Being here, with her less than three feet from him, made it much harder to think straight. It was too easy to reveal the wrong information. He had to remember to stick to only the stories she had shared with him since she had been back, otherwise he risked ruining the memories that Cas had built.

"Oh, uh…" Dean tried to think quickly, "I guess I just figured that Cain had a run in with some strong chick in Sunnydale, and you banned hunters….I'd ban guys like Cain too."

Buffy seemed to accept his excuse and she returned to shoveling eggs happily into her mouth. Sam thought about making a comment about her appetite, but years of living with Jess had taught him better than that. It was interesting, though, to see a girl that was eating just as much as Dean. Especially a girl so tiny.

"Is that why this place wasn't in Dad's journal?"

Dean nodded, "that and, obviously, she doesn't need the help." He shot her another grin.

He stroked the back of her hand with his thumb as he spoke, to which she responded by turning her hand and interlacing her fingers with his. It all felt very high school to Dean, trying to hide these little moments and passes from Sam, like he was the father in this situation. Dean had never had situations like these in high school though. He never got to spend time with girls like this. Any kind of time spent was always at the school, and it was never for more than a couple of weeks. He had watched the other kids in school, always attached to their girlfriend or boyfriend, and even though he'd never admit it, it made him jealous. It was something that no matter what, he was never going to get to have. There were a lot of things that Dean missed out on growing up, and that was the least of them. Now he was realizing how wonderful those silly little passes could be like, now he knew what it felt like to be on the inside of it, and he was more than happy to savour it while it lasted.

If he was going to make innocent little passes like this, then Dean figured he may as well go all out. While Sam seemed to be lost in his own thoughts, Dean slid his leg towards Buffy's under the table, to which she locked her leg around his. If this had been Sam, Dean would have been relentless in his teasing, telling Sam to 'man up' and make a real move, but in this moment, Dean was more than happy with the contact they had made. He was more than happy to slowly slide closer to her in the booth so that they were sitting right up against one another.

It was stupid, it was childish, and it wasn't leading anywhere. It wasn't supposed to though, and that's what made it perfect. Dean would never admit it to anyone, but sitting in that booth with Buffy, making secret gestures, was better than most any other contact he'd had with a girl over the years. For once it really got to mean something. This girl was different. The rapid beating of his heart would attest to that. She had him all twisted up and he kinda felt like a chump, but it didn't seem to matter to Dean. For her, he didn't mind feeling like a chump.

For the time being, he just wanted to pretend he could have her.

Buffy couldn't help but smile at the little passes Dean was making. It reminded her of simpler times, before she was the Slayer, back when she was sixteen and still bright eyed. It reminded her of what it was like to just be a girl, one who was allowed to flirt and date and get butterflies in her stomach. It was nice to pretend that they still had their innocence and that this was all new and exciting. They were getting a feel for each other, and it was nice to just take the time to enjoy each other's company.

In all the time that they had been talking on the phone, Buffy felt like she had got a pretty good idea of what Dean was like. Based on that, she never would have expected him to be restrained in the moves he made. She expected him to be as brash in this respect as he was in the rest of his life. Guys like Dean tended to be very up front about what they wanted, and were no nonsense about it. She hated to make the comparison, really hated it, but she had almost expected a Parker-like approach. That was until she picked up on how nervous Dean was. It was surprising to Buffy that Dean would be nervous around her, but it was endearing. Plus, it was kinda fun, to go back to those innocent little moves from so long ago.

She was content pretending that as the Slayer, this was something she could have. She moved closer to him and gave his hand a little squeeze. Even if it was just for tonight, she was going to let herself be a normal girl. A normal girl with a crush, if that's what you could call it.

"I wonder how many cases we've missed here over the years," Sam wondered aloud finally.

"Well, we've had vengeance demons, ancient mummies, weird military experiments...like four or five apocalypses. Ya know, nothing I couldn't handle," Buffy said, thinking back over the years.

Sam looked impressed and didn't know what he wanted to ask about more. He wanted to pick her brain desperately. He wanted to know what she had faced; how she had faced it.

"Did an exorcism in high school," She grinned.

"Oh big deal, we do those at least once a week," Dean teased.

"Well aren't you special," she countered.

"I like to think so."

"What else?" Sam brought the conversation back, his eyes lit up like it was Christmas.

"Let her breathe Sam, geez," Dean said, only half joking.

Truth be told, he was curious too. She had shared stories in Purgatory sure, but he got the feeling that there were hundreds where those came from.

"It's all good," Buffy assured, "I dunno. We've had some weird stuff, and it never seems to slow down. Must be the hellmouth."

"Are there other hellmouths across the country?"

The brothers cast an expectant glance over to the Slayer. With her mouth full of hash browns, she looked between the two boys with wide eyes. She shrugged her shoulders and gave a shake of her head, indicating that she wasn't actually sure.

"If there are, you thinkin' that it could explain some of the hot spots we keep finding?" Dean asked, also shoveling a forkful of hash browns into his mouth.

Sam nodded, "it would make sense, wouldn't it? You'd figure there'd have to be more than one, right?"

"God I hope not!" Buffy exclaimed.

"One Slayer, one hellmouth. That would make sense too though," Sam thought out loud.

Buffy nodded, "well...except there's two of us."

"Two? Everything I've ever read said that the Slayer was 'one girl.' How are there two of you?" Sam was confused.

"Well, another one gets called when she, ya know...Considering she just came back from the dead, that concept isn't so strange," Dean reasoned.

"Oh, Faith was called long before that."

Dean took notice of that, and he could feel his heart constricting. His mouth went dry and he wasn't sure what to say. This was news that he was not expecting.

Sam noticed the change in his brother, but had to press forward to satisfy his own curiosity. "So that means..."

"Exactly what you're thinking, yup," Buffy confirmed.

That was something that she had never told him before. Dean couldn't help but wonder how, in all their time in Purgatory, that hadn't come up before. Maybe he didn't know her as well as he thought he did. Maybe she didn't trust him as much as he had thought. What had happened then to cause her to die? When did this happen?

"That must have come with some repercussions," Sam pried further.

Buffy contemplated that for a moment or two, "depends on what you call repercussions. Legend wise? None yet."

"What's she like, this other Slayer? Is she like you?" Sam continued.

"Gee Sam, I didn't know you were so into the Slayer legend. What gives?" Dean didn't want to hear anything more about this other Slayer, about Buffy being dead twice over. It was just too much.

Sam stopped, casting his glance downwards to his plate of breakfast, which was sure to be cold by now. It should have been a simple question to answer, but he couldn't bring himself to say anything. Secrets had been commonplace while the brothers were growing up, and even if they had made leaps and bounds in that department, there were still some things that were better kept quiet. Sam figured this was one of those things. Maybe one day he'd tell Dean about his obsession with Slayers, but today was not that day.

"Just curious," Sam tried to shrug it off and changed the subject swiftly. "So if it's not a 'one Slayer, one hellmouth' thing maybe there are other hellmouths."

"More than one Slayer or not, I really hope not. One is plenty."

Dean shrugged, "it'd make sense though. Don't worry, that's what hunters are for."

"I guess. I'm just glad there are good hunters out there. I didn't have a lot of faith in the ones I'd met over the years."

"I just wish the community knew about the Slayers," Sam lamented. "We could have been working together over the years."

"Would have been nice to have access to the information you guys have," Dean agreed.

"The Watchers aren't really a friendly bunch. I doubt they would have shared much anyways," Buffy shrugged.

"Maybe we can change that now?" Sam suggested.

"Would be nice to have another contact to call when somethin' weird shows up," Dean added.

Buffy nodded, "I bet there's plenty we can help each other with. You ever need anything, you just call."

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Time seemed to both fly by and stand still all at once. It seemed as though time had stood still as they sat there in that booth, letting them simply relish in one another. At the same time, however, it was suddenly later than they had expected, and it was far too soon that they had to part. They would have given anything to stay in that little booth a while longer. Dean just wanted more time with Buffy. Time they could pretend that they had normal lives, that they were just normal people. More time he could pretend he could have her. Buffy wasn't ready for Dean to leave yet. It was too soon. He had just got here and who knew when he'd get back again. Having him here was even better than she could have hoped for. For the first time since she crawled out of the grave she felt alive again. She could feel her heart beating. She could feel the blood coursing through her veins. She could feel the warmth. It was because of Dean.

When the bill came, Dean insisted that the brothers would pay. He convinced her that it was his way of saying thank you for her help. He tried to play it off as a joke, but it was one hundred percent true that they couldn't have done it without her. They had come in contact with the demon already, and it had been a bloody and messy mistake. Dean could still see a stiffness in Sam's shoulder where the beast had bit down on him, and the countless faces of the victims still popped into his mind throughout the day. They couldn't get close enough to take it's head off, they lacked the strength to snap it's neck like that, and bullets seemed to irritate it more than it hurt. The Slayer was probably the only way they could take the thing down. It was rare that the Winchesters would admit they needed help, but this was one of those times.

"Well, thanks for breakfast, but I should really get home. Dawn's gonna be worried," Buffy said, standing up from the table.

Dean marvelled at that statement. It was a sentiment that had become long foreign to the brothers. For Sam's whole life, there hadn't been a 'home' to return to. Since losing Bobby, there wasn't really anyone to worry about them either. They had been roped into this world by circumstances beyond their control, but it wasn't their destiny. They could have walked away. The life had let them out before, they could have stayed out. Of course, that was never even on their radar anymore. They chose to continue in this life. For it, they had everything they ever loved stripped away. Their reward was to never have a real home.

Then here's Buffy, the Slayer, the one fated to live this life. It was completely out of her control that she was who she was. Buffy didn't get a say in the matter, and even if she wanted to walk away, she didn't get to. Being the Slayer was all she had to look forward to. Even still, she had a home, and she had been there for almost her entire Slayer life. She had friends and a sister who would worry about her when she was out all night. They'd look for her if she didn't come home. They saved her from Purgatory when she died. For someone who battled the supernatural, that lived an unconventional life, it sure seemed like she had a relatively normal life.

They had the same life, but two different worlds.

"Would you like a ride home?" Sam offered.

"I'm good, thanks. It's not far from here."

"Oh c'mon. Least we could do. Do you really wanna walk home looking like…that?" Dean indicated the bright orange pants with not only the demon's blood, but her own as well, that had dried on.

Buffy looked down, "ah, I've worn worse. It'll be harder to explain to Dawn if she sees me get dropped off by two guys. She's been all on-edgy the last while, not really looking forward to another sister-battle royale."

"You sure?" Sam offered once more. "it's no hassle, really."

Sam had spent the entire night with Buffy and Dean, and he had never felt more like a third wheel than he had during this time. He pretended not to notice, but he could see the way the two of them looked at each other. He had seen them holding onto one another, and he was pretty sure they were playing footsies under the table. Driving her home may not have bought them a lot of time, but he figured any amount of extra time with her, Dean would be thrilled. Sam just wanted his brother to have a few more minutes with her; he just wanted to see Dean happy.

Buffy nodded, "thanks though."

"Alright. Well thanks again for the help. It was getting tiring, chasing this thing across the country," Sam smiled.

"I get it, you big manly men needed help of an itty-bitty girl like me," Buffy winked.

"Hey, hey now! That's just – "

"True?" Sam shot his brother a look of amusement.

Dean pouted as Buffy giggled.

"But seriously, anytime. I'm always up for a good fight," she smiled.

"Alright, well," Dean stopped, casting a glance at Sam.

Sam knew that look all too well, he had seen it a countless number of times over the years. Different girls and different cases, but the look was the same. Sam nodded and took the hint to wait in the car. He always had to wait in the car. This time though, he wasn't in the slightest bit annoyed or impatient about it. Seeing Dean with Buffy had been the first time in a long time he had seen Dean smile, like really smile. It had been before Purgatory even. So Sam was more than happy to give Dean some time with this mysterious little blonde.

"It was good to meet you, Buffy," Sam held his hand out for her to shake.

Buffy shook her head and threw her arms around Sam. He was caught off guard, but returned the embrace happily, bending down slightly to envelope her. She gave a little squeeze before tilting her head so she could whisper close to his ear.

"Keep him safe."

Sam nodded and gave her a smile as she pulled away from him. Sam waved as he headed off to the Impala. "Hope to see you again soon."

"You too, Sam. Take care."

Dean returned his gaze to Buffy, an awkward smile on his face.

"It was good to see you, Buff," Dean mumbled.

"You too, Dean. Really good. Even if I am dressed like a pylon," Buffy regarded her embarrassing outfit.

"Well, you're the cutest pylon I've ever seen," Dean winked.

Buffy laughed, "Thank you. I think."

Dean grinned, "god. It is so good to see you," he repeated.

"I know what you mean. How will we ever accept just a phone call again?"

Dean nodded his head, "I know, we've spoiled ourselves." Dean's voice fell quieter, with a different tone to it, "uh, thanks for, ya know, picking up when I do call."

"Well, thanks for calling," Buffy took a deep breath, "is it weird that those phone calls are actually kinda the best part of my day?"

She held her breath waiting for him to reply. It was a big gamble, admitting that out loud, and to his face no less. Her heart was pounding and she felt the anxiety already bubbling over. It felt like hours before he spoke, and it was killing her.

Dean felt a wash of relief hit him, "not at all. They're kind of the best part of my day, too. Otherwise all I got is Sam to talk to."

Buffy laughed, "well I'm glad they're able to offer some relief."

"More than you know," Dean replied. "I just wish I could do more for you."

"What do you mean?"

"You've been dealing with so much, and I hate knowing that you're on your own here," Dean said, a sadness in his voice.

"I'm not on my own. I have my friends. I have you."

Dean fought back the words that threatened to come spilling out. Buffy loved her friends - that was obvious. Her friends loved her, too. Throughout their phone calls, though, Dean had grown angrier and angrier with these friends. He could forgive the witchcraft. He could forgive the recklessness in bringing her back. He couldn't forgive the total disregard for her now that she was back. Couldn't they see she was suffocating? That she needed help? Why was it that the only person she felt she could talk to was someone that she barely knew? Someone who was miles away?

They may love her, but they weren't there for her, and that killed him.

Dean took a deep breath, "I guess I just wish I was here…" That was hard for him to admit.

Buffy nodded, "me too…"

The sadness in her eyes struck Dean like a knife straight through to his heart. She could pretend all she wanted that she was doing fine, but just being here was still a struggle. It had been a long time since the thoughts of telling her the whole truth had played in his mind, but here they were again. They were together right now. Maybe this was the best time to share the truth about Purgatory, when he was here to help. She wouldn't have to deal with whatever memories he triggered, not alone anyways.

He almost opened his mouth to speak, until he remembered what Cas had shown him. He remembered the nightmares he had been having himself. There was a chance that Cas was right, that she would break under the strain of Purgatory. Even the smallest chance that Cas was right was more than Dean was willing to risk. The chance she could hate Dean for helping with the lie existed too, but that he could deal with. He couldn't cause her harm though. That was too much. Dean decided to keep his mouth shut.

Buffy broke into his thoughts, "I should really get back, though. I'm already gonna catch hell."

She didn't want to go. Not at all. If she had her way, they would be able to stay here like this all day. They'd spend the day just being normal people. Go for a walk. Spend the day at the beach. Sit in the park. Curl up under the stars. Anything. As long as they were together. If it was up to her, neither of them would ever have to leave this moment.

It wasn't up to her, though. It never was. She was the Slayer. She was a big sister. Nothing she did was ever completely her choice. She had to come back to reality, and the reality was that she had to go home, and Dean had to head off to the next case. That was how it would always be. No matter what, that was the life they were bound to. Any kind of life that they could ever build together would be just like that. Forever. What kinda life was that, really?

"I bet, you've been gone all night and you walked out on your job," Dean pretended to scold, "very irresponsible of you, Ms. Summers."

"I know, it's just terrible."

"Whatever are we going to do with you?"

Buffy looked thoughtful for a moment, "well…maybe something like this…"

As they had been speaking the two had been slowly drifting towards each other, and Buffy figured she should take advantage of the close position they found themselves in. If she couldn't have all the time she wanted with him, she may as well make the most of it. Buffy licked her lips and went up on her tip toes to bring her face closer to his. When he didn't move away from her she chanced a look up to his eyes. She had expected to find him pulling away, or with a look of confusion or indifference to be in his eyes. Instead she found a look of longing behind his eyes as he stared at her lips.

She smiled briefly before bringing her lips to his. The feeling of her lips on his was enough to send shockwaves through Dean's body. They were even softer than he had imagined in all his dreams, and he could feel her smiling through the kiss. It didn't take Dean long to move into the kiss, drawing his arms up around her waist and pulling her in closer. The feeling of his strong hands on the small of her back made her melt, and she could feel her knees weaken. Dean was intoxicated by the smell of brown sugar and vanilla that seemed to surround the girl.

It was as though the world stopped spinning for that brief moment.

When they finally parted, their lips hovered near one another's for a moment or two. Neither one of them were ready to break the moment, neither one wanted to move away first. If it had been up to them, they probably would have stayed in this position indefinitely. The problem with that was that Buffy had to get back to Dawn, and Dean had to hit the road again.

"Wow," she breathed finally, a flushed look on her face.

Dean fought to find his words once more, "I don't think that qualifies as a punishment." _When in doubt, crack a joke. It was the Dean Winchester way._

Dean looked back at her lips, sorely tempted to kiss her again, when his phone started to ring. He grumbled some profanity while he grabbed for his phone. He was about to hit 'ignore' until he saw it was Garth calling. As much as he hated to admit it, with Bobby gone this was a call he needed to deal with.

Just not right now. He hit 'ignore' anyways, knowing he could call him back in the car. He slid his phone back into his pocket before reaching out and grabbing both of her hands with his, desperate for any sort of contact to remain. He knew that the phone call meant it was time to go, but he wasn't quite ready to let go just yet.

"Guess it's time for you to go, huh?" Buffy sulked.

"Guess so. The road beckons," Dean nodded, also sulking a bit, keeping her hands tight in his.

Buffy sighed, "alright. Well, drive safe, okay?"

Dean nodded, "of course. Always do."

"And call me next time you stop?"

The first night that Dean had been in town Buffy had got the feeling that he had left a girl in each town he had visited. She knew him better now, and she felt like no matter what, she didn't fall into that category. Her heart was screaming at her to get a grip, that he had been in the moment just as she was. That she wasn't just another girl in another town. It was still hard to ignore that thought that she would never hear from him again.

The look on Buffy's face told him that she was more than just slightly afraid that he wouldn't be calling. That look told him that she was used to that kinda deal. How a guy could ever give a girl like her the cold shoulder was beyond him. It was a signature Dean Winchester move, but this time there was not a chance of that happening. She was not like any of the other girls he had met on cases. This was the first time it was hard to leave her behind. Hell, he'd take her with him right now if he could.

"Promise."

Buffy smiled again, "good. Take care, Dean Winchester."

"Take care, Buffy Summers," Dean returned. He wished he had something better to say.

Buffy stood another minute, wanting to take advantage of every second she had left with Dean. She knew that she had to let go, though. He had his own cases to return to, and she was sure that Dawn was staring out the front door waiting for her. Buffy was sure she had a decent number of missed calls waiting for her on her cell. It was a wonderful vacation while it lasted, but they both had to get back to the reality of their lives.

She could feel her heart splitting, but she had to be strong right now. Even though she would give anything to prolong this moment, she had to let go. She took a deep breath and let her hands slip out of his. The slump in his shoulders told her that he was feeling just as disappointed as she was. One last long look at Dean, to take in as many details as possible, and she had to force herself to walk away. If she didn't walk away now, she may never do so. Or she may do something crazy like asking him to stay. Or even crazier and go with them.

Buffy hated him leaving. Hated knowing that she had to return to her normal hum-drum life, if you could call the life of the Slayer hum-drum anyways. It felt like a tease, having one night to spend time with him. Seeing him again, in person, after talking like they had been showed her something. She was crazy about this guy. Of course she knew that before, but it was like seeing him in person put it all into context. He was more than just a voice on a phone, and he was here. He was here, and he was drawn to her just as she was drawn to him. She had seen it in his eyes, sensed it in his touch, and felt it in that kiss.

Buffy couldn't imagine those phone calls that had been her solace over the last few months feeling the same now. These phone calls had been her sanity. They had been holding her together. As wonderful as they were she couldn't help but feel that they would feel inadequate now. Even still, she would look forward to that next phone call. She would wait for the next time she got to see Dean again, and she hoped it was for something other than a hunt. It wasn't the phone calls, after all, that had been her comfort. It was Dean.

Dean was the one that had helped her. It was more than just his voice that could comfort her, it was just him. He didn't even have to do anything, just being here had made all the difference. Having Dean here had been enough to make her feel alive again. She could finally feel her heart beating again. Buffy had been desperate to feel anything for so long. She had that fire back. She had her drive back. Dean had helped restart not only her heart, but her life too.

Buffy risked a look back over her shoulder, and she hated herself for it instantly. He was despondently watching her walk away, and it broke her heart to see that look on his face. It was dangerous, seeing a beautiful face like Dean's looking so sad. Buffy paused, struggling to force herself to keep walking. A quick internal struggle was easily won out by one side, and she quickly ran back to where Dean was standing, his boot kicking up some dust as he stood there. When she reached him she threw her arms around his neck and planted another kiss on his lips. He had obviously been caught off guard, but was quick to respond. He grabbed onto her tightly, holding onto her like she was his world. In this moment, she was.

Buffy broke the kiss off first, placing a finger on his lips, signalling him not to speak. Not to say a word. If he had spoken, all of Buffy's resolve to walk away would have been ruined. Even one word from his mouth would have destroyed her now. It was taking every bit of her strength to stop herself from crying at this point. She felt almost a little silly. This was a guy that she had only known since she had come back from the dead, but that's not how it felt. She couldn't explain it, but Buffy honestly felt like she had been meant to find him. Like she was connected to him. Buffy felt like she had known him for a lifetime.

Her finger stayed on his lips as she silently prepared herself to walk away again. Why did this have to be so hard? Dean looked at her quizzically throughout this time, his green eyes practically begging her to stay, but he remained silent. Tears threatened to spill from her eyes, so she knew it was time. She took a couple of steps backwards before spinning on her heels and walking off. This time she stayed committed to keeping her eyes forwards. She couldn't let his beautiful eyes pull her back again. She walked away, but with every bit of her, she wished she didn't have to.

She wished he could stay.

Dean watched the blonde walk away for a second time, her kiss still lingering on his lips. A kiss was the last thing he had expected when he rolled into town, but it was the perfect way to wrap up a case. He got to see her, got to talk to her, and he got to kiss her. If he knew while he was in Purgatory that things would unfold this way, he would have held onto her hand a whole lot tighter. Logic told him that he couldn't have held on any tighter, but right now he was convinced that he could have. Even though he knew that there was nothing more he could have done, right now he was sure that he would have fought harder to bring her through with him. He would have done anything to ensure he had more time with her, and again he found his anger for Cas' decision boiling in his blood.

Sunnydale was a dangerous town, that he had figured out through her stories, and now firsthand. Dean knew that the Slayer could handle herself, but he still found himself worrying about her here. For once though, he found himself glad that she lived on the hellmouth. Dean was sure that it was the hellmouth that had drawn the Suvolte demon here. Without that, he wasn't sure when he would have been able to make it to town to see her. He had been grateful when the dancing demon had shown up to lighten the mood, and now he was kinda glad that a vicious devil spawn had made it's way here. It may not have been the most romantic reason to come visit, but he'd take what he could get.

Dean stood there, watching the blonde walk away until he couldn't see her anymore. He didn't know how it was possible, but even in that atrocious orange get up, she was still the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. That smell of brown sugar and vanilla still enveloped his jacket, and he hoped that it would for a long time to come. Seeing her like this, eating breakfast with her like it was a daily occurrence, was by far the best gift a guy like Dean could have received. That little blonde felt like the sunshine in his world of darkness. He had never found it hard to leave a town after a hunt, this was a first for him. He couldn't help but feel like he was leaving his heart behind, just like he had the first time. It made it so much harder for him to leave town.

He hated leaving again.

* * *

><p>AN 2:

Backgammon - I'm so glad you're still enjoying it! I'm sorry, there's no real meeting yet. That's kinda...a ways away...terribly sorry! You're just gonna have to stick around for that ;-) There are plans for books and Giles and Sam and some stuff with Willow and Dawn and Xander and even Andrew one day. Trust me. It's going to magnificent.

Pantherfan16 - Awe thank you my dear! You're so lovely! Sorry there was no meeting yet, but I assure you that there's gonna be the day where they do meet...and it will be glorious!

LoneButterfly - Of course that's what she'd be upset about. Buffy's got her priorities right, dontcha know! When it comes to the Spuffy relationship I've made it a point to leave it kinda vague in the story so that people can make their own conclusions. I'm a huge Spuffy shipper so I had a hard time making it 100% clear that there's nothing going on. That being said, I kinda make hints to them being drinkin' buddies briefly, so that's kinda the direction I intended.

PhnixPoetic - Awe thank you! That's so lovely! I hope you enjoyed this chapter too!


	12. Private Hell

**Chapter Eleven – Private Hell **

"Buffy?" Willow's voice called from the kitchen.

"Yeah, it's me Will!" Buffy replied, kicking her shoes off at the front door.

Buffy knew that staying out all night without so much as a phone call would mean she'd catch hell when she finally did return home. Despite that, she had hoped that she may get to the reprieve of her shower before the lecture started. At least it was just Willow, and not Dawn, that had greeted her so far. Dawn was likely to be the angry one, whereas Willow would just be glad that she was okay. Buffy supposed that it came from the extra years that Willow had on Dawn, more years spent knowing the Slayer would be out late. It certainly wasn't the family connection that drove Dawn to be more vocal about her worry, as Willow was just as much her sister as Dawn.

"Where were you!?" A shrill voice yelled.

_Damnit._

Buffy walked back towards the kitchen to find Willow sitting at the kitchen island, and Dawn standing with her arms crossed. Willow cast an apologetic glance towards Buffy, knowing full well the wrath that the small brunette was about to unleash.

"Dawn, I'm sorry. I got caught up with a patrol," Buffy spoke with a light tone, hoping to diffuse the fight that was likely to start.

"Buffy, there's blood on you. Are you okay?" Willow said, taking note of the mix of blood on her clothes.

Buffy looked down at the stains, "yeah, I'm good. A little gash on my knee, nothing to worry about."

Willow smiled in relief, "good. Did you get whatever it was?"

"Yup. Demon is history."

"You could have called!" Dawn interjected.

"I know, I should have. It was dangerous, and I didn't want to lose the trail. There just wasn't time," Buffy said apologetically.

"I called your cellphone like, fifty times. Was it even on?"

"You know it was," Buffy tried to reason, "I was stuck down in the sewers. It's not like they have their own service tower down there."

"Whatever, I'm going to school," Dawn rolled her eyes before grabbing her backpack off the chair and storming out of the room.

Buffy shifted her gaze to Willow who was looking at her with sympathy. Both women flinched as the front door slammed.

"She'll be okay, Buffy. She just worries about you, you know that," Willow reassured.

"I know. I just hate when she's mad at me..."

Willow gave Buffy a playful accusatory look, "I wasn't going to say this while Dawn was here, no reason to add more fuel to the fire…"

Buffy was confused, "say what?"

"You smell like boy!" Willow grinned slyly.

"No I don't!" Buffy could only hope she wasn't blushing.

Willow continued to stare at her, a grin on her face. _Damnit again._

Buffy slumped with defeat, "okay, yes I do."

"What boy? Boy I know? Boy to have the lusty wrong feelings about?"

Buffy wasn't ready to share about Dean yet. As much as she'd love to gush about the hot-as-all-hell hunter that she found herself enamoured with. As much as she wanted to talk about how great of a kisser he was, and wanted to share in the joy he had helped her find…she couldn't. Not yet, anyways. Buffy had always planned to tell her friends about the two brothers who helped clear Sunnydale after she was brought back from the dead. The longer she kept it a secret, however, the harder it became to share. It felt like it was almost too late now, but she didn't want to lie to Willow, either.

"No, not a boy you know." Buffy paused, "but definitely with the lusty wrong feelings," she added with a grin.

"Do I get to know anything else?"

Here was the perfect opportunity to tell the truth, at least with Willow. Willow was the one person that she felt wouldn't turn all judgey like the rest. She was the one person that Buffy felt like she could be totally honest with about this. Was she ready to explain how long she had known this guy? Was she really ready to give up the one thing that was only hers?

Buffy thought a moment, "not yet. Is that okay?"

Willow looked disappointed, but nodded anyways. "I get it, not ready to share the mystery guy."

"Well considering my track record…"

Willow giggled, "totally fair." A serious tone took over her voice, "so were you on patrol at all?"

Buffy nodded, "yes, I promise. He came into town tracking a demon and needed help."

"He fights demons?"

"He's a hunter. A good one. Not a chauvinistic jerk."

"Good. Last thing we need around here is another Cain," Willow said, scornfully. "What kinda demon?"

"Uh...Suvolte? Something like that."

Willow pulled a face, "a big nasty."

"You've heard of 'em?"

Willow nodded, "I've seen bits about them in books over the years. They're brutal and vicious. I'm glad you're okay."

Buffy nodded in agreement, "me too. Hey Will, I think I'm gonna pop through the shower. I've been at work, followed by some sewers, followed by demon blood. I know you can smell boy on me, but all I smell is icky."

"Sure, okay. I'm off to classes soon anyways, so the house will be quiet if you wanna get some sleep," Willow smiled.

Buffy turned to leave the kitchen, eager to get the uniform off and to feel the hot water as it spilled over her skin. A hot shower could undo all the badness of the last twelve or so hours. It would give her the chance to relish in the goodness that had happened, too. Buffy was more than happy to get to bed shortly thereafter. Nothing like pulling a double shift at the DoubleMeat Palace before spending all night on a demon chase to make a girl tired.

"Buffy?"

She stopped and turned to face her best friend again, "Hm?"

"At least tell me this, is he a hottie?"

Buffy smiled widely, "I'm pretty sure he could melt fire."

Willow, now alone in the kitchen smiled to herself. It had been a long time since Buffy had a boy. Her track record wasn't stellar, but Willow would always remain hopeful. Slayer or not, she was sure that there was someone out there for her best friend. Someone who wouldn't go off the deep end and try to murder her friends. Someone who wouldn't use her as a one night stand. Someone who wouldn't bail when things ended up being less than perfect. Someone who could keep up with her in the slaying world that she wouldn't have to protect. Someone who would finally see her for how truly wonderful and amazing she was. Someone that could see beyond the crazy supernatural world and see just Buffy. Maybe this mysterious hot hunter-boy would finally be this person.

"A hottie for Buffy," Willow mused to herself, sipping on her tea.

ӁӁӁ

There was something so soothing about a hot steamy shower after a long night, and it seemed that no matter how terrible Buffy felt before, it was always washed away. She had heard the front door close, which meant that Willow had gone to class, and Buffy had the house to herself. It was a rare moment of peace, and one that she was not willing to waste. It seemed like this house was always bustling with people, and for once it was quiet.

As the hot water ran through her hair, Buffy forgot all about the smell from the DoubleMeat Palace. The pain in her knee was quickly relaxed, and soon the less than pleasant images from the hunt were spiraling down the drain along with the blood and dirt that had coated her skin. Soon all that remained of the previous night were the thoughts of Dean.

After months of phone calls and wishing that she could see him it finally happened. Buffy finally got to see him again, spend time with him, touch him. She got to make sure he was real, like really real. That night when he had first come into her backyard, Buffy had been unsure of him, and if she was being honest, she had been afraid. She didn't know who this man was, and how he had found her. She didn't know why he was there and what his intentions were. After just facing down a demon that had tried to drag her back to the afterlife, Buffy had been feeling rather skittish. After getting to know him, after seeing how amazing he was, she wanted another chance at a 'first' meeting.

Of course this would only come to her by way of a demon hunt. That was her life, wasn't it? Though she supposed that she should be grateful for that fact. If this wasn't her life, she probably would have never met Dean. He wouldn't have shown up at her work, either. It may not have been the visit she had been wishing for, but damnit was it ever worth it.

Buffy couldn't remember the last time she felt as at ease as she did right now. Dean did that. That visit with Dean did more to help her heal than any amount of talking on the phone ever could, and vastly more than any amount of drinking could do. Buffy practically shuddered as she thought about the sheer number of bottles and flasks that she had finished with Spike over the last couple of months. That was something that never made it into the phone calls with Dean; she was more ashamed of those nights than she could even convey. If she hadn't been so wrapped up with the liquid comfort, she may have noticed that Willow was drowning. Dawn wouldn't have been left alone so many nights, prompting her overreaction about Buffy being out all night long. Buffy drank because she couldn't cope with the pain that was bottling up in her system. She drank because she had felt like Spike was the only one reaching out to her. She drank because what else could she do?

That ended now. She was grateful for her friendship with Spike, but it wasn't helping anything. Her friendship with Dean was what was really helping her; she saw that now. There was no respite to be found at the bottom of a flask; no healing could come from wallowing in the darkness. Her relief was coming from Dean, coming from the strength that he was helping her to find again. He didn't push her to be "okay." He didn't treat her like glass. He didn't expect her to handle everything perfectly. He was just there. He listened. He understood. Dean helped Buffy find that human part of her again. She had crawled out of the grave months ago, but it finally felt like she was alive again. It was time to be Buffy again.

The shower off now, Buffy cozied into a set of plush pajamas and snuggled into bed. Just outside of her window she could hear birds chirping and the sounds of people beginning their day. The sun streamed through her curtains, but that never bothered her. Unusual sleep patterns were nothing new by now, and after everything sinking into bed was just what she needed. Buffy's gaze shifted towards her nightstand where Mr. Gordo was sitting, ever vigilant. Perhaps she was too old for stuffies, and perhaps as a Slayer she should have outgrown him long ago, but she loved her stuffed pig. It was that little piece of her childhood that she could hold onto, even if she wasn't entirely sure when or from whom she had acquired it. Underneath Mr. Gordo was that novel, One Hundred Years of Something-Or-Other, the one that she swore she'd finish one day. She grinned as she could see the small slip of paper that was home to Dean's phone number. A warm feeling started in her heart as she thought about when he had given it to her. The sly look in his eyes, the tone of his voice. Buffy couldn't believe that the thought of throwing it out had ever existed.

Her phone was resting on her nightstand as well, a soft light blinking letting her know that it was charging. She reached out for it, checking to see if she had missed anything while in the shower. Dean had been gone no more than a couple of hours, it was unlikely that he had called already, but she had to look. Even though it was logical that there would be no missed calls from Dean, she was still dismayed to see the empty phone. The idea of calling him played through her head, but she dismissed it quickly. He had just left, after all. What kind of crazy chick calls that soon? Buffy would just wait for Dean to call like he said he would. He would call, of that she was sure. After everything, there was no way he would shrug her off now, right? Any doubt that may have existed in Buffy's mind was erased with the image of Dean's face as she walked away. She could feel her heart splitting in that moment, but she could see that same feeling in his eyes. Buffy pulled her phone towards her, tucking it under her pillow so that, if he did call that day, she wouldn't miss it.

Buffy drifted into sleep effortlessly, a content smile playing at her lips. She slept heavily that day, and for the first time in a long while, her sleep was also restful. It was not plagued by nightmares of her coffin, or of being dragged back to the dead, or even the fall through that portal. There was no twisted forest that she couldn't recognize, and there were no disturbing demons to yank her out of sleep. There was just Dean and those beautiful green eyes.

ӁӁӁ

_There was nothing they could do to fix this. Buffy the vampire Slayer couldn't do anything, Buffy the bridesmaid couldn't do anything, even just plain old Buffy Summers couldn't do anything._

_She had never felt more useless._

_"They were supposed to be my light at the end of the tunnel. I guess they were a train," Buffy wept._

_If these two couldn't make it work in this crazy world, then what chance did she stand? These were two people who were perfect for each other. Two people who just fit together. Guess love on the hellmouth really was doomed._

_"Why did this happen?" Dawn asked._

_"I don't know," Willow answered the small brunette. "I feel like I should be hating Xander. But I can't. I just...I just hope he's okay."_

_"I wonder where he is," Dawn added wistfully._

ӁӁӁ

"Good morning?" Dean answered the phone groggily, rubbing his eyes absentmindedly.

"Hi Dean…" her voice cracked under the strain, hoarse from crying.

He sat up abruptly, "Buffy? What's wrong?"

'_What if I'm still there? What if I never left that clinic?'_

"Rough night," Buffy knew that was a massive understatement, "I didn't know what else to do, so I called you..."

"What happened? Are you okay?"

Buffy remained silent a moment, "I woke you up, didn't I?"

Dean shook his head, "doesn't matter. Talk to me, you're startin' to scare me Buff."

He had never heard this tone of voice come from her. There was more defeat and despair in her voice than he had ever wanted to hear from her. There was a pit forming in his stomach as he waited for her to respond, and she sounded further away now than she ever had.

'_Your sister, your friends, all of those people you created in Sunnydale, they aren't as comforting as they once were. Are they? They're coming apart.'_

Buffy sighed, "coming down off of hallucinations thanks to a nasty demon attack. I guess I'm still trying to regain my footing."

"Djinn?" That Dean understood better than anybody.

"No, a gargle-something or other."

"What happened?"

Buffy thought back over what had happened the last couple of days. That demon had made a mess of her mind, and it was already pretty messy to begin with. Before she was simply struggling to separate herself from the mess of coming back from the dead, whereas now the lines were blurred between reality and that institution. Everything had been so real, so convincing, that nothing anyone had said could change her state. The antidote had worked in the end, and she knew where she was now, but she couldn't help but wonder. What if she actually was in that institution still? What if the demon had shown her the truth, and not a false world? What if none of this was real?

'_Cause what's more real? A sick girl in an institution? Or some kind of super girl, chosen to fight demons and save the world. That's ridiculous.'_

She supposed it didn't matter, she had made her choice. No matter what the truth was, Buffy had turned her back on that other world and chosen this world instead. She had chosen her friends. Sure it was after she tried to kill them, but she did choose them in the end. Even if this wasn't the real world, all she cared about was here. She loved her friends more than anything else. The idea of not being the Slayer anymore was alluring, but it meant turning her back on the life she had built here. Having her Mother and her Father meant not having Dawn. It had been a struggle, but she had made her choice. Buffy didn't regret it for a second. She couldn't ever regret it.

She had chosen Willow. Dawn. Xander. Giles. Dean. She had chosen them. No matter what, she always would.

'_It's not going to be easy, Buffy. You have to take it one step at a time. You have to start ridding your mind of those things that support your hallucination. You understand? There are things in that world you cling to. For your delusion they're safe holds, but for your mind, they're traps. We have to break those down.'_

Still didn't mean she could talk about it. How could she ever explain what had happened? How could she describe how lost she had felt to someone who hadn't experienced it? Trying to explain why it had felt so real would be impossible. She wasn't even sure what words to use to try to make sense of it all. Buffy had called because she needed to hear Dean's voice, but now that she had she wasn't sure what to say. Maybe she didn't have to say anything.

Buffy sighed, "I guess I just wanted to check in with you. Hear your voice. Prove you were real. I dunno. I-I shouldn't have called. I'm sorry for waking you." Buffy pulled away to hang up the phone until she heard Dean's voice.

"Wait! Don't hang up," Dean paused, "you still there?"

"Mhm," Buffy nodded.

Dean breathed a sigh of relief, "good. You don't wanna talk about it, fine. We can talk about something else."

"I don't even know how to explain any of it," Buffy bit back a sob.

"You don't have to, Buffy. I just want you to be okay," Dean soothed.

"No one understands. What if you don't either?" Her voice was small and distant.

"I'll listen anyways. Or we can talk about something else. Whatever you want, Buffy, just let me help."

She had told Willow the truth, and it hadn't changed the way her best friend regarded her. So far nothing about her life had managed to scare Dean. There was nothing stopping her from sharing other than her own shame and insecurities.

"This demon, it-it poisoned me. Made me think things that aren't true. At least I don't think they were true…" Buffy took a deep breath, "it made it seem as though this world wasn't real, that it was just in my head."

"I've had to come back from living in a Djinn's world, I know what it's like to doubt what's real," Dean offered, hoping to put her at ease.

"It tried to trap me in the other world, the one where I was sick, where I wasn't the Slayer. When I was first called as the Slayer, I was scared Dean, so scared," her voice began to tremble. "I spent some time in a mental hospital, and it tried to make me think I was still there."

Flashes of attacking her friends came back into Buffy's head. God, how could she have ever done that to them? How could she have ever thought she created them in her head? She was ashamed that she had attacked them, and it made her heart ache. They had forgiven her, without hesitation. No matter what world was real, that right there was enough to tell Buffy she had made the right decision in choosing this reality. Her friends loved her, unconditionally.

"The other world told me that it was my friends that held me here, in the hallucination," she continued. "I had to break down what trapped me…"

"Are they okay?" Dean had remained quiet to allow her to speak, but now he had to cut in.

Buffy nodded, "they are. God, I could have killed them."

"We're real, Buffy. I'm real. That other world, it's – "

Buffy interjected, "I know. I know. It's just…it was convincing. It doesn't matter though, what's real and what isn't. I made my choice."

"You chose your friends."

"I chose them. And you," Buffy affirmed. "I guess that's why I called. Hearing your voice kinda…anchors me."

Dean smiled sleepily through the phone. She chose this world and he was part of that decision. She chose him. A silence fell between the two of them while Buffy let the weight of her words sit on Dean. Dean couldn't find words to express his thoughts, but let the warmth of hers spread across him.

Finally Buffy broke the silence.

"You didn't call," Buffy spoke solidly, but her voice still had a mournful tone to it.

Dean squeezed his eyes closed. He knew he hadn't called her. He had been so set on calling her to prove that he would. It wasn't that he didn't want to call her, he just hadn't had the chance yet. Garth had sent them on another case immediately, and cases had been piling up ever since. After a while he was just so embarrassed and ashamed that he hadn't called that it had gotten much too hard to do so. The guilt that he felt for failing to call was overwhelming. Dean hoped that she wasn't hurt that he hadn't. He had already decided that she had seen enough hurt to last a lifetime, and he didn't want to be added to that list.

"I didn't. God I'm so sorry, Buffy. I wanted to – "

"Lemme guess, a case came up?"

"I know it's a shitty excuse, but ya. Sam and I have been on the go almost non-stop since we left Sunnydale," Dean grimaced.

"It's okay, Dean. I get it. Really," Buffy forced a smile.

Dean could feel the forced smile through the phone, but he did feel like she was being honest.

"Slayer, remember?" She added on. "Why so many cases? Something big going down?"

Dean shook his head, "I don't think so. Our numbers have been cut over the years, so there's less of us to take care of stuff."

"I know that feeling," she said, a sadness in her voice.

"I bet you do, Buff."

"So what kinda cases have you had lately?"

"We're in Wyoming on our way to a suspected Serket case right now. Nothing exciting, sorry."

"Causalities?"

"Several," Dean sounded ashamed, "but we're gonna stop it as soon as we get there."

"I know you will."

ӁӁӁ

"The answer is no."

"Dean, I would not be asking if it was not important," Cas tried to reason with the obstinate hunter.

Dean kept his arms crossed as he leaned back against his Impala. He didn't care if it was important or not, there was no way he was doing anything for the angels anymore. Both Dean and Sam were so over angel crap.

"It's always important with you guys, Cas, but we're done with all your bullshit," Dean spat.

"Yeah, man. I'm sorry, but every time we do anything for you or for the angels, we get burned," Sam shrugged apologetically.

"This is bigger than your own feelings! If we fail to act now, the whole world is in danger!" Cas bellowed, sick of the attitude he was receiving.

After everything he had done for the Winchester brothers, Cas was incensed that they would turn their back on him now. He had bent the rules time and time again, even broken them, all to aid them in their mission. He had turned his back on his brothers and sisters to protect them. How dare they deny him his request?

"What's so big about some stone slabs anyways?" Dean asked.

Cas shifted his gaze to Dean, "it was written by God himself. It must be protected at all costs. It cannot fall into the wrong hands."

His words were heavy, but Dean refused to show any sort of reaction. These angels needed to learn how to handle things on their own again, and Dean was tired of being their whipping boy.

"What's written on them?" Sam was starting to take interest in what Cas was saying, regardless of Dean's feelings.

Sensing that the Winchester's were beginning to realize how high the stakes really were, he decided to provide more information on the situation.

"Regrettably, I do not know exactly what is printed on them but – "

Dean scoffed, "great. It could be his grocery list for all we know."

Cas shot him a sharp look that could have wilted even the strongest resolve before continuing to speak to Sam, and Sam alone. "I do know that the demons are looking for them as well. Crowley is looking for them."

Hearing Crowley's name perked Dean's interest, though he tried to conceal that from Cas. Sam was less interested in hiding his concern, which was quickly etched on his face.

"I do not know what Crowley wants with them, nor do I know if even he is aware of what the tablets hold. It does not matter. Crowley cannot be allowed to reach them. The tablets must be returned to heaven, where they can be guarded from the wrong hands."

"Where can we start?" Sam asked, deciding that this was as important as Cas had stated.

ӁӁӁ

"What the hell is happening in that town of yours, Slayer?" Dean tried to joke to mask his concern, but every word dripped with it.

Silence rang back, bringing worry even closer to the surface of Dean's words. He had hoped a lighter take to the conversation would make this conversation easier, but the silence he received worried him.

The last couple of days had seen radio silence from Sunnydale. It was a short break, but enough for Dean to take notice. Then when he heard whisperings from demons and hunters alike about some great power emerging in Sunnydale, a concern had risen in his gut. There wasn't much circulating in the community, but what he had heard he certainly didn't like. Whatever it was, it was big. End of the world big, and it was enough to overwhelm Buffy.

Now that he was speaking to Buffy again he felt more at ease, but her hesitation to tell him what had happened kept him on edge. There was something wrong in her town, something that she didn't want to share. So much had happened lately that he couldn't even imagine what would be bad enough for this. With everything she had shared with him, it had to be something pretty horrifying to cause her to hesitate to tell him.

"Willow."

Buffy was tired. God she was tired. In the last what, 60 hours? She had been shot, Tara had died, Willow killed Warren, they found out Anya is a vengeance demon again, Giles came back, and Willow tried to end the world. She was past trying to lie about what happened. She was past trying to avoid it. She couldn't do it anymore. Buffy just wanted to be able to breathe again.

"The witch?"

"Don't call her that," Buffy tried to be firm, but all things considered it seemed to be an apt description. She hated that.

"Sorry. I know she's your friend, that wasn't fair. What happened?"

"God, that's a loaded question right now. It's all just so messed up."

There was so much that had led up to this result that it was impossible to pinpoint the exact moment everything went wrong. There were so many signs that were missed or ignored over the last year. There were a countless number of events that could have changed everything if they had done something differently. One change in the path could have prevented everything. Buffy knew what it was that finally caused the levee to break, and she had a bloodied reminder of it sitting, crumpled up on the floor of her bathroom, a hole torn through it.

"Warren, he…he was finally tired of his game of cat-and-house. He shot me," Buffy sighed. She went to continue her story but was cut off immediately.

"What!? Are you okay?"

That was a strange question to answer right now, all things considered. There was no mark to act as evidence of what had happened. No soreness to remind her of where the bullet had struck. Physically she was fine. The damage done had been entirely psychological this time. A lot had been taken away in a short while. It wasn't Buffy that was paying the price though, and that was perhaps the hardest part of this all.

"Yeah, yeah I'm good," Buffy couldn't believe that it was the smallest part of her story, "Will managed to save me. Before she…" Buffy trailed off.

"Before what?" Dean pushed.

"Before she lost it," Buffy finally admitted out loud, "before she went…dark."

"What, like Evil Willow?"

"Tara was shot too. She uh, she didn't -" Buffy said, in her small voice again.

Dean remembered seeing the redhead sitting with a mousy brunette girl. It didn't take a genius to see how much the two girls loved each other. Dean could only imagine how the witch was feeling, after losing the one she loved. Just the thought of Buffy being shot had been enough to stop his heart, and he knew she was okay. He hadn't actually lost Buffy and he was already ready to tear the bastard who shot her into pieces. The witch had actually lost the girl she loved. Dean knew what that could do to a person. If she had the power to rip Buffy out of Purgatory, when even an angel couldn't, Dean feared what else she had the power to do. Cas had assured him that she wasn't a threat, but he was wrong. Maybe he hadn't seen this coming, maybe it had never meant to be.

"She went off the deep end, didn't she?"

Hearing those words struck her right to her very core. Buffy hated that something as horrible as that was true, it was correct, especially about her Will. This was Willow they were talking about. Little, sweet, quiet, bookworm Willow. The Willow who had kept her grounded all these years. That had picked up the pieces when the rest of them fell apart. The strong foundation of their group.

"Yeah, you could say that," Buffy tried to stop her lower lip from trembling. "There was a flaying. An attempt to end the world. It got scary for a while."

"Is she…"

"She's fine. Well, she's alive anyways. Giles, he uh, he took her off to England to some coven. Kinda like a witch-rehab or something I guess."

Buffy's heart hurt just thinking about the amount of pain and agony Willow must have been feeling to allow herself to get so lost. It had all been too much, and it had twisted her and broken her spirit. There was no way to know that the Willow that she knew was still in there. If she even came back from this coven, there was a chance that she wouldn't be Willow anymore. At least, not her Willow. That thought was more than Buffy could bear.

The exhaustion in her voice struck Dean. He hadn't heard her sound this exhausted since Purgatory. Everything she had said so far should have been dripping with emotion, but it was all just…flat. Buffy sounded completely done. She sounded empty and done.

"So she's still alive, and you stopped the world from ending. May be tough to call it a win, but I'd say it still counts," he tried to assure her.

"It wasn't me," she said simply.

"What wasn't?"

"I didn't stop it. I wasn't enough; I couldn't even touch her."

"So what stopped her then?"

"Xander," the pride in Buffy's voice was obvious, and it was the first hint of emotion he had heard. "He got to her in time. He tapped in to whatever part of her was still Willow. He saved the world."

There were tears in her eyes as she spoke, but they weren't tears of sorrow this time. Xander stopping Willow was the only sign they had that she was in there somewhere. It wasn't much to go on, but it would keep them going for now.

"Wow, the Slayer didn't save the world this time?" Dean was skeptical.

"I actually spent the apocalypse trapped in a pit fighting skeletons with my little sister. Not really the dignified battle that I'm used to," Buffy laughed, finally.

She hadn't laughed in days, not since before everything in the crescendo with Warren. It wasn't a real laugh, not quite anyways. It was the laugh of a person who didn't know how to cope anymore. It was the laugh of a crazy person. It didn't matter, she figured, she was just grateful that she was finally able to feel a little lighter. It was nice, even for a minute, to set aside the hell that had gone on in Sunnydale. Just a minute without worrying about Willow, without thinking about Tara.

Oh god, Tara. Buffy couldn't even think about her right now. To know they lost Tara was enough to break her heart all over again. Tara was sweet and loving, and the embodiment of everything that was good in the world. She never deserved to be caught up in the darkness of the Slayer world, and she certainly never deserved to die like that. Without her, the world was a little bit darker now. Tara was one of them, she was family, and she had failed to keep Tara safe.

She had to stop obsessing over it. At least for now. Right now she needed Dean. She needed his voice and his comfort and to have a moment that was her own. A moment without the doom and gloom. She may not deserve it, not after everything that happened, but her own sanity required it.

All Dean wanted to do was bask in the sound of her laughter. It was a sound that he missed while he was on the road, and he was pretty sure it was his favorite part of their phone calls. There was something about it that was able to break through whatever shit he had been dealing with, and bring him back to her. It was a sound that he would never get enough of. Dean knew that it would take more than a single moment of laughter to fix this mess, but it was a start.

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><p>AN: Hello readers! I just wanted to take the chance to reply to your wonderful comments: 

NicoleR85 - Thank you my dear! I hope this was soon enough ;-) I do apologize for the sporadic updates - university is a cruel mistress.

Sweetie420 - Awe, well that gives me the warm fuzzies. I'm glad you enjoyed it! This slow pace is all going to pay off, I promise you. Maybe not immediatly, but it is gonna explode in the third installment. Awe! Thank you so much dear! It means a lot that people are enjoying this, and that's what keeps me going is words like that! You're all so wonderful!

HolyCowsAndFlyingPigs - Oh man I'm so glad you enjoyed it though! I took my time to make sure we had them kicking some ass, because let's be honest that's what would happen, but also bantering (again, totally what would happen), but then the long awaited adorableness and ooey gooey love stuff.  
>Oh dearie no! I assure you we still have about 5 chapters to go. I was more going for "please don't kill me for making Dean leave so soon!" However, I have started getting the next step ready to go, and I do have a rough idea of what's gonna happen and all that. There's gonna be a big bad, the rest of the Scoobies finally get some screen time, and there is gonna be way more BuffyDean contact =) I can't say much else, but I am so so excited to get that show on the road. It'll make this whole installment here make sense, and make it totally worth it too!. As far as titles go, I haven't made a solid decision yet, mostly because I keep wafting back and forth. By the time I finish Shadows of California I should have a decision made and will make sure to include it in an author's note chapter just like last time =)  
>You are such a doll and I can't wait to bring you more! I actually have WAY too many ideas planned for this crossover, like way way too many, and can't wait to share 'em all!<p>

LoneButterfly05 - Why thank you! I figured the drinking buddies was the way to go so that I didn't completely disregard the relationship they did have and yet still make it work with the Buffy/Dean relationship. It's not a huge topic to be covered, but it will come up once or twice in the future =)

Alex - Awe thank you! Definitely bittersweet. I wish these two could be together already! Alas, it doesn't work quite yet, but it will soon! Oh those two are gonna be friends for sure in the future. I have some great moments planned for those two when they do get to spend time together. There's a lot of Buffy/Sam shippers out there, and not without good reason. There's a lot in common there, and I think that's gonna be a good starting ground. Don't take that the wrong way though, there is no love connection here, on either side. Sam is not pining away for Buffy! Haha. There's gonna be a great bond though that I'm really excited to explore.  
>Oh yes, yes yes yes. Spike is still all crazy about her for sure, so there's gonna be some interesting stuff coming with him soon. I still need him to go off and get a soul, after all, so there needs to be a reason (and without the awfulness of that bathroom scene...that still breaks my heart to this day). Dean is gonna play a HUGE role in that...somehow ;-)<p> 


	13. Drive All Night

Oh my goodness I am so sorry for how long this has gone without an update! I had zero intention of letting that happen, which is why there was no warning of a hiatus. In all reality, I shouldn't have been working on this at all right now either =(

Between school getting crazy as finals draw near and some personal stuff happening, writing kinda fell by the wayside. I apologize for that and I hope that my regular readers are still here =(

I also apologize for this chapter. It is by far the weakest chapter I have written and I feel awful for that. Please forgive me =( The rest will be better, I promise. I just needed this to be done with. It is hard to write happy fluffy romantic stuff when you yourself are feeling less than happy, fluffy romantic...

My aim is to post another chapter in the next couple of days, and it is already much stronger than this one.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Twelve – Drive All Night<strong>

"Well that was fun," Buffy moaned, pulling herself up off the ground.

She looked around quickly, but it was in vain. The vampire was long gone by now, leaving Buffy standing alone in the cemetery. Her hand moved up to check if her forehead was bleeding. She flinched at the pain, and her shoulders sunk as she came away with bloody fingers. That should have been an easy takedown, but somehow the vampire had managed to get the upper hand and it had wasted no time in slamming her down into the closest tombstone. It hadn't knocked her out, but it certainly took Buffy a minute or two to get the air back into her lungs. That was all it took for the vampire to get away.

That was embarrassing and she was pretty sure she wasn't telling anyone that story.

He was the fifth vampire she had seen tonight, and this had been a slow night compared to the rest of the week. Ever since the explosion of power that Willow had caused the things that went bump in the night seemed to be stirring more than normal. Buffy had assumed that with the nerd-herd disbanded and with the world saved again that maybe she'd get a chance to breathe for a bit. There was no time for rest on the hellmouth, though, and she should have known better than that. This spike in activity meant that, as much as she'd like to head home and clean out the gash on her forehead, she had to continue on with her patrol.

Buffy paused to wipe more of the blood off that had been trickling down her face, scooped up the wooden stake that had gone AWOL during the last tussle, and then headed off in hopes of finding a vampire that wouldn't manage to get away. She didn't make it far before she could sense something watching her. The feeling of eyes on her was unmistakable and it made her uneasy. Her pace slowed as she worked to pinpoint which direction whatever was watching her was in. Finally she found it, but it was too late. A set of arms came down strongly around her chest, pinning her arms tight. She leaned back against her assailant, lifting her feet slightly off the ground, before rocking forwards, sending the assailant soaring over her body, releasing her. She moved swiftly to plunge the stake into the vampire's heart, leaving nothing but a pile of dust at her feet.

"Well done," a familiar voice sounded behind her.

Buffy spun around, a wide smile breaking out across her face.

"What are you doing here!?" She exclaimed as she bounded across the open grass.

"Really, that's the greeting I get?" Dean asked, matching her smile.

Her arms were thrown around Dean's neck as soon as she reached him, nuzzling her face into the crook between his neck and his shoulders. His arms moved to wrap around her small waist, lifting her up off the ground. Coming back down to her feet, Buffy had to give her head a slight shake. She couldn't believe that he was really here, and so soon. Of course it had felt like an eternity since he was here last, but that didn't change the fact that he had been here only a month or so ago. This couldn't be good.

"You look worried," Dean's voice interrupted Buffy's thoughts.

"Hm? Oh," Buffy replied, "I just can't help but wonder what brought you here this time."

Dean smiled, "you."

"What?"

"Don't act so shocked," Dean teased.

"I was just expecting it to be some big ugly you were tracking or something," Buffy admitted.

"Well, that is partly true. Sam and I were on our way to a case in Oregon. I may or may not have swung it so we kinda sorta passed by," Dean's eyes glinted with mischief as he spoke. "We stopped at a motel a few towns over."

"Where is Sam?" Buffy took a glance around, but Sam was nowhere to be seen.

"Back at the motel. Asleep. As long as I'm back before he wakes up, he'll be none the wiser."

"Dean Winchester, did you sneak out and drive all the way out here just to see me?"

Dean nodded, "and I'd do it again."

"So how long do you have?"

"Not long," Dean looked at his phone and winced, "couple of hours."

"I still have another cemetery or two to check out," Buffy pouted, wishing there was anything better that the two of them could be doing.

"Well lead the way, sweetheart," Dean nodded, holding out his arm for her to grab onto.

Buffy giggled, "you're gonna patrol with me?"

"Well I'm certainly not going to leave."

Buffy smiled gratefully as she looped her arm around Dean's.

Finding nothing in the current cemetery, the two of them headed back out to the street. It took quite some time, but Buffy managed to convince him that walking would be better. He wasn't sure what her aversion to driving around was, but he figured it wasn't worth arguing about too much. It was a gorgeous night, and he was walking with a beautiful girl, what could be so wrong with that?

"Why so heavy on the patrolling lately?" Dean asked, strolling next to the small blonde.

Every time he had checked in with her the last week or so she had been patrolling. She had been out every night rather than the twice a week that he was used to hearing about. His fear was that she was using it as a distraction from everything that was going on. He wasn't about to call her on it, but he felt that after everything she would let him know the truth. Though, he did hope this wasn't the case.

Buffy shrugged, "there's been a huge spike in activity ever since... Well since Willow. Guess the baddies can still sense that charge that she left behind."

There was more to it than that, Dean was certain, but it was a start. It was definitely true, too. He had felt a shift in the air as he drove into town, and it was enough to make the hair on his neck stand up on end.

"I can feel it too," Dean agreed. He paused a moment before asking the question he had been waiting to ask since he arrived, "have you heard from her?"

"No," Buffy shook her head, "not a word."

Dean shot her a sympathetic look, "I'm sure she's just fine, Buff."

"I hope you're right. I miss my friend, Dean. I just hope she's still the person that I'm missing."

Dean wanted to say something encouraging. He wanted to tell her that everything was going to be okay. With every fibre of his being he wanted to tell her that her friend still existed; that she could come back from this. The truth was, though, that Dean didn't know any of that. After everything he'd heard, it was hard to imagine any sort of possibility that she could come back from the dark. He'd never tell Buffy that, though. He couldn't be the one to shatter whatever hope the Slayer was still holding onto.

Dean came to the conclusion that there were no words that could accurately fill this silence. Instead he opted to slip his arm around her slender waist and pull her closer to him. It didn't seem like much, but it did do exactly what he hoped for. The worry was still playing on her face, but a smile spread broke out as well as she leaned into him.

ӁӁӁ

Buffy had hoped that the change of scenery would yield some results. She knew that there were plenty of vamps lurking around town lately, and she was really hoping that she'd be able to put them down before they caused too much havoc. So far, the second cemetery was proving to be a bust as well.

"Sorry for the totally lame outing," Buffy said, trying to hide the disappointment in her voice.

"Lame? I don't know about you, but the company has been awesome," Dean smiled.

Buffy laughed, "that was pretty cheesy. I dunno, I guess I was hoping we'd get some action."

"I thought a quiet night meant good things?"

"I guess," Buffy replied, scuffing her shoe through the dirt in front of her.

"Then what's up?"

"The truth?"

Dean nodded, "usually what I'm looking for."

Buffy shrugged, "I guess I'm just feeling antsy. Like I need to do more. Burn some energy."

"This wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that you weren't the one to save the world this time?"

"Nooooo…."

"Yeeesssss?"

Buffy's shoulders slumped, "Maybe. I just wanna make up for how much I screwed it up."

"You didn't screw up Buffy. You did everything you could," Dean assured her.

"I didn't help my friend, Dean. I let it get that bad," she averted her gaze as she spoke. "I could have helped her."

"Maybe, maybe not," Dean tried to be encouraging, "you had your own stuff going on. You can't fix everything." Even Dean knew how hypocritical that statement was.

"Maybe you're right, but that doesn't change how restless I've felt," Buffy shook out her hands as she spoke.

Dean stopped walking and spun her back to face him. He planted his foot behind him for support, "alright. Let's go."

Buffy was caught off guard and completely confused, "huh?"

"You and me. Let's spar."

Buffy burst out laughing until she realized that Dean wasn't laughing with her.

"Oh! You're not serious are you?"

"Why not?" Dean winked, "afraid you can't take me?"

"Hardly. More like I'm afraid to hurt you," Buffy countered.

"Have to actually touch me to hurt me," Dean teased.

Dean shot his hand out, jabbing towards her side. Buffy grabbed his hand effortlessly and delivered a playful slap to Dean's cheek.

"That your best shot?" Buffy taunted.

Dean took another lazy attempt to make contact with her, easily being thwarted again. This earned him a slap on the other cheek. Buffy's grin had changed from unsure to a rather saucy one. Dean grinned as he realized that she was getting into it now. He attempted a one-two punch, which Buffy dodged easily. As she dodged his attacks he swung his leg out, aiming to knock her off balance.

He succeeded, and Buffy slumped to the ground. It was a brief moment of victory as she quickly flipped back up onto her feet to deliver a roundhouse kick. It was obvious to Dean that she was holding back, that she was moving slower than she normally would, but that was not the aim of this exchange. He wanted her to work off the pent up feelings. He wanted her to tire herself out. He wanted her to finally feel better. The aim hadn't been to injure her, or even come close to that, but if that's what it would take to get to her to take off the kid gloves, then so be it. Dean delivered a strong punch to her face. He hated to risk any sort of damage to that pretty face so he was pretty sure it hurt him more than it did her.

That feeling was confirmed with how quickly she recovered from his blow. The expression on her face was much darker than he had seen outside of Purgatory. He figured that meant he was finally getting her to take this seriously.

Buffy looked at Dean, "you're sure you wanna do this?"

"Oh I'm sure sweetheart," Dean was sure he was going to regret this decision, but if it helped her blow off some of this steam then it'd be worth it.

The regret came to him much sooner than he had anticipated; it came immediately. This roundhouse kick came with much more force than he was expecting, and it was enough to knock him off of his feet. Dean tried to get back up, but struggled to catch his breath. Buffy patiently waited for him to stand back up before delivering a strong jab to his ribs. He staggered back again, but kept himself upright. Buffy went for another hit but this time Dean was able to dodge the incoming fist. He used his hand to deflect the follow up attack and used this time to catch her in her gut.

"Now that's more like it," Dean puffed.

"About time you got a hit in," Buffy said with an impish grin.

Dean grinned back before kicked his leg out and wrapping it around hers, effectively knocking her off balance. Buffy fought to maintain her stability, but for all her strength the fact remained that Dean was both bigger and heavier than she was. His body weight alone was enough to prevent her from regaining her stance. She would have hit the ground if Dean wasn't holding onto her arms as well.

"I thought you wanted to spar?" Buffy said, arching her eyebrow as she spoke.

Dean tilted her further back ensuring that there was no way she would be able to get the upper hand again. When he was convinced that she was completely at his mercy, Dean leaned down and kissed her deeply. She moaned against his lips as she sunk into his hold, no longer fighting to free herself. With his hands on her arms he could feel the shivers moving through her system and relished in it. Dean loved that he could elicit that sort of response from her. She did the same to him, as his shivers matched hers completely.

Dean pulled himself away, pulling Buffy back up to her feet. She swayed a bit as she regained her balance.

"This seemed like more fun," Dean said huskily.

"You're not wrong," Buffy breathed, "does that mean we're done with this silly sparring thing?"

"It wasn't silly - "

The look on Buffy's face told Dean that she had started to pick up on the real reason he had suggested this. Even as he suggested it, Dean knew that Buffy wouldn't think he had suggested this just for fun.

Buffy interrupted his words, "you came here to check on me, didn't you?"

Dean thought about creating a cover story, but he knew there wasn't any point anyways. She was onto him, and it wasn't worth lying about. He worried about her, there was no denying that, and after everything that had been happening he had every reason to check in on her, and he would keep reminding himself of that.

"Well…I mean...I just wanted to make sure you were okay. That's all I ever want, Buffy," Dean stammered as he tried to explain.

Buffy looked at Dean as he stumbled through his words. He was expecting her to be mad at him, but she couldn't really figure out why. How could she ever be mad at Dean for caring enough about her to drive all this way? She had to admit, it was kind of nice to have someone recognize that she has just as hard of a time as anyone when tragedy strikes. Buffy couldn't help but wonder what had happened in his life to make him hesitant to admit that he wanted to help. She couldn't fix that, whatever it was, but she could show him that with her it was different. With a sly smile she reached up on the tip of her toes to give Dean a quick peck.

"This is exactly what I needed."

"What sparring?" He said as he breathed a sigh of relief.

This was something that was new to Dean. Checking in on Sammy was second nature and in that case he didn't care how Sam felt about it. Other than that, there was no one else he had ever felt the need to check on so he didn't really know how this all worked. He was scared that she would see it as stifling, or take it as he didn't believe that he could take care of herself. She wasn't mad and he had made the right call.

Buffy shook her head, "you."

"Ya big sap," Dean said, giving her a playful shove on her shoulder.

"Well ain't this cute?"

The two of them spun around to find where the voice had come from. What they found was a small pack of vampires that had come up behind them. So far tonight Buffy had been knocked to the ground, lost a vamp, and now had some vamps sneak up behind her. She couldn't help but feel embarrassed by the amount of rookie mistakes she had made tonight. She was way off her game.

"Oh so you came back? That was stupid," Buffy said, trying to cover the surprise of be crept up on.

"Came back?" Dean asked.

"I ran into this one not long before you showed up. He ran away!"

"You ran away from the Slayer?" One of the vampires asked.

"Dude it's the Slayer. You'd run too!" The blonde vampire exclaimed.

"No need to get all defensive," the third vampire chimed in.

"Just thought since you're our leader and all that you'd be braver," the first vampire said.

"Shut up Justin, you're just mad 'cause they voted me as leader," the blonde vampire replied.

The discussion was broken up by a stake soaring through the air, plunging into the third vampire's heart and turning him to dust. The small group all turned to face Dean, who still had his hand out after throwing the stake. Buffy shot him a curious look.

"What? I was bored," Dean shrugged, grinning from ear to ear.

Buffy laughed before launching herself at the now smaller group of vampires. She delivered a quick kick to the blonde vampire, the one she had lost earlier. His head snapped back as her foot made contact with his jaw. Dean took his opportunity to engage the last remaining vampire.

After all the mistakes she had made tonight, Buffy wasn't willing to let this battle wage on any longer than it needed to. She had no time for quips or puns and wanted to waste no time with the vampire that had eluded her earlier. Buffy was quick to take the upper hand and had the vampire on the defensive immediately. He got a couple solid shots in, but nothing that was able to slow her down.

She had heard Dean finish off the vampire he had taken on and was about to finish off hers too. She had tossed the vampire hard to the ground and was standing over him, grinning to herself. Grabbing for her stake her eye grew wide. It should have been in her pocket inside her jacket, but it was no longer there. The vampire, recognizing her moment of panic, acted fast kicking her back and flipping onto his feet. He picked her up easily and tossed her aside. She landed in a heap on the grass and struggled to regain her breath.

Dean had been watching, waiting for her to finish off the last vampire. He had taken a casual lean against a tree nearby to watch the fight. He wasn't sure what had happened and it had all happened so fast that by the time Dean had realized that something was wrong it was too late. Buffy was slumped on the ground and the vampire was descending on her quickly. Dean raced towards the muddle, ready to help. His hands clamped down on the vampire's shoulders and spun him away.

"Alright, playtime's over bud," Dean said, hoping to keep the vampire's attention on him.

"I think I'd rather play with the Slayer," the vampire smirked, "imagine the respect I'd get for baggin' a Slayer."

The vampire turned to head back to the small blonde, but Dean was quick to prevent his retreat. Dean delivered a kick to the back of the vampire's knee, dropping it to the ground. Dean was quick to finish what Buffy had started, turning the vampire to dust at his feet.

"Buffy you okay?" Dean called over as he dusted himself off.

When no response came to him, Dean ran full-tilt over to where he had seen her hit the ground. He was relieved to see her sitting upright. That meant she was at least conscious, and after the hit she took, that was more than she had expected.

"Well, vamp is history. You good to go?"

Again she didn't respond. The worry that something had happened to her returned full force, and Dean felt a pit form in his stomach. He started to be able to hear a hitch in her breath, and he could see her form shaking gently. She was trying not to cry, and Dean knew it had to be about something other than the hit she had taken.

"Buffy? What's wrong?"

"I haven't been here in so long…" she spoke, her voice sounding brittle.

"Where?" Dean followed her eye line towards the tombstone. All he needed to see was the last name "Fordham" to understand. This was her friend.

"Ford's buried here?"

"He is. I haven't been here since that night…"

Suddenly something clicked for Dean. They hadn't talked about the story behind Ford; all Dean knew was that he had chosen to be a vampire. At the time Dean hadn't realized what that meant. With the context of him being buried in Sunnydale came a new clarity. She had put him down after he turned. Whatever had brought them to that point, Buffy had been the one to end it all.

"You had to stake him after he turned, didn't you?"

She nodded her head slowly, her eyes still tracing the lettering on the tombstone, "Giles and I waited here for hours. I sat here, knowing what he was going to become. Knowing that I was going to have to…"

He was the first one to criticize anyone for having sympathy for these monsters, but for once Dean had nothing to say. That was a situation that no one should have to be put in.

"It's just been a while since I thought about him," Buffy explained, the guilt clear in her voice.

"Doesn't mean you cared about him any less. He knows that, ya know?" Dean offered.

Dean knew that guilty feeling all too well; it was one that followed him everywhere. There were so many people that he had lost over the years, people he loved, but he didn't think about them anymore. It wasn't because he stopped caring, it was because it was just too much. He figured it was the same for Buffy. She had buried a countless number of people too.

"Wait. How did you know Ford was a…"

Buffy was confused. She was sure that she had never mentioned him to Dean. In fact, Ford wasn't someone she talked about anymore at all. It had just gotten to be too much to think about him.

"Oh, uh," Dean floundered.

Why couldn't he learn to control his mouth when he was around her? On the phone it was so easy to remember what she had said in Purgatory and what she had said since then. Being around her kept blurring those lines and it was dangerous. Dean figured that was why Cas wanted him nowhere near Buffy. He was starting to realize that Cas might have been right. Not that he'd ever give him that satisfaction. No way. Dean could rescue this moment, he had to, if for no other reason than to prove Cas wrong.

"You mentioned him once, just in passing. It was a while ago now," Dean mentally rolled his eyes. That was the lamest cover he could have come up with.

"I did?" Buffy asked, her nose scrunching as she tried to remember.

Dean nodded, "yup. Said something about how it was a real turning point for you as a Slayer."

Buffy thought for a moment which caused Dean to start to sweat. This may not be enough to shatter the walls that Cas had built, but it could be enough to chip at them. No matter what happened with those built memories, it was certainly enough to break down the trust she had in him if she didn't believe him. His worry was ceased when Buffy gave a casual shrug of her shoulders.

"I guess that just means we talk way too much if I can't even remember what stories I've told you."

"I don't think we talk enough," Dean said quietly.

"What was that?" Buffy inquired.

"I said we don't talk enough," Dean said louder.

"Dean we talk several times a week. Nearly every day!" Buffy laughed.

Dean shrugged, "and I still hate hanging up every time."

ӁӁӁ

After the heartbreaking discovery of Ford's grave, it was an easy decision to pack it in for the night. Buffy had taken down several vampires in her patrol and she had burned off some energy. She was spent. This time she put up no fight over Dean driving her home instead of walking.

The drive back to the small house on Revello drive was silent, save for the music playing through the Impala's speakers. As the car rolled through the dark streets, Dean couldn't help but cast a glance over to the passenger seat of his car. He could see her face in the reflection on his window, and he smiled at how beautiful this simple moment truly was. Buffy's eyes were following the streetlights that they were passing, casting moving shadows across her face. She hadn't realized he was watching her just as much as he was watching the road, and that suited him just fine. He just wanted to bask in how perfect she looked in that seat.

The reflection of her face in the window indicated that she had realized he was watching her. Or she had known all along and now she was acknowledging it. Either way, she locked eyes with him through the window and smiled. She turned back to face him and placed a kiss on his cheek. Dean pulled her into him, wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

If only every drive could be spent with her leaned on his shoulder.

When he parked the car in front of the house, Buffy felt a slight slump in Dean's shoulder. Neither of them wanted to get out of the car, and both would have been just fine with sitting there another hour or so. They would have been just fine going inside together too, if they were being honest.

Alas, Dean knew that Sammy would be pretty grumpy if he woke up and Dean wasn't there. Likewise, Buffy knew Dawn would have a mouthful for her. In fact, she could see her little sister peeking out through the curtains looking for her already. Buffy always thought that when she was an adult she'd be able to do what she wanted. So much for that.

"C'mon. Let's get you inside," Dean said, rubbing her shoulder.

"Or we could just keep driving? I've heard Canada is actually quite nice," Buffy suggested, really only half kidding.

"C'mon Buff. You should get some sleep."

Buffy pouted, "okay…"

Buffy slipped out of the car, dragging her feet up her walkway. Dean jogged to catch up, placing his hand on her lower back.

"You're really walking me to my door?"

Dean smiled, "a gentleman always walks his date to the door."

"Does a gentleman kiss on the first date?"

Dean's response was to place his hand on her jawline, fingers lacing slightly through her hair. He pulled her towards himself and kissed her.

Just as Buffy started to move into the kiss, Dean's phone started to ring.

Dean groaned as he broke away from Buffy. Sam's name was displayed on his phone's screen which could only mean that he had awoken to find himself alone in the motel room and was either worried sick or completely pissed. Sam was the only person that he would be willing to answer this phone for right now.

Buffy listened to Dean's side of the phone call, smiling as Dean assured his brother that he was fine and that he would be back soon. This moment was all too familiar to Buffy and she couldn't help but be amused listening to Sam give his brother shit.

Once he hung up the phone, Dean turned to Buffy with an apologetic expression.

Buffy nodded, "it's okay, I get it. I'm surprised my phone isn't ringing too."

"I'm sorry I have to go already," Dean said dejectedly.

"Goodnight, Dean."

"Night Buff. I'll make it back soon. I promise."

"I'll hold ya to that," Buffy smiled.

Dean kissed her again, "and this time I'll actually call."

"You better," Buffy said with a playful glare.

Dean waited until he heard Buffy lock the door before leaving the front step. He headed back to his Impala, a bounce in his step. A couple of hours together was better than nothing, and it seemed like everything was looking up as he made his departure. It was nice to leave on a high note for once. As he reached his baby, a scowl stretched across his face.

"Get your undead ass off my car," Dean growled.

The platinum-blonde vampire smirked as he threw his cigarette to the ground. With a mock-apology, Spike stood up to meet Dean as he drew nearer.

"What do you want?" Dean asked.

"I remember you," Spike replied, his voice filled with amusement.

"Congratulations?" Dean wasn't sure what the vampire was angling for, but he wasn't prepared to put up with it for long.

"You were here before, weren't you? Checking on the lil' bit?"

Dean nodded, "yeah, that was me. Is that a problem?"

"Well that depends on just who the fuck you really are," Spike snarled, baring his fangs.

"Oh put those away, you can't touch me anyways," Dean rolled his eyes.

Spike let the comment roll off of his shoulders and continued, "what the hell do you want with 'em?"

"Told you before, Buffy sent me to check on her little sister. I was a friend then and I'm a friend now."

"I've thought about that. You never did tell me how she sent you from the dead," Spike pushed on.

"I don't have to listen to this shit," Dean grabbed onto the vampire and shoved him aside.

Out of instinct Spike threw out a fist, landing a hard blow to Dean's nose. Much to both of their surprise, Dean was the only one to cry out in pain.

"What the hell?"

"I thought you couldn't hit humans," Dean asked, trying to cover his panic.

"I can hit dead things. Guess I can hit you just like I can Buffy. Start talking mate, or I rip your fucking throat out," Spike said, a new menace in his voice and a smile playing at his lips.

Dean knew enough about William the Bloody to be concerned if the chip wasn't working. He had done some research after meeting Spike the first time. He had taken down two Slayers in his time, and he had caused more chaos alone than most nests ever did together. Dean was a good hunter, a good fighter, but he wasn't sure he could take Spike down if he needed to. Against all his personal feelings, Dean figured he didn't have a lot of options.

"Okay, I'll tell you the truth, but you don't breathe a word of this to anyone. Not even Buffy."

"We'll see about that. Talk."

Dean sighed, "look, that tale she tells about Heaven? Isn't exactly true. When she died she ended up in Purgatory. With me."

Not really believing Dean's words Spike started to question him, "and how'd that happen, mate?"

"My guess? That portal she jumped through sent her straight there," Dean shrugged, not sure of the actual answer.

"If you're lying to me – " Spike threatened.

"I wish I was."

"And she doesn't – "

"No, and she can't. Angel bullshit, it's a whole thing," Dean sighed.

"Angels are real?" Spike asked, lighting up another cigarette.

Dean nodded, "yup. So we good?"

Spike shrugged his shoulders.

"Good enough," Dean said, heading around to his door.

"So Purgatory is actually real?"

Dean nodded again, "and it's just as bad as you think."

Spike watched as Dean drove off. He wasn't completely sure if he bought the story the hunter had told him, but for now that was all he could do. If Purgatory was actually real, if angels were real, then he couldn't afford not to believe him. The simple existence of that place altered the way Spike viewed his world. He always figured when he finally died, when he was finally nothing but dust, he would simply cease to exist. He knew that wasn't true now. Not one monster existed that didn't fear Purgatory.

Beyond that, he had spent years trying to be the man that Buffy would want, would love. He watched as she loved that stupid git that put the hunk of metal in his skull, thinking that's what she wanted. Now, after watching her with the hunter he knew what she wanted. He understood. The way he was now, she would never see him as anything beyond a monster. Spike knew that she would choose this hunter over him.

It was time for a change. Spike knew something had to change. He had to change.

ӁӁӁ

It took the brothers just over a day to drive to Oregon, and most of it was spent listening to the lecture that Sam had stored up for him. It was moments like these that made Dean question who was actually the big brother in this family. He was more than happy to listen to it though. He'd listen to his brother any day, as long as he didn't stop talking to him.

Sam wasn't actually mad, anyways. Once Sam found out that Dean had gone to see Buffy he understood completely. As soon as the case was wrapped up Sam practically forced Dean to call Buffy. Sam had remembered when Dean had been too busy to call her the last time. The whole time Dean had been cranky as hell, and he was sure that Buffy had been disappointed in the radio silence. There was no way this was happening again.

"Look, I'm calling!" Dean chuckled when Buffy picked up the phone.

"You know I didn't actually care that you didn't, right?"

"I know, but I wanted to prove to you that I would call."

Buffy laughed, "well I'm glad to hear from you."

"So, how's things?" Dean asked.

"It's only been a week, Dean. Nothing's really changed."

"That's good though, right?"

"I guess. How about you? How was the case?"

"Total bust. Nothing supernatural at all in the end," Dean shrugged.

"Oh. Anything new and exciting?"

"Not really."

A silence started to hang in the air with both of them realizing that for the first time in a long time they really had nothing to say. It hadn't been long since he had been in town, and nothing had really happened for either of them. If they didn't know better, they'd almost think they lived boring lives. Both searched their minds for something to say.

Before the silence could become too heavy, Buffy spoke up.

"I had a dream about you last night, you know," Buffy said suggestively.

"Oh did you now?" Dean replied, a grin spreading across his face. He did a quick look around to make sure that Sam was out of earshot before returning to the phone, "what kinda trouble did we get up to?"

"You ate my hat."

Dean wilted instantly, "not exactly what I had in mind."

Buffy giggled coyly, "I bet not. Good thing I was just kidding then, huh?"

"Oh were you?"

"Mhmm," Buffy breathed, her voice taking on a sultry quality to it, "our sparring that night ended much differently this time."

Dean laughed slightly, "now that's more like it. What else?"

Buffy hummed lightly as she thought about what other details to reveal, "well the rest you'll just have to wait for."

Dean could practically hear the wink in her voice as she spoke. Even when it was in a good way, this girl was maddening. Must be a special Buffy talent he figured.

"You know you're killin' me here," Dean sighed.

"Guess you'll just have to come back again one day," she smiled, "just to see plain ol' me."

"Trust me, sweetheart, there is nothing plain about you," Dean flirted.

"Maybe sooner rather than later, especially now that things seem to be in a bit of a lull."

"A lull huh? Really?"

"Seems like. Nothing's really happened since you left. My patrols have been completely uneventful."

"So what's next then?" Dean asked.

"Honestly? I don't know. Still no word from Willow or Giles, Xander's still kinda trying to pull himself together, I don't know where the hell Spike is, and Dawn's starting high school at the end of the summer. The house has never felt so empty, but I feel like I can breathe again finally. I'm kinda getting some me time."

"Sounds like you might be catching, what is it that normal people get, a break?"

"I think so. Maybe I can finally pull a real life together," Buffy smiled.

ӁӁӁ

"_And that's where we're going..."_

_The form turned to The Master, grinning sadistically, "...right back to the beginning. Not the Bang... not the Word... the true beginning. The next few months are going to be quite a ride. And I think we're all going to learn something about ourselves in the process. You'll learn you're a pathetic schmuck, if it hasn't sunk in already. Look at you. Trying to do what's right, just like her. You still don't get it. It's not about right, not about wrong..."_

_Buffy stood in the same place now, a sick grin on her face, "…It's about power."_

* * *

><p>AN: I know the scene between Dean and Spike leaves a lot of questions, especially since we all know what he's off to do now...just trust me that this is gonna come back in a big way later down the road. It seems messy now, but it will come together in a good way (I hope haha!)

Sweetie420: D'aw aren't you an absolute gem! I'm so glad you're enjoying everything. I'm really looking forward to finally writing the love connection between the two of them. Dean's done a great job of winning her over a second time, hasn't he? I'm so glad it's working out well! Honestly, I wasn't sure how well received this part of the trilogy would be, mostly because it is just simply retelling season 6 and 7 of Buffy (with a little twist, mind you). It wasn't planned to be honest, it was meant to be the first couple of chapters for my next story, but I soon realized that it wasn't going to work that way because there was so much to cover and because I wanted to really build everything up.

Pantherfan16: Awe thank you! I spend a lot of time working with characterization so that they're the characters we all know and love. There's gonna be some changes a bit next story because it's putting them in a totally new world, so that's going to be really fun to see how they react to my new world.

LoneButterfly05: While it's an important scene in the Buffy-verse, it just didn't make full sense in this world anymore. I still really need Spike to have his soul, since ya know, that's how the crew wins their battle in the end...I'm still working out the logistics on that one, but there's gonna be some good driving factors behind it. I may not explore them fully quite yet, but I certainly will. I look forward to writing the twist in that tale. Ya…..I'm pretty sure if Dean heard about that whole...debacle...he would kindly remove Spike's veins for him, haha. Haha! Yaaa...I had to keep Dawn the way she is for now. I do plan on working with her, making her a less insufferable character. I'm glad she's driving you nuts though! That's exactly what I wanted aha.

Alex - It has become a juggling act for our poor Dean. He's done very well with keeping the worlds separate, hasn't he? He's been very careful, but the more emotional he gets, and the more worked up he gets, it gets much harder to watch what he says.  
>Ya, BuffySam just doesn't do it for me, so I feel ya there. Fret not, there will be no third-wheeling happening here! It's important to note how enamoured Sam is with the Slayer legend, which is something that he hasn't explained yet. That's going to come back in a big way further down the road.

It is an important scene for the Buffy-verse, but in this world it's lacking context. It would be really awkward to shove it in there this way, and I really don't want to have to write that in anyway. Even with a change of context I don't think I could handle writing this scene. There is definitely some work going into Spike's redemption arc, and a fun little twist in it, and Dean is involved for sure. How...well...that's

Jada - Oh my dear, I've never said that she gets 'em back now have I ;-) It is a fair assumption though…

my-perfect-muse - Oh my goodness. It is such a huge compliment that someone would marathon read my stories! You are such a gem! I'm so excited to still be attracting new readers! I absolutely love this ship! I only discovered it this past summer and I'm in absolute LOVE with it. The author noturbaby was the one that hooked me, so if you haven't read her stuff you probably should! I've heard some great stuff about my writing style, and it means so much to me. I'm still learning and growing as a writer so I hope to keep improving throughout my stories.

HolyCowsAndFlyingPigs - Absolutely there is! As of right now, I'd say we have about...4 or 5 chapters left. Though, as you can tell by how long this took to post, I'm starting to struggle a bit. Sorry about that =/. Between writers block and finals looming over me, writing has become much less enjoyable at the moment. I hope to remedy that shortly, and then I can continue to bring out new chapters! I super hope that everyone loves the next stage of the story, I'm working diligently on the plot structure so that it can be the best by far! Thank you so much for continuing to read despite the unreliable updating! Hope this chapter met the excitement!


	14. The Rising

I promised another chapter asap to make up for the less than ideal chapter I posted this weekend, and here it is! The next chapter won't be up for couple of weeks I'm sure, thanks to finals, but it won't be anywhere near as long of a hiatus. That I promise.

You'll notice that we have started into Season 7 of Buffy. Season 7 will be wrapped up much quicker than Season 6. This is for a couple of reasons. First of all, I've always felt like Season 7 was over the span of a few months whereas Season 6 was over a much longer time period. Also, Season 7 wasn't quite as fun to work with to be honest. So there's gonna be less chapters for this part.

Which means we're closing in on the end! Yay!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Thirteen – The Rising<strong>

"A counsellor, huh? Do you have your own like, 1-800 number?" Dean's eyes glinted as he spoke.

"No, god! What kinda high schools did you go to? I do have my own office though! My name's on the door and everything!" She giggled as she spoke, obviously pleased.

"Definitely a step up from cow-hat and pylon pants."

Buffy shuddered, "not that it was a tough competition there."

Dean laughed, "so is this high school anything like the one you blew up?"

"Physically, no. All other things considered? Absolutely. Stupid hellmouth….we've had ghost kids, teens summoning demons, boys doing spells to win over girls. Some things never change…"

"Tell me about it. We've been shaking angel business off of us for days now."

"Angel business? Thought you gave them the boot?"

Dean sighed, "apparently they haven't got the hint yet. We're tracking down some tablet or something, I dunno. Sam kinda roped us into this one."

Dean wouldn't admit that it'd actually sounded important. He may not enjoy being heaven's errand boy, but he couldn't take a backseat on this mission. Not finding these tablets could mean dire consequences for the whole world, and that was bigger than his own feelings towards angels and their missions.

Buffy furrowed her brow, "a tablet? Are they aware they can just go to Best Buy?"

"Not that kinda tablet, sweetheart," Dean snickered. "Some stone thing, got some writing on it from God or something."

"That's a pretty big errand," Buffy sounded impressed.

"Yup. Not really into it, but whatever. If it gets these winged assholes off of my back for a while, I'll make it work," Dean fidgeted with his zippo as he spoke.

"How did they lose something like that in the first place? I dunno about you, but if I had something that was ya know, written by God, I'd keep my eyes on it. Maybe even lock it up or something."

"You'd think, wouldn't you? Turns out angels? Not so good at keeping track of stuff," Dean joked back.

"And I bet no one even reprimanded them for it. Yet I lose one set of building keys and it's all 'you're irresponsible' and 'The Doublemeat Palace takes security very seriously around here.' Typical," Buffy said with mock seriousness.

"Is that why you stopped working there?"

"Uh no, that would be because I walked out mid-shift. Demon hunt, remember?"

That night was one that never strayed far from Dean's thoughts. All those nights in motel rooms or sleeping in the passenger seat, they all made him feel so far away from Sunnydale, from her. Remembering the look in her eyes, the feel of her skin, what it felt like to hold her: it all made it easier.

Dean smiled to himself, "how could I forget. I don't know what was better, just seeing you or seeing you in that uniform."

Dean expected an outraged exclamation to come through the phone, or at very least a laugh. Instead, silence rang back. The only reason he knew that Buffy was still on the line was that he could just make out the sound of her breathing.

"Buff? I was just teasing – "

"Dean. I think something big is coming," Buffy finally spoke, the worry in her voice obvious.

Big was an understatement, and she knew it. Buffy didn't really know what was coming, but it was nasty, and it was bigger than anything she had come up against, of that she was sure. It had been a long time since the prophetic dreams had made an appearance, but that wasn't all it was. It was this feeling deep in her gut that was telling her this was going to be significantly bad. The hellmouth was roaring.

It wasn't just her, either. Spike had been feeling the rumblings too, or at least that's what she had taken away from his ramblings. Willow had seen the hellmouths teeth, and she had felt the stirring on the other side of the world. There was no denying that the hellmouth was getting ready to show those teeth, to awaken. Absentmindedly, Buffy wondered if Faith was going through the same Slayer feelings as she was.

Big was definitely an understatement.

"How big?"

If it was enough to worry the Slayer, then it was more than enough to worry Dean. By now he knew that Buffy didn't over react when it came to things of the supernatural nature. She didn't want to cause alarm if she wasn't sure. It seemed like an eternity before she responded.

"I don't know," Buffy sighed. "Keeps telling us that 'from beneath you it devours.' Not a pleasant image."

Her own feelings, even those of her friends, were all passive. Up until recently it was just gut feelings and instincts. A move had been made, and it had been aggressive.

She thought back to the other night. Her conversation with a vampire, Dawn's visit from Mom, Willow's visit from someone saying they were with Tara. They had said things that made so much sense. They knew things that they shouldn't have. They knew exactly what to say and what buttons to push. It was all so convincing, and it was definitely an attempt to take them out of the game. If not that, it was definitely a play to shake their confidence. That part had worked.

"Definitely not. Found anything about it yet?"

"No, not yet. We're on it, but not much has come up yet. We haven't had much to go on, ya know?" Buffy paused, "Dean…if someone comes to you, someone you loved who isn't here anymore? Don't listen to a word they say, okay? We all got visits from someone who…they tried to convince us of some pretty dark stuff."

Dean took a minute to process that statement, "what?"

"It was rough. Dark really doesn't cover it actually. Dawn saw Mom. Willow's visitor said she was sent by Tara, tried to convince her to kill herself. It's making a play to take us out of the game I think. Wouldn't be surprised if it went for hunters too."

"Is everyone okay?"

Buffy nodded, "Yeah, I think so. Dawn and Willow are both pretty shook up still. Dawn never really learned to cope with Mom's death so that cut pretty deep. Then there's Will who was told that Tara couldn't come see her because of what happened…God my heart broke for her."

"That was a low blow. She's barely been home a month and the hellmouth is already targeting her," Dean could feel himself grieving for her. Witch or not, that was more than anyone deserved.

"How do you protect someone from something like this? It visited us all, that's not just some haunting."

"And you? What was your visit?"

Buffy thought back over her conversation with 'Holden.' She had said things to Holden that she was even afraid to say to Dean. She had told him about how she felt like she was beneath all her friends. How she felt like she didn't deserve love. How she felt that even Dean deserved better than her. That she could never love Dean the way she wanted to, because she knew that he couldn't love her back. He couldn't understand her, so how could he ever love her? He had helped rebuild her after everything that happened, but could it be enough?

How was she supposed to tell him that now? She couldn't. Not a word of that conversation could ever be repeated.

"Uh, it was a vamp. Someone I went to high school with."

"Oh, that's low. Guilt tripping you?"

Buffy hated lying, but she figured a half truth was better than a whole lie.

"Spent some time psychoanalyzing me before I staked him. I-I'm not sure it was the same thing as the others dealt with, but it was pretty weird…"

"What kinda evil beast sends dead people at you?" Dean thought that over, "well, I guess they all do – "

"I get what you mean," she interrupted with a forced laugh.

"So much for that break, huh?" Dean said, glumly.

"When you've got some cryptic message being sent to you through apparitions, vengeance demons, and even crazy vampires….definitely not."

"Spike's still a babbling mess?"

Any information about the trigger or the possibility that Spike was killing again was staying locked tight inside of her head. There was too much uncertainty about all that to share yet. She had spent too much time trying to convince Dean that Spike could be trusted, that he was one of the good guys. She had been unsuccessful so far, but there was no reason to shatter any chance that one day he'd be able to see past the fangs. Right now she needed Spike, and that was more important than Dean's feelings about the matter. So the possibility that he was killing would be kept from Dean, at least for now.

"Depends on when ya catch him. Right now I'm not even sure if he's gonna be a help or a liability," Buffy sighed.

Spike not being sane had been a source of stress for Dean ever since she had told him that Spike had showed back up a little worse for wear. Secrets come spilling out when your brain isn't functioning correctly, and that was something Dean had been taught through experience. It happened every time he came to see Buffy.

Telling Spike the truth had been against all of his better judgement and something that even he had a hard time believing he had done. Now he was afraid that not listening to his internal voice was going to come back and bite him in the ass. If Spike was the reason Buffy had those memories shattered, Dean would never forgive himself.

"Any idea of what messed him up?"

"_They put the spark in me, and all it does is burn."_

Buffy gulped down her guilt. No matter how honest they were with one another, there were always times where she omitted parts of the story. Dawn being the key. All-nighters drinking with Spike. Anya becoming a vengeance demon again. Thinking that Willow had been behind the death that was Gnarl's doing. Spike getting his soul. How would a hunter react to the idea of a vampire with a soul? So far they had no idea how it even happened, and she was sure that Dean wouldn't trust that it was true. She knew he didn't trust Spike, no matter how much she believed in him, and that wasn't about to change.

This time it wasn't just an omission though. This was a lie. She was directly telling him that she had no idea what happened to Spike, not just avoiding the question. She didn't want to lie to Dean, but that was the cost in the life of a Slayer. Lying was second nature. It didn't make it feel any better though.

"Uh, no. Not yet. We've been trying to figure out where he went while he was gone, but we've had no luck yet," Buffy said, hoping he wouldn't pick up on how unsure she was of her own words.

"Just be careful around him, okay? There's dangerous and then there's crazy vampire dangerous," Dean pleaded.

"Of course, all kinds of careful. Hey Dean? I gotta let ya go. Takin' Dawn out for a patrol."

"You're letting your sister patrol now? I thought you were just training with her?"

Buffy grimaced at the tone in Dean's voice. She knew he wouldn't be happy about her choice. He hated that he and Sam had been roped into the hunting world. He had expressed several times that he would have given anything for his brother to be allowed to be a kid. Every case that he took on where kids were involved, he did everything he could to protect them from the monsters. He did all he could to stop them from getting roped into this world.

It didn't work that way on the hellmouth though. Especially when Dawn was sister to the Slayer. She would be in danger no matter what she did. There was nowhere she could go, nothing she could do, Dawn would always be a target. The monks were right to give the key to her, because Buffy was going to do everything she could to make sure Dawn was safe.

She was getting older now, though. It was getting harder to keep her safe, and so she may as well have her able to protect herself. She'd never send her on a patrol alone, but learning how to go out with the group could be valuable. Knowing she could handle the crap the hellmouth might throw at her at school put Buffy's mind to ease.

"Yup. Figured it was time to stop treating her with kid gloves. Especially now that she's going to school on the hellmouth like I did. I don't want her to suffer like all the other graduating classes here did."

"That's fair, I suppose. Just teach her to be careful, ya?"

"Of course," Buffy agreed. "You be safe too, okay? Keep what I said in mind."

"I will, absolutely. You be safe too, Buff. I'll uh, see what I can turn up about that whole 'from beneath you' stuff too."

ӁӁӁ

"_Gather them, it's started."_

ӁӁӁ

"Sam!" Dean tossed the remote control at his sleeping brother.

"Ugh, what?" Sam coughed out, trying to clear his throat.

"You said you had a dream the other night? About Jess?"

Sam flinched at the mention of her name. It had been a long time since he had dreamt of Jess, and an even longer time since he had heard her name out loud. It had been years, but hearing her name again made it seem like it had been just yesterday. That dream had brought him right back to that night, and he swore he could still smell the smoke.

He had woken to a start afterwards and found himself in a cold sweat. At first he had wanted to keep the dream a secret from Dean, but the sudden wake up tipped him off quickly. When Sam told Dean that it was a nightmare about Jess, Dean brushed it off as just a bad dream and nothing more. Sam couldn't help but feel that it was more than that, but Dean was sure it was just a lingering feeling of guilt resurfacing.

"Uh yeah? What about it?"

"What did she say to you?"

"What does that mat-"

"What did she say!?" Dean was practically yelling now.

Sam stopped, taken aback by his brother's outburst. He thought back to the dream, it played like a movie in his head ever since it had happened.

_"Do you even know what you've done?" Her voice hissed like steam coming off of a fire._

_Sam couldn't believe his eyes. Here was Jess, the girl he loved, the girl he was ready to marry, the girl that died because of him, standing no more than three feet away. It couldn't be her, he knew that, but it was so realistic. So convincing. Everything was right about this apparition, right down to the scent of her perfume. Lavender._

"_What do you mean?"_

"_You followed a demon. You trusted her! It's because of her kind that I'm dead, and yet you were willing to follow her to the ends of the Earth for your own gain," Jess sneered._

"_No, that's not what – "_

"_Not what happened? Don't lie to me, Sam. I know all about what happened. I watched you guzzle down blood by the gallon, like it was nothing. I watched you screw her. Did she taste like ashes, Sam? I can still smell her on you!"_

_Her voice was cold and cruel and every word cut into Sam like a knife. She wasn't saying anything he didn't already know, that he wasn't already ashamed of, but hearing it made it seem so much worse. Hearing it from the woman he loved was enough to crush him. _

_Her verbal assault continued, "do you think you're human still? With all that demon blood coursing through your system, through your veins? You're more monster than you are human, Sam, and you know that, don't you?"_

"_That's not true," Sam said, barely louder than a whisper. Even he wasn't convinced by his own words._

"_What about Hell? What kind of mark do you think that left? If you were barely human before, what are you now?" Jess smirked, "did you think that your time in Hell absolved you of all your sins?"_

_Sam remained quiet. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know how to respond. He just kept repeating to himself that this wasn't Jess. That Jess would never be this cruel. This wasn't real. This must be some sort of nightmare, some form of self-punishment. He refused to even look at this apparition, it was too much. This wasn't Jess and this wasn't real._

"_Oh I'm very much real, Sam. I'm right here," she grinned as though she could hear his thoughts. "Aren't you tired of this world? Tired of the fights and the struggles that never amount to anything? Aren't you tired of not making a difference?"_

"_I do make a difference," Sam said, resolutely._

"_Do you? How many people died at the hands of the Suvolte Demon? Lilith? Ruby? How about Yellow Eyes? You let him take me, didn't you?"_

_Tears welled in Sam's eyes, but he fought them back. This couldn't be Jess. It wasn't Jess. _

_Her words came out honeyed now, without the harshness he had come to expect, "c'mon Sam. We were happy, weren't we? You never wanted to leave, to go back to the darkness with your brother. We can be together again, you know that. Castiel has told you all about how heaven works, hasn't he? We could spend eternity together. Isn't that what you always wanted?"_

"_What do you mean?" Sam's voice shook as he spoke._

"_The afterlife isn't so bad Sam. No more let downs. No more tragedy. No more pain. Come with me," Jess pleaded. "You can come with me."_

"She talked about Ruby. About Hell. Said that I had gone too far, that I was barely human even then. That I couldn't…go to hell and come back magically all better…"

Sam was obviously uncomfortable as he spoke. It wasn't something he wanted to relive, and it wasn't something that he had wanted to tell his brother. Not now, not ever. Waking from that nightmare had been welcomed, but it had left a sour taste in his mouth that he had been unable to shake. Sam had tried to stop thinking about it, but it kept replaying in his head. It had been so long since he had heard her voice…so long since he had smelled that perfume. Part of him didn't want to let go of it, even if it was a nightmare. It was the closest he had been to Jess since he lost her.

"Anything else?"

"Yeah, lots of stuff, Dean. Wanna tell me why you're interested now?"

"Damnit," Dean looked up to the ceiling, his shoulders falling.

"Dean?"

"Something's coming. Buffy doesn't know what it is, but it tried to take her crew out of the game. Told 'em lies using dead people. Her sister saw their Mom. Willow got a message from Tara."

"She told me I could go with her…" Sam trailed off, realizing what Dean was actually telling him.

It wasn't just a dream, but it wasn't Jess either. Something had used her face to get to him. They had seen evil wear their mother's face, their father's, even Bobby's, but nothing had used Jess. The rage that boiled in his blood was almost too much to bear. His fists clenched at his sides as he fought to steady his breath.

"Cas!" Dean yelled, "Cas get your ass down here, now!"

A wind picked up as Cas appeared in the motel room.

Cas faced Dean, "You know, Dean. Sometimes I do have better things to do than to show up at your every beck and call."

"Ya? Does that something better have anything to do with whatever is happening in Sunnydale?"

Cas sighed, "how did you know about that?"

"So it's true, something big is coming?"

Cas nodded, "we do not know yet what it is, but yes. Something big. Something ancient."

"You don't know what it is?" Sam looked at Cas expectantly.

Whatever it was, Sam was taking it personally now. It not only tried to take him down, but it used Jess to do it. It had taken his most precious memory and tainted it forever. As much as he didn't want whatever it was to gain an advantage, it certainly felt like the attack was a direct hit. He couldn't let it get away with that. No one else should have to ever go through something that horrific. Jess' memory should have been left the way it was, and not that horrible image of her.

"Heaven does not know everything," Cas grumbled, "but it has all the demons and angels afraid. The panic seems to be sweeping through the entire supernatural world."

Dean grumbled, "when the things that go bump in the night are afraid, it's never good."

Sam nodded in agreement, "so what now?"

"It seems to be stemming from the hellmouth in Sunnydale. I suggest you start with that."

"Can't give us anymore direction than that?" Dean asked.

"I am still trying to find the tablets that you failed to retrieve," Cas said, "our resources are stretched thin as it is."

"So what, we're on our own?" Sam had expected more help than this, and it was frustrating to hear otherwise.

"Yes," Cas said, popping back out of the room.

"I hate when he does that," Sam moaned.

Dean agreed, "yeah, it's a little old. He's been pretty short on patience lately."

"Any idea why?"

Dean shook his head, "one fire at a time, Sammy."

"So, research?" Sam asked, pulling his laptop towards him.

Dean rolled his eyes and sighed, "guess so. Damnit."

"Gotta start somewhere before we go charging to the hellmouth."

"Who says I was going to go charging in?" Dean argued.

Sam said nothing, giving only a skeptical look towards his brother. Dean shrugged and nodded in agreement before slumping into a chair and cracking open their dad's journal.

ӁӁӁ

"Buff? I can barely hear you," Dean placed a finger in his ear, hoping to hear the Slayer better.

"Sorry, give me a sec," Buffy stepped out the back door and closed it, "better?"

"Much. Why so loud?"

"You called at kinda a bad time, my house has somehow become a daycare of sorts," Buffy sat down on her back steps, taking a moment to enjoy being away from the craziness that was inside of her house.

"Daycare?"

"Maybe sorority would be a better description. Giles showed up at my door with a handful of girls a couple of hours ago."

"Oooo, so it's like a slumber party then?" Dean said salaciously.

Buffy rolled her eyes, which Dean could practically hear through the phone. "A world of no."

Dean furrowed his brow, "why exactly did Giles show up with a bunch of girls?"

"They're Slayers. Or at least they could be one day. Giles says that something has been hunting these poor girls down," Buffy explained.

"So they're the girls that could be the next Slayer, if you were to…ya know…"

"Die? Yup, that's the deal," Buffy nodded, "Remember that 'something big' I was telling you about?"

"How could I forget? It tried to get Sam to kill himself."

Dean realized he had neglected to tell her that story. Maybe because it wasn't his story to tell. Maybe because he felt guilty that he hadn't listened to his brother in the first place. Maybe because he didn't want to add to Buffy's already long list of things to worry about. Whatever the reason before, he was going to have to tell her now.

"Wait, what?"

Dean rubbed the back of his neck as he spoke, "I shared your warning with Sam after we spoke last time. Turns out it had already paid him a visit."

"God, I'm sorry. How is he?"

Dean sighed, "the girl he was ready to marry came to him and criticized his every mistake before trying to convince him to kill himself. All things considered he's doin' alright. Not exactly doing backflips, but…"

"That's so awful. I wish I had better news to give you about it," Buffy sulked.

"But you have news?" Dean perked up, "at this point I'll take anything you have to offer."

"Turns out I've come up against it before, back in high school. Calls itself The First."

"The First? That's not very menacing," Dean scoffed. "I was expecting something much more foreboding or something. The First what?"

"The First Evil," Buffy added.

"Oh. Yeah, that's important context. That's kinda a big deal. What's it want?"

"You know, end of the world and all that jazz. I guess it wants to eliminate the Slayer line forever, hence the girls at my door. The First's minions have already killed a countless number of girls. They were just kids, Dean. They had no idea what was happening."

"I'm sorry, Buffy. It's not your fault," Dean comforted.

"It sure feels like my fault. I've been seeing their deaths for weeks. I should have protected them. What if I can't protect these ones?"

"If anyone can, it's you," Dean paused, "what do you mean 'seeing' their deaths?"

"Prophetic dreams are kinda part of the Slayer gig. I never told you that?"

"You didn't, no. Huh, another part of the legend that's true," Dean mused.

"One day you're gonna have to tell me all the things you heard about Slayers. We'll compare notes or something," Buffy tried to smile.

"Sounds like a plan. I did hear something about a certain…appetite? That comes up after a slay," Dean winked. The groan from the other end of the phone made him chuckle.

He tried to lighten the mood, but he was still worried, "You said something else though. It wants to eliminate the Slayer line? Like…kill you and make sure no new Slayer is called?"

Buffy nodded, "It wants to erase the whole line. The potentials. Then Faith. Then me. End of the Slayers forever."

"Well, that's not gonna happen," Dean did his best to sound determined, but his fear betrayed him.

"I hope you're right. Our army is understaffed here. Sure we have an exceptionally powerful witch, but she can't use her magic. There's Spike, the only other one that can help to protect these girls and he's been set with a trigger to kill for the enemy. Even if we could figure out how to disable that, he's been taken and we have no idea where to find him. We have a huge dead count that we couldn't have hoped to save, no Watchers Council backing us up, and a pack of teenaged girls on their way to the hellmouth, of all places, for protection…" the panic in Buffy's voice was hard to ignore. She was overwhelmed and it was broadcasted in every word that she spoke.

"Goddamn Slayer, sounds like you're having a party of a time. Need some help? Sam and I could be there in just over a day?" Dean was already grabbing his keys.

"No!" She practically yelled into the phone.

Dean was confused, "what?"

"Just…I can't have you here. You need to be out there dealing with the beasties that are stirring. A lot have bailed on Sunnydale so you're gonna see a spike in activity," Buffy rushed through her sentence.

That was the truth, but there was more to it than that. He had been her sanity in the last year and she'd love to have him on deck. This was not the right time, however, to be bringing new people to her friends. They needed all the help they could get, but that would raise more questions than she was ready to deal with right now, and she didn't need to give the new girls any reason to doubt her. That was another thing, now that her house a boarding house for three new girls, and apparently more on the way, there was just no room for more people.

Right now she needed him to be a voice on the phone more than she needed another set of hands. She needed somewhere to turn to be able to find her center. Not only that, but she knew things were about to get real dangerous real fast, and she wasn't sure she could handle worrying about him. What if something happened to him because she couldn't protect him? He could handle himself that much she knew, but she still couldn't risk it. No, he needed to be far, far from Sunnydale.

"Okay, okay. Sam and I will be the mobile clean-up crew, don't worry. We'll throw in some research too, help any way we can. Got anything we can start with?"

"Uh, we've got something called a Seal of Danthazar hiding out in the basement of the high school," Buffy lowered her head into her hands. She was in way over her head here.

"Baddies leavin' their satanic shit all over the place, very irresponsible," Dean tried to joke.

"God, there's just so much happening Dean. I can't keep up," she practically sobbed.

"Hey, hey. You're going to be okay. Let's just go one step at a time, what do you know about this seal?"

"It's been activated, we think. There was a lot of blood on it, more than what Andrew had fed it," she exhaled a deep breath. "Activated seals are never a good thing, and we are no closer to knowing what the hell it does. If you're gonna join the research brigade, could ya start there?"

"Seal of….D-A-N-T-H-A-Z-A-R?" Dean jotted down the words on a pad of paper from the nightstand.

"That's it. We haven't had much luck yet, and now we have all these girls to look after. I just…can't do it all. Any help you can give is much appreciated."

"Of course. Sam has always been good at finding the obscure myths and stuff. We're on it," Dean assured her.

"Giles and I are going out for some recon. See what we can find around where I encountered The First before," Buffy said, watching through the window of her house. "Take care of yourself, okay? Whatever it's end game is? It's beyond the attack on the Slayers, it's not playing around."

"I know. Don't worry, we'll be safe. You too, Buffy."

Buffy gave a half smile, "I'll uh, try to call, but things are about to get hectic."

"Don't worry about me. I'll call if I find anything."

ӁӁӁ

"Dean, searching for 'evil' is not really helping ya know?" Sam rolled his eyes at his brother's search.

"Well what do you got, big shot?"

Sam shifted his eyes back to his stack of books, "uh so far? A lot of heavy books…"

Dean ran his hands over his face and gave his head a shake, "how do you research something that supposedly pre-dates all evil?"

Sam shrugged, "hope that we find some ancient text?"

"That we can read?"

Sam took a deep breath, "ya, that's the issue. Even if we find an old enough book, who knows what language it'll end up being in."

"What about the seal?"

"I've found the Seal of Oath, Seal of Wyndmere, and a Seal of Duneth. No Seal of Danthazar," Sam shook his head, tossing different books down on the table with each name.

"Oh Buffy, what trouble have you stumbled into…" Dean slumped back in his chair.

Dean wished he could do more to help. It seemed like every time he talked to Buffy there was something huge going on in Sunnydale. He guess that the hellmouth was to thank for that, but this felt different. He had never heard her sound so tired, so overwhelmed. The brothers had faced down a lot of tough shit in their time, including the biblical apocalypse, so this was really nothing new, but it really did feel different. Like the world wouldn't be the same in the end.

He just wished he could help more. It felt like it wasn't enough. No matter what he did, it wasn't enough.

This 'First' was enough to scare demons and angels alike. If that wasn't terrifying, Dean didn't know what was. The books seemed to be lacking any kind of information on this thing, which did nothing but add to the severity of the situation. If anyone would know about this, it would be Bobby. What he wouldn't give to be able to call Bobby again, to go to the salvage yard and raid his books. Hell, he'd love to be called an 'idjit' one more time.

Dean pulled his phone out of his pocket. It may not be Bobby, but he had the same books that Bobby had.

"Dean?" The voice answered.

"Hey Garth, need your help. Ready to hit the books?"

"Of course! What ya need?" Garth replied eagerly.

"Seal of Danthazar and The First Evil. There's something huge coming from Sunnydale, from the hellmouth. Anything you can find would be awesome. We haven't found a thing."

Dean could hear the scribbling of a pen before Garth spoke again. "Okay. Got it. Anything else?"

"Uh, yeah," Dean hushed his voice so that Sam couldn't hear him, "could ya do some research into the Slayer prophecy for me? The Slayer line is under fire and I need something to work with. Anything you can find."

"Slayer? I thought that was a myth? Like the boogeyman for monsters," Garth's voice had a level of disbelief in it.

"Oh she's very much real, don't you worry. She needs our help," Dean said.

"I'm on it. Oh and Dean?" Garth asked.

"Yeah?"

"Would it kill you guys to visit once and a while?"

"Goodbye Garth."

Sam looked over to his brother, "I have another thought. Who else would be likely to have books on something this big?"

Dean thought a minute, his eye growing wide with realization, "Dad?"

Sam nodded, "his journal talked about a storage unit in Iowa where he kept his ancient books. These books have nothin', and I doubt the internet is gonna be much help this time. It's kinda a lengthy drive, but it may be our best shot. Wanna check out his collection?"

Dean already had his hands in keys even before Sam had finished speaking. These sources were tapped and Garth was searching through Bobby's books. At least heading to Dad's unit would give them something to do. It would give them some chance of finding something useful. He couldn't just sit here and wait for Garth to call. It would take them a few days to make it to this storage unit, but it was worth the drive. Even if this locker didn't have what they were looking for, Dad had at least a dozen units across the country. One of them was bound to have something that could help them.

He just hoped they found something before it was too late.

ӁӁӁ

"_You're right. We don't know how to fight it. We don't know when it'll come. We can't run, can't hide, can't pretend it's not the end, 'cause it is. Something's always been there to try and destroy the world. We've beaten them back, but we're not dealing with them anymore. We're dealing with the reason they exist. Evil. The strongest. The First," Buffy's voice shook as she spoke._

_She was barely able to stand on her feet, but she couldn't stand to hear everything that her friends had been saying. She had listened to them talking and it had burned under her skin more than she could bear. They were scared, and they didn't think she could protect them. She may be broken, but she was not done._

"_Buffy, I, I-I know you're tired," Giles tried to comfort the slayer._

_She shook her head, "I'm beyond tired. I'm beyond scared. I'm standing on the mouth of hell, and it is gonna swallow me whole."_

_The group looked at her with a mix of fear and sorrow. That was enough to strengthen her resolve. Her voice stopped shaking then. She took on a defiant tone instead. She was not done._

"_And it'll choke on me. We're not ready? They're not ready. They think we're gonna wait for the end to come, like we always do. I'm done waiting. They want an apocalypse? Oh, we'll give 'em one. Anyone else who wants to run, do it now. 'Cause we just became an army. We just declared war. From now on, we won't just face our worst fears, we will seek them out. We will find them, and cut out their hearts one by one, until The First shows itself for what it really is. And I'll kill it myself. There is only one thing on this earth more powerful than evil, and that's us. Any questions?"_

* * *

><p>AN: I know I said I'd keep the direct story quotes to a minimum, but I HAD to include Buffy's speech from Bring on the Night. Why? Because it is one of my all time favourites. I LOVED that moment so much that I couldn't NOT include it. Also, some of my timeline may be off (it's been a long time since I watched season 7) but I did my best to get it all right. If it's out of order somewhere, just take it as creative license ;-)

Sweetie420: I am so glad you enjoyed it! Yay! I feel better than people actually liked it. Man, stupid school. It has been so stressful lately, all I wanna do is write fanfic! Haha. Don't you worry, I could never forget you wonderful people! This story isn't going to be abandoned, and the next installment will come eventually. I have so much I want to write that I could never bail on it! Hope you liked this chapter tooooooo!


	15. Broken, Beat, and Scarred

Hello all! I did my best to keep the time between chapters short this time, but exams kinda suck haha. I had three exams in a 36 hour time span, so that was just plain awful. I'm here now though! There's only two posts left for this story! How exciting is that?!

I hope to work on the next installment over the winter break, but I'm not sure if posting will happen during the next semester. I had every intention of doing so, but recently an opportunity came up that would be eliminating any and all of my free time. I haven't decided for sure to take this opportunity, but I think I desperately want to. That being said, I assure you that there is plenty more coming after this installment ends! I literally have ideas galore and can't even wait to share them with you all! So please keep loving me =) Haha.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Fourteen – Broken, Beat, And Scarred<strong>

It may have taken the brothers a few days and a little breaking and entering, but they managed to get into their dad's storage unit. It was dark, it was dusty, and it had a creepy feeling to it. It was a feeling that neither brother could really figure out, one that they couldn't quite place. Whatever it was it made the hair on Dean's neck stand on end, and that feeling persisted until they were long gone from the unit. It was an uncomfortable feeling to say the least, but they had to ignore the alarms going off in their heads. This locker was bound to have something that could be useful to them, and that was a good enough reason to push on.

Taking a look around the storage unit, the brothers were amazed by how crowded it really was. How could their Dad have ever found all of these books? Beyond that, Dean couldn't believe they had been all stored together like this. Sure, there were wards and devil's traps covering nearly every wall, floor, and ceiling space, but it was a lot of power and information to leave together. How long had it been since someone had been here? There were things here that could have helped them throughout the years, of that he was sure. He was starting to kick himself for not finding the information about this locker before. Dean couldn't help but smirk as he thought about Bobby and how much he would have loved this. Hell, even Sam was loving this; Dean could see it in his eyes - it was like a kid on Christmas.

They had split up once they got inside. There were so many shelves that they could be here for hours, even with working separately. Sam had starting cracking into books immediately, but Dean felt lost. If he was being honest, he had no idea what to look for. Trying to suss out which books could be relevant was trouble enough, but would he know the right information when he found it? Dean had opened a handful of books, but really hadn't found anything. Or at least, he didn't think he had found anything. He felt like he was in completely over his head. All he wanted to do was to help, but he had this sinking feeling that he really wouldn't be able to.

"Find anything?" Dean called over to Sam, hoping that there was some good news.

Sam pulled his flashlight out of his mouth, "nothing yet. Got some interesting books, but nothing that references what we're looking for."

"Well grab the good books, we could use them later. I haven't found anything either," Dean was frustrated.

Dean moved his flashlight over the book spines, not finding anything that looked remotely helpful. Books on werewolves, ghosts, books on other books, but nothing that he needed right now. In between some of the books there were some scrolls and some loose pages. Dean had passed over several books, but each time he found a loose page or a scroll he stopped to take a closer look. Each scroll was unrolled, each page was scanned over. So far none had given him any useful information, or even a direction to look in. There was no way Dean was going to give up, but this was beginning to feel incredibly fruitless. He couldn't believe that he was even thinking this, but it was looking like Garth was their best shot at finding this thing.

He turned to head back towards where Sam had been reading through books, hoping that his part of the locker would prove more useful. Then there it was - a shelf that was removed from the others. The light above it had long burned out, and there were traps and wards painted all around it. The shelves themselves were mostly empty, but on one of the shelves sat a box, locked tight with a padlock that was practically glowing in the darkness.

"Sam?" Dean indicated the box with his flashlight.

Sam peeked out from behind the book he had been going through, his flashlight sweeping across the darkness to hone in on what Dean had his light also trained on.

"Good guess," Sam crossed to the box to take a better look at it. His expression changed to one of confusion, "that's weird, there's no keyhole."

"Great, that's just perfect. Now what?"

Sam shrugged as he lifted up the padlock, hoping that a closer look would yield some sort of insight as to how to open the box. Once he came into contact with the lock it seemed to hum and tremble a moment before popping open.

Sam laughed to himself, "yup, leave it to Dad to protect it with magic. Must have responded to a human touch. Or maybe a Winchester only. He's protecting something big."

"Open it up," Dean was impatient, and he was ready to get out of this place.

Inside was a handful of books, each with a spine that was barely holding the pages together. They were old and the writing on the cover was long worn off. It was impossible to tell what the books were and what secrets they may hold. Whatever was inside these covers had been around a long time and John felt they needed to be protected. Sam lifted one book out carefully, his flashlight again tight in his mouth. The pages were brittle with edges tattered and torn. Some were bent over at the top to hold someone's place, though it seemed unlikely that they had ever returned. Sam took a great deal of care as he opened the first book he had picked up and turned the pages. Several pages in Sam set it down and traded one book for another, repeating this for the first four books.

"I can't read this," Sam finally said, defeated.

"Ink too old?" Dean asked, shifting his gaze from the books to this brother.

"No, it's in another language. Sumarian maybe? Could be Sanskrit. Gaulish is a possibility, too. Or even Akkadian," Sam tilted his head back to crack his neck. "I'm not even sure, to be honest."

Dean sighed, "well that's just great. Grab the box, we'll figure something out. Maybe Garth has some translation books kicking around. Or maybe Cas can take a look."

Sam nodded in agreement as he gently placed the books back into the case that their father had kept them in. There was no way of knowing if these books would even have what they needed, but there was no way that they were leaving them behind either. If any books here were going to have information on something that claims to be The First Evil, it would be the books in an ancient language that he struggled to identify. Their father would certainly want to keep books like that safe. Sam just hoped that they could make use of them.

ӁӁӁ

"We found the Seal," Dean said with a yawn and cradling the phone in his shoulder, a still open book in his hands.

It had taken Sam and Dean an entire night with a book of translations, four pots of coffee, two arguments, and one accidental fire from reading the wrong passage, but they finally found something useful. They had managed to translate the pages that accompanied a diagram of a seal on it. This was the sixth or seventh seal they had found, but this time they finally found what they were looking for. There wasn't much else that was legible in the same book, the ink being much too ancient to still read, but it had given them brief coverage on how to activate the seal, and more importantly, how to shut it down. They still weren't one hundred percent sure what the seal actually did, but they were certain it wasn't anything good.

"You did?" Buffy held her breath, not wanting to believe him quite yet.

"Yup. Goat within a five-pointed star?"

"That's it. Tell me ya got something good."

"You can deactivate it," Dean grinned.

Relief washed over Buffy, "That's something good alright. Tell me how."

This was the most "down to business" Buffy had been in their conversations, and it just went to show how dire the situation must truly be. There was no teasing about how long it had been since they spoke, no flirty banter, not even a quick catch up about everything that was happening on her end. Her voice lacked that quality to it that was so quintessentially Buffy, and it deflated Dean slightly. Not that he faulted her though, not really anyways. In her shoes he'd probably be beyond formalities as well. Dean hoped that things hadn't gone from bad to worse quite yet, and he hoped that he was about to lessen some of the stress she was under right now.

"Still got the guy that gave it its first taste of blood?"

"Sure do," she said, through gritted teeth.

Buffy could hear the girls screaming at Andrew in the background. He'd had that stupid camera in all their faces all day long now, and it was getting a little old. Thankfully he had left her alone finally, after she threatened to put the camera in a very unpleasant place and in a very unpleasant way. She had chosen to keep him in the house so that he couldn't get up to more trouble, but she had been sorely regretting that choice. Now that Dean had brought him up, she thought that maybe she had made the right decision.

"Turns out ya give it some tears and it terminates it. Make the bitch cry."

"That I can do. Dean, thank you so much. I can't express how much this means – "

Sam snatched the phone from Dean's hands, "Buffy?"

"Sam? What's up?"

"There's something else. Dean doesn't want to tell you but, you gotta know. The Slayer line? There's more to it than you know. It's got more darkness in it," Sam batted Dean's hands away from him.

"Made from demon hearts? Ya, got that memo," Buffy hated saying that part out loud.

"_The energy of the demon. It's spirit. It's heart."_

"Oh, how did you – "

"Met the Shadow Men. Lovely guys, really. Bringers of bad news. Had a nifty staff thing."

Dean grabbed the phone back from Sam, "sorry about that. I didn't want to say anything, it wasn't our place - "

Buffy shook her head, "it's fine. It's all true anyways. How'd you find out?"

"Hunters have connections too, ya know? Our Dad had some books and we've been translating it for days. We were hoping to find something useful and it ended up talking about the creation of the first Slayer. We're still working on it, but we're hoping that we'll find more," Dean paused, "and our buddy Garth was able to look into the Slayer line more. He wanted to give you a warning, actually."

"Oh goodie, more warnings. What's this one?"

"_So the Slayer really is less than human…" Dean flashed back to the conversations in Purgatory where Buffy had mused about the humanity left in a Slayer._

"_To begin with, yes. It isn't the same anymore. She still has the strength and the spirit of the demon, but she is human Dean. I promise," Garth reassured the hunter._

"_Okay. Have you found anything else that could help her out? Something about eliminating the line?"_

"_No, there's nothing in Bobby's books. I put some feelers out, but nothing has come back about the Slayer. Word has gotten around about something else, though."_

_Dean sighed, "alright, what have you heard?"_

"_A hunter has recently taken up in Sunnydale, one that no one seems to know much about," Garth supplied._

"_A hunter? In Sunnydale? No way, hunters don't mess with that town," Dean shook his head._

"_So you said, but he's there. He's got a real vendetta against vampires. Word is he's looking for one that killed his mom," Garth said._

_That motivation was something that Dean understood all too well. He couldn't let that cloud his judgement though. A hunter in Sunnydale that hadn't announced his presence was definitely bad news. Vampire hunter or not, it was too coincidental that he'd show up during this war, and it worried Dean._

"_What's his name?"_

"_All we have is a last name and a nasty reputation. Wood. I'm only telling you because you should warn that friend of yours. He's dangerous, Dean."_

_Dean tried to conceal the worry in his voice, "Thanks, Garth. If you find anything else, on Wood or The First, give us a shout."_

"_You got it."_

"Ya got a hunter in town. No one knows much about him, but he's big on taking down vamps. We just know him by his last name. Wood."

"Wood?"

That couldn't be a coincidence. A hunter named Wood is supposedly in her town, just as a principal with the last name Wood shows up? She knew something was off with him, but just chalked it up to her problem with principals. She knew that he knew about the supernatural world, and he wasn't new to fighting in it, but she never made the connection that he might be a hunter. That made more sense than any theory she may have come up with. With this new information she was ready to keep him at an arm's length, at least until she could suss out what his objective was here. She didn't have time for personal missions right now, and she was more than ready to make that clear to him if he decided to make a move.

Wasn't that a sad commentary? With everything happening, with the hell that was literally breaking loose, she still had to worry about people and what kind of shit they may come with.

Buffy had had a showdown with a vampire that everyone had been terrified of. No one believed that it could be killed, and for a time even Buffy had felt that way. She'd never let anyone know that part of course, but that thought had made itself well known to her as she washed the blood off after her first battle with the beast. Of course, it could be killed. He was dust, just like all the rest. She showed the girls that they could win this fight. She had earned their trust, and they believed in her now. It wasn't enough, but it was a start. The girls could see now, that it would be them still standing in the end.

At least that's what she wanted them to think. It's what she wanted to think. The Shadow Men had shown her enough to make her blood run cold and fear that this may be the time that her team wasn't going to be enough. When talking to Willow, Buffy had told her that she thought she had made a mistake, but now it was more than that. What good was it being as human as she was if the world ended? Sacrificing some of her humanity could have been enough to tip the scales. Buffy couldn't help but feel she was being selfish. That was probably a big part of why she hadn't shared that part of the story with Dean. How could she?

ӁӁӁ

"So who's this Caleb?" Dean asked.

The last phone calls with Buffy had given Dean much more worrisome news than he would have liked. Each time he called her, every time his phone rang, there was some new threat or villain that had showed up. He had to be honest, there wasn't a lot of good news coming from Sunnydale other than that she was still alive and she was still fighting.

To begin with Dean was scared of the "Uber Vamp" that she spoke of, but the mention of this preacher quickly over-shadowed this ancient vampire. The Uber Vamps were nasty, cruel, but relatively stupid. It had given Buffy a run for her money when it first showed up, but she had managed to take one down. Facing another one wasn't something that Buffy really wanted, but she could if she had to. She wouldn't let it take her down again, not when she had finally showed her followers what being a Slayer is all about.

This preacher, however, was much worse. He was just as cruel, far more vicious, and intelligent. That made him infinitely more lethal, and much more worthy of being afraid of. Caleb could find them wherever they were, and he could strategize. He could lead others. He had been ripping girls already, and he had already proven that he wasn't afraid in the slightest of the Slayer. He had already shown his cruelty. Poor Xander, man. He hadn't even met the guy and Dean could feel the devastation.

At the same time that the preacher had shown up, another player had surfaced in town. He didn't really understand the worry and fear the accompanied this Faith person returning to Sunnydale, but if Buffy was worried then he would be too. Buffy had said that Faith had lost the gangs trust and had played for the wrong side before. During a war like this, that was the last thing they needed. Dean had to believe that she was there for the right reason, and another Slayer couldn't be a bad thing in that case. The fact that there were two Slayers running around was surprising, and Dean had wasted no time in asking about it. Buffy assured him that she would share the story another time, that it wasn't that interesting, but he had a hard time believing that.

Then there was Wood, Giles, and Spike. While he may not agree with working with vampires, he had been sad to hear that someone that Buffy cared about had betrayed her. Giles was someone that Buffy looked up to, and he could hear it in her voice that it had cut her deep. She tried to keep up a hard front, especially in front of the troops, but she was pretty hurt. Dean had met Spike, and as much as he hated to admit it, he did seem like a half decent fellow. If you ignored the whole vampire thing anyways. At least Garth's warning about Wood had turned out to be not only a good one, but a timely one at that. She had been able to handle this as it had unraveled, rather than playing catch-up.

Though it had been interesting to learn that he was the son of a Slayer. Turns out there was a hunter that had known for sure that Slayers were real all along. That bit of information made Dean understand Wood's hate for vampires. Spike had killed that Slayer, and if anyone understood the goal of vengeance, it was the Winchester boys. If it wasn't for the fact that Spike could help the good guys right now, he'd have been supporting Wood in this case. Buffy was right, though, there was no time for personal missions.

There was so much happening in Sunnydale right now that he could feel how overwhelmed she was. Dean was desperate to find some way to help her. There was nothing he could do about Xander, Wood, or Faith. If he couldn't find The First, maybe he could find this Caleb bastard.

Cas cleared his throat, obviously not happy about the answer he was about to give, "he is one of our biggest disgraces. He says he speaks for God, but he has sided with evil."

"So you know him then?"

Cas nodded, "he is brutal, vicious, and very powerful."

"Thanks, but tell me something we don't know," Dean snapped. "Believe me when I say that Buffy has learned what side he works for and what kinda player he is."

"Yes, the angels have all heard about the victims he has left in his wake. As well as the damage he has dealt to her human and the battering she suffered at his hands," Cas said, regrettably.

"Then you know that we gotta find something to take this bastard out."

"I agree, Dean. He is a considerable threat, and I believe that he could influence the course of the battle substantially."

Dean didn't like the sound of that in the least, "so whattya got? There's no way this guy is new to the game. Tell me you've got something, gimme some footnotes, anything."

Cas nodded, "I think so. My brothers and I have been scouring our records for anything that could give insight as to his charge in Sunnydale. A mission in Gilroy has caught our attention."

"What about it?" Sam joined the conversation.

"It has been abandoned, and no one has dared to trespass. The members of this particular order have been missing ever since. It is obvious that Caleb has been here, and I believe that he could have left some information behind."

"So why aren't you checking it out?" Dean asked, obviously peeved.

Cas shot a look towards Dean, "this was information you were looking for. We have our own leads we are looking into."

"Dean, you know you'd wanna check it out on your own anyways," Sam offered. "Thanks Cas, we appreciate the lead. We'll let you know what we find if anything."

"I guess we're on it," Dean got up, ready to go.

"Should we call, let her know?" Sam joined his brother, grabbing their duffel bags.

Dean shook his head, "no, let's hold off until we have something to give her. I don't want to get her hopes up."

ӁӁӁ

"_Don't...be afraid to lead them. Whether you wanted it or not, their lives are yours. It's only gonna get harder. Protect them, but lead them."_

ӁӁӁ

"_Non tibi est. Ei solae tractare licet." _

"It is not for thee. It is for her alone to wield," Sam translated haltingly.

"What does that even mean?" Dean asked, frustration settling in.

"I don't know, Dean. Sure sounds like it has to do with the Slayer though, doesn't it?"

"Her alone? Gotta agree with you there."

"So Caleb was here, and this inscription sent him into a rage?" Sam tried to work it out.

"He read it and he didn't like what it said. His temper...He was the purest evil I've ever seen," the monk added.

"Guess we're looking for anything else that could give us some insight as to just what the hell this preacher wants," Dean swept his flashlight across the small space they were in. "Starting with that," he said as his flashlight landed on the tapestry that was hanging on the stone wall.

"I'd say that's a good place to start."

Dean's flashlight moved to highlight a set of shelves and chests that sat across from the tapestry, "I guess I'll start there. There's gotta be something about that inscription here."

The brothers nodded in agreement before parting ways. The divide and conquer method was common to the brothers, and the latest bought of searching had seen it used frequently. The temple was silent, save for the sound of Dean rummaging through the chests and shelves. They had worked in silence for nearly an hour before Sam interrupted their work.

"This tapestry is destroyed, Dean," Sam said, running his fingers over the torn edges.

"I could see that, Sam. Is there anything useful left?" Dean continued his rummaging without looking back.

"Not so far. It's just a web of images. They obviously tell a story, but I don't know what it is. Cas really should have come for this," Sam continued to squint at the pictures, trying to make sense of them.

"Snap a picture. Maybe he'll recognize it," Dean sighed. "Let's just keep looking."

Sam stopped, "hey hey, here's something. I recognize the symbol here."

"You do?" Dean crossed over to the tapestry.

"I don't know why though."

Dean looked at it as Sam traced the edges with his finger. Suddenly it dawned on him.

"Dad's journal. He had a sketch of something that looked an awful lot like that," Dean announced.

Sam pulled his cellphone out and snapped a photo of the tapestry as a whole as well as the symbol that was engrained in the tapestry. Nothing else on the tapestry made any sense. There was a sea of monsters that kind of reminded Sam of the movie Nosferatu on one side of the symbol, and a handful of figures on the other side. There were streams of what appeared to be sunlight, and what looked like a stairway. There was too much damage to the tapestry to make out much else, and Sam figured that the missing parts of it probably brought the images into context.

"We'll have to find it in the journal later. You got anything over there?" Sam asked, sliding his cellphone back into his pocket.

The two brothers returned to the chests that Dean had been rummaging through. The entire mission was deserted, Cas had been correct on that front. It was silent, giving it a creep-factor of ten. The stones of the building were scratched, obviously old, but didn't have a single sign of the modern world. No one had been here since the police investigated it. No teens sneaking in, no vandals to steal anything, nothing. Usually abandoned buildings are coated in spray paint and broken items. Something was warding people away from this place. Both brothers could feel it resonating from the building as they had walked up. Evil. It was something that lurked here, that watched over it. If it wasn't something that could help Buffy, Dean may have opted to walk away.

That wasn't an option though. She was facing something big, something that had even Cas scared. He couldn't be there to help fight, so he had to do what he could. If that meant playing historian and going through old books and tapestries, then so be it. Didn't mean he liked it though.

"A couple of books, kinda look like journals, but nothing I can make sense of."

"This is definitely not Latin," Sam's brow furrowed. "Looks like Sumarian."

"Not the same as Dad's books?"

Sam shook his head, "definitely not."

"Any chance you can read it?"

"I'm not even sure it actually is Sumarian, Dean."

Dean cursed, "damnit! Now what?"

Sam shrugged, "guess we hope that Cas can read it. Grab 'em."

Dean made a stack of books on the floor next to where he had been kneeling. He took one more look around the temple to make sure that there wasn't anything they had missed. Sam took one last lap around the room, ensuring that they had found everything that they could. Both brothers were more than happy to leave this place behind.

Now all they could hope was that they had been successful here.

ӁӁӁ

"So it turned out that all the books we found were actually just journals that belonged to the monks of this order," Dean relayed. "One of them, though, talked about that inscription that we found. I'll spare you the details, mostly because Cas is really long winded sometimes, but there is definitely something you need to know. The First and this Caleb guy are protecting something. We don't know exactly what it is but it's something powerful and they don't want the Slayers to get it. I'm thinking it could be a weapon and if you're looking for an arsenal - "

"Dean, stop," Buffy's voice sounded of nothing but defeat.

"Buffy? What's wrong?"

Dean had called her before Cas had even popped out of the room. As soon as he had given Dean something solid to impart to the Slayer he had been on the phone. He couldn't wait to give her some news - something that could help her. Dean had expected her to be just as excited, but instead she had barely any inflection in her tone at all.

"It doesn't matter," Buffy choked back her tears.

"What do you mean it doesn't matter? This could be everything."

"Faith came back and broke everything down. Xander, god, Xander...A-and all the townsfolk have fled. Giles turned on me - all my friends have turned on me," now she was unable to hold back the tears.

Hearing her sob broke Dean's heart, "hey, it's okay. Wars have casualties. It's not your fault." He did have to admit, things still sounded pretty dire.

"It is my fault. I'm the leader, I'm supposed to protect them, I'm supposed to keep it together. I was supposed to lead them and now look. They were right, I can't do this."

"Was supposed to?"

Buffy sobbed, "unanimous vote; they kicked me out."

"They did what!?" Dean went from concerned to furious.

Buffy was doing everything she could, and Dean knew that. She had fought for them and died for them. When they were in Purgatory he had seen the love she had for them. These people weren't just her team, they weren't just her friends. They were her family. How could they turn on her like that? Dean was torn between wanting to support Buffy right now and explode in anger.

"We took a beating trying to find what Caleb supposedly has of mine. We suffered some casualties and the girls were all scared. I wanted to go back. I was ready to try again before he was expecting us... There's something there, I feel it. He's making all this noise about the school and I think that the power is at the – "

"Vineyard?"

Buffy was shocked, "uh, yeah. The vineyard."

Cas had glanced through one of the journals that shed some light on the inscription. Even with the added context, nothing was really falling into place for either of the brothers. Cas recognized what it was saying, and he knew the location that the monk was describing, but it was no longer a temple as it had been when the journal had been written. It had been abandoned for the last few years, but even longer ago it had been turned into a vineyard. He didn't know what would be found there, but obviously it was something destined to be in the hands of the Slayer, and no one else. Dean figured that that was what had sent the Preacher into a rage, and that must mean that he's afraid of whatever it is that's hidden in the vineyard.

As far as Dean was concerned, this was the advantage that Buffy needed. She was right. Casualties are never fun, but in a war like this it was inevitable. If whatever was hiding in the vineyard could be recovered, then the casualties were not in vain. Dean was thrilled to share this with Buffy, he was going to prove her right. He was going to help her win not only the next battle, but the whole damn war.

"I think you're right, Buffy. Everything we've found tells the story plain as day. The inscription, the journals, everything. To hell with them, you can do this on your own."

"Can I? I tried to bring Annabelle back on my own and nearly died. An-and look at what has already happened at that vineyard," a vision of Xander falling victim to Caleb played through her mind again, "God Dean, I'm just so tired…"

"Tired nothing. You are the Slayer, Buffy. You are an amazing warrior, and beyond that, an incredible woman. It's not in you to quit. You are not a quitter. I've seen your heart, and it is pure and kind and strong. Your friends? They're just scared. They're not made for this like you are. Don't let their fear take you down. Sam and I, we're gonna keep looking for something to help you with, but you gotta do your part, okay?" Dean paused, struggling to find the right words, "you're the only one that can do this."

"I don't want to be the only one anymore," she breathed.

"Tough. You're going back there. You're going to get what belongs to you and you're gonna take this son of a bitch down, you hear? Guys like him don't get to live. Caleb doesn't get to win the war because he won a battle or two. He's strong, but you're stronger."

Buffy interrupted, "I have a lot of bruises and a couple of broken bones that contradict that."

"Doesn't matter," Dean countered. "How many times have you been beaten down and stood back up? How many hits have you taken before? This is nothing new, Buffy."

"My friends are the ones that pick me back up," Buffy sobbed again.

"Not this time. It's you. It has to be you. You're the Slayer, not them. Don't you forget what you're fighting for. All those little girls are afraid, and unless you do something they're never gonna know anything but that fear. They'll be afraid right up until those nasty vamp things sink their fangs into their necks. They'll be afraid until that preacher tears them apart. They'll be afraid as they watch the world crumble around them. Are you going to let that happen? You are what stands between a bleak future and a bright one. We are going to fight. The First isn't going to win today Buffy. You can't let it."

Buffy stayed silent as she fought back sobs.

Dean spoke again before she had the chance, "now go be a hero."

ӁӁӁ

"_Hey. I heard you got something of mine," Buffy crossed her arms._

_Caleb smirked, "Well, if it ain't the prodigal Slayer?"_

"_Where's it at? I'm going to find it sooner or later."_

"_No, you're not. I lay one hand on you and you're just a dead little girl," Caleb threatened._

"_Lay a hand on me. If you can," Buffy shot him a dangerous grin before rolling away from him._

ӁӁӁ

"I know I've seen it somewhere in this journal," Sam flipped through the journal, the picture he took open next to him as well.

"Keep lookin,' you'll find it," Dean kept his eyes on the road.

"Aha! Found it. It's…an amulet?" Sam furrowed his brow.

Dean set his coffee down and signalled for his brother to show him the journal page. They had stayed in town for breakfast, figuring that there was no sense in taking off before they knew where they were even going. Sam had spent the entire meal flipping through John's journal, sure that he had seen that symbol somewhere in it. The tapestry had been destroyed, but this symbol had been left plain as day. He may not have been able to identify what story the tapestry was trying to tell, but Sam kept hoping that finding this symbol would help unravel the story.

Now that Sam had found it in the journal, and it had been revealed that it was an amulet, the story only got murkier. Now they really had no clue what they were into.

"Dad wrote about a necklace that a bunch of religious nuts were interested in?" Dean was equally as confused, squinting at the writing on the page.

"I guess so. Looks like he knew a lot about it too," Sam kept reading, sipping at his coffee absentmindedly.

"Why was he even interested in it?"

Sam shrugged, "it doesn't say." Sam's eyes grew wide, "uh Dean?"

Dean glanced at his brother, "yeah?"

"We gotta go to Oregon."

"Oregon? What's there?"

"Dad had another storage unit there. He found the amulet and it says in the journal that he kept it there. If it does what Dad thought…we need to get it to Sunnydale right now."

There was no argument to be had here. Dean saw the look on Sam's face, the look of alarm and determination and that was enough for Dean. Money was thrown on the table, breakfast was left untouched, and they were off. The Impala squealed under the strain that Dean put her under as he sped his way to Oregon. He didn't care what this gadget was said to do, if Sam thought it could help Buffy in any way, Dean had to get it.

There was no other option.

* * *

><p>AN: You'll notice that I changed some stuff with Wood, mostly that they hadn't gone on a date. That's for obvious reasons, of course. His whole storyline kinda shifted around - so forgive me for that! 

Sweetie420: Awe thank you! That is so wonderful to hear! Thank you so much, school went swimmingly in the end. I still have one more exam but I'm not exactly worried about it so as far as I'm concerned, I'm freeeeeeeeee! Haha.

LoneButterfly05: Awe thank you dear! It's going to be interesting when Dean finds out the whole truth, but remember...she's not the only one keeping secrets...=) It's funny you mention Dean showing up when they kicked her out. I had heavily considered having this happen, but logistically speaking it didn't work out. Not with what I have planned anyways. It's sad because I would have LOVED to have that scene play out differently. It just didn't quite out sadly.

love-you-forever-and-always: Yup! Haha. Though by now you know that. I HATED that this happened in the show, and it still makes me angry all these years later. There's gonna be some fallout for that one later, for sure.

Guest: Hello! I wish I had a name to address this to =( Thank you for the lovely words! That's what I was going for, the chemistry build up instead of the fast moving stuff. While that can be fun for some smut, I prefer the love story that develops over time. They have a great base now, and there's gonna be some great stuff from here on out =D Guess you're just gonna have to wait and see what happens with Dean and Buffy and those missing memories...

RetickLover: Thank you my dear! I spend a lot of time trying to strike a balance between both shows and make it feel natural, so I'm glad it's being recognized!

2old2bfngrl: Awe thank you so much my dear =) I'm glad you've enjoyed it so far! I can't wait to write the groups meeting. You know it's coming, and it's going to be magnificant. I hope to rock it for sure!

MewLover: Hello! Please know I have seen all the reviews from you on this story and South of Heaven. Thank you for reading! I love love love seeing how people react to the ideas I've had. It's fun to stretch my writings legs and improve with every chatper. I hope this new chapter lives up to the rest, and I hope you'll follow me on to the next part of the story once this one finishes!


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